Category Archives: Self-Empowerment

Says 97 – The walking dead

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2012 Sept 25, I drove into Woodstock to look at a room that I saw listed on Kijiji. It turns out that the man is dying of cancer and has only a few months left to live. It started out in his colon, then moved to his liver and is now in his lymph glands, that can’t be operated on. He said that he maybe has four months, and that he hopes to see this Christmas, but that he doubts he will see another one. He said that besides having his colon removed, he had 5/8 of his liver removed, as well as a node that they later found on it. He now has a hernia protruding out of his abdomen where his liver used to be. He looks fine and healthy while he is sitting down. He seems quite calm, cool and collected in talking about his illness and imminent death, but that is NOT what is really going on. He’s a walking dead man. How does one deal with that? Again, I’m witnessing what is going on behind the scenes.

While we were talking, his wife took a phone call and went outside on the patio to talk. I asked him why he wants to rent out a room, something that they have never done before, if he has all this going on as it will just add stress to your relationship with your wife that is working and also looking after you. He didn’t reply to my questions, but said that another person, a nurse, was coming over later this afternoon to have a look at the room and that if she didn’t want it, that I could have it. I said that a nurse staying here would be of help to him and his wife as she could provide some assistance if needed. With that, I said my goodbyes and left.

2012 Sept 26, I received an email stating that the room had been taken.

Says 87 – Hate and Compassion

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2012 Sept 10 Hate, like love, is energy and when you hate a person, place or thing you are projecting a part of your energy (unlovingness) toward that which you hate. This energy (thought form) goes out and attacks the person, place or thing and tries to form an attachment to it as a means of having power and control over it. If the person that is being attacked is in denial, an attachment is created and when that happens, they are literally feeding the other person their energy, as well as drawing the unloving energy that is being directed at them, into their Body. You know you have an attachment when you feel depressed and angry and you body will feel tired, drained and sore, etc., as well as having this person in your thoughts. If they are of unloving intent and have activated you, and you have gapped and gone into denial, then they thrive on your fear as that is sending them your energy (food) as that keeps them going, keeps them alive.

If you have intent to end this hatred that is being directed at others, you need to become aware of when you are being activated and triggered into this denied rage and hatred and then find the source of this hatred energy and release it. If you have intent to heal and end the hatred that is being directed at you, and your fear of confronting that hatred, you also need to find the source of your fear and release it, and in the process, heal that part of you. But, there is always a but. This is not as simple as it seems as there are also issues of denied terror and heartbreak that also have to be touched and healed for true healing to take place.

Compassion I was doing my exercises this morning and thought of a friend and how I’ve been noticing her moving further and further away, meaning having less and less mental awareness and consciousness. I know there is nothing I can do to save her, as she has free Will and must make the choice to save herself. Even if I tried to pull her out of her downward spiral, she would either fight to resist me, or, if she responded, it would only be as long as I was supporting her and as soon as I let go, she would drift back down again as she has no intent to change the heart to do it.

I then thought of the word compassion and that it’s knowing that you can’t help a person, and that you just have to let them go. That’s different than being in a situation where you know you can help another, like grabbing someone that is preoccupied and about to walk in front of a moving bus. You respond in the moment and then, what they do or don’t do after that moment is their choice. Is example is by no means the only form of compassion and while they are different situations, what is similar in all is that there is no attachment to the person, place or thing.

Says 85 – Israel doing more saber rattling in preparation for war

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2012 Sept 17 Monday Iran on brink of nuclear bomb in six-seven months: Netanyahu

“Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu warned on Sunday that Iran was just six to seven months away from the brink of being able to build a nuclear bomb.”
“Netanyahu’s sharpened rhetoric in recent days had stoked speculation that Israel might attack Iran before the U.S. election, believing that Obama would give it military help and not risk alienating pro-Israeli voters.”

“It’s the same fanaticism that you see storming your embassies today. You want these fanatics to have nuclear weapons?” Netanyahu asked in the NBC interview, in a clear emotional appeal to Americans still reeling from the angry protests sparked by a film that mocked the Prophet Mohammad.”
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What he’s NOT saying, what is being denied is that Israel has a stockpile of Nuclear weapons, and has had for decades. As long as they are the only country in the Middle East with nuclear weapons, they don’t want anyone else with the same capabilities as that would neutralize base of power, which of course, is backed by the USA.

What he’s also not saying about the recent events and killing of US embassy staff is that the people were provoked by the recent release of the film, “Innocence of Muslims,” which is an anti Islam video that claims Islam is a lie and that Mohammed was a pedophile. Muslims are reacting to this religious insult just as Christians would also be outraged if anyone mocked Jesus, or Jews reacting to any anti Moses propaganda. Just because they’re Muslims reacting to their religious beliefs, they are called fanatics, while if that happened to Christians or Jews, their violent outbursts would be deemed justified.

The thing that is starting to come out about this film is that the film was endorsed and funded by the US government. Similar to the recent Colorado “Dark Knight Batman” Theatre Massacre, there is also a cover-up going on as things don’t add up and clearly points the finger at the US government and their agencies.

UPDATE:
Iran on brink of nuclear bomb in six-seven months: Netanyahu

Who’s Sabotaging Iran’s Nuclear Program?

Twenty-five plus countries prepare for strike in Iran

Says 75 – Evolution not Revolution

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In going through my stuff, I had picked up an old business card from a Doctor I visited when I was out West. I noticed the name of the Health care centre (clinic) that he worked out of at the top of the card, but what caught my attention wasn’t the name, but the caption underneath it that read,

“A Revolution in Health Care”

I thought about it for a few seconds and realized that any REVOLUTION doesn’t really change anything as a revolution by definition is simply a rotation of 360 degrees, a complete circle or cycle ending back at the same point. While it’s true that people, places and things can change with each revolution, what doesn’t change are the basic thoughts, ideas, imprints, programs and beliefs that the people have. When people feel they are being controlled and over-powered, they seek to overthrow those they feel are in a position of power so that they can become the ones in power and in control. So in reality there is only a change in form.

Later I thought that what we need is not a revolution, to overthrow the powers to be, but an evolution, a letting go of all our old imprints, programs and beliefs that will then enable us to create what we really desire in a totally new way, from a new blueprint. Humanity needs to awaken to a new awareness of themselves and all that is around them. To see themselves for who they really are, and not what they think and believe they are and what society presently projects they should be or try to be. They need to become aware that they are a Spiritual Being having a physical experience, and not just a physical Body coping as best they can with the life they are experiencing, and waiting for death to become a spiritual Being and have a better life. Humanities thinking is all backwards.

Says 74 – Courage

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2012 July 30 6:30 am. I was thinking of a discussion I had with a friend on Courage. It doesn’t take courage to pretend that you are OK when you’re not. That’s false courage and the illusion and lie that that they present to others so that they won’t feel week, alone, vulnerable, not good enough, a failure, unlovable, and the list goes on and on. Pretending that one is fine by putting on a false bravado and face to others is also a disguised form of unloving heartlessness toward themselves. By pretending that you have conquered, or are unaffected by your physical adversities, or the things and people in your life that are activating you, you are not only fooling others, but also yourself.

Real courage is not only admitting all the things that you omit, avoid and deny, but to also dig deeper and have the inner strength to not only face your issues, but to mentally, emotionally and physically allow yourself to move what has never been allowed to move, your darkest fear. That is true courage and that is the only thing that will bring light and understanding to what has been denied and in kept in the dark. That is love, unconditional love that can move mountains and give you the life you have only dreamed and hoped was possible.

Says 73 – I found the cause of the pain in my neck.

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2012 July 31 I had previously mentioned that I had a sore neck Says 67 – Pain in the neck and had put it down to my moving and helping my ex-wife move and arrange her furniture, but today I realized what was really going on. The irony is that the pain in my neck is directly connected to my landlord.

The landlord has been turning the A/C (Air Conditioning) off at around 8:00 pm and has been opening the doors and kitchen windows in an attempt to let cool air circulate during the night. Then anytime from 9:00 am – 11:00 am, he would turn on the A/C and close the doors and windows. Because he has been controlling the A/C, and opening and closing windows, I’ve been forced to follow his routine if I wanted any sort of comfort.

Today I realized why I have a sore neck. My window in this old Victorian house is huge, It’ measures 54 inches across and is 48 inches in height. I’ve been lifting it up about 18 inches, with my left hand while inserting a board to hold the window open. As I was opening the window today, I could feel the strain in my shoulder and neck and immediately realized that it was my opening and closing the window that had created my sore neck. Not only was this window the problem, but there is also a storm window that also needed to be opened and closed and the right hand lever was broken so it always jams in its tracks, and that also added more strain to my arms, shoulders and neck.

I’ve now decided to just leave the window partly open, day and night. If he wants to shut and open it when he shuts and opens the others, he is welcome to do it. My door is closed during the day, so any cool air that would be lost is only from my room, so it should be no skin off his nose that I leave it open.

PS: This is an actual picture of part of my room and the window in question.

Says 72 – Chat with the landlords – leaving the end of August.

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2012 July 28 Saturday 11;00 am. The landlord came to my room and asked me if I had found another place yet. I invited him into my room and we had a little chat. I stated that I liked the room and the other people living here and that I’d like to stay, but that we need to clear the air. I said that I speak my mind and ask questions when I am confused or feel someone is trying to manipulate or bullshit me. And just because I express myself, that doesn’t mean that I’m the bad one for uncovering the truth that another person is trying to hide.

I asked about the A/C and was given several BS stories. I asked about why you went into my room without permission, and you questioned my questioning you. And most recently my asking your wife why she was up here at midnight, making a noise, and basically telling me to fuck off. Me asking questions is NOT the problem. You guys not answering my question in a forthright and honest manner and lying, omitting, avoiding or denying is the problem.

He then began his response by saying that what goes on between us, stays with us. We don’t like you talking with the other tenants and stirring things up. I said that the other tenants come to me and tell me things but they are too shit scared to confront you or your wife. I told him that I don’t keep secrets and I don’t hide the truth. If the problem is uncovered and the truth is honestly and openly expressed, then there is no longer a problem as it will be resolved. The problem only continues to be a problem as long as we try to deny and cover up that there is a problem.

If I were to say nothing or to agree with you even if I did it just to make you happy, then I’d be just like you, a person that lies, omits, avoid and denies telling the truth. What would make you happy is for me to obey you and agree with anything you say or do. My being real and honest is not what you want to hear, as you would like to have obedient tenants that are just grateful for what you give them, and do what you want without question, as having that power and control over others is what makes you and your wife happy.

He then suggested that I meet with him and his wife later to discuss the matter, but she was busy showing the room across the hall from me and wasn’t going to be free until early afternoon.

1:30 pm, I went downstairs and had a meeting with both, and the woman was adamant in getting rid of me, as no matter what I said, she avoided or denied answering my direct questions. In the end, the only thing that was resolved was that I would be out by Friday, August 31 (or before) if I found another place sooner. They also stated that if I left sooner, that they would reimburse me the number of days I had left to the end of the month if I paid the full month’s rent, and also return my $100.00 deposit. The landlord extended his hand and I accepted the offer.

Says 62 – Another run in with a government agency bureaucrat

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2012 July 06, Today I went to the local ServiceOntario centre the Motor Vehicle agent to get my address changed on my drivers’ license and motor vehicle registration. I got the first woman of three behind the counter and everything went smooth until she finished and asked me if I also wanted to change the address on my OHIP (Health card). I said sure; and as she entered the data into the computer she made some strange faces and told me that my OHIP Health Insurance had been cancelled and that I needed to get a new card to get it reinstated. I said I was confused as I knew they were changing over to new photo ID cards, but not that they were cancelling the old ones. I also said that I have used it the past few months and no one said anything.

Anyway, I didn’t want to be without any health insurance, so I went home and got my birth certificate and SIN card (to PROVE my identity) and went back to the agency and waited in line. As luck would have it, I didn’t get the same woman I went to earlier. Instead I got the second one, the same nasty ignorant woman that I had before when I had a problem with getting my vehicle license for my Honda. Says 57 But I was open to see what would happen this time so I gave her my documents and she filled out the data on her computer and then asked me to sign a form she handed me. She hassled me on my signature going out of the lines and I finally, after two failed attempts, scribbled a miniature signature BETWEEN THE LINES IN SMALL RECTANGULAR BOX. That made her happy, even though it didn’t look like my signature. When all was finished, I said, I’ll like to have my card back so that….. “ But before I even finished, she sarcastically stated that I couldn’t get it back. I was angry at her cutting me off and at her tone of voice. I said calmly. “You never even let me finish what I was saying before you rudely and ignorantly cut me off… Can you listen to what I have to say? She again interrupted and stated belligerently,” You can’t have your card back.”

I wasn’t going to let this die, so now I raised my voice so that everyone in the office could hear me and again repeated myself, “Can I finish what I was saying and will you listen?” But this time, before she could open her mouth, I continued, “I have some important information taped to the back of the card regarding certain drugs that I am allergic to. I want to copy them down so that I can transfer it to the new card when I get it so that if I happen to be in an accident and unconscious and someone goes through my wallet and finds my health card, they will also see what drugs NOT to give me.”

She stared coldly at me and again stated that she can’t return the card. Just then, the third woman in the office chimed in and asked this brain dead bureaucrat if there was something written on the card. The woman replied, yes, there is. The third woman then said, “Why don’t you just give him a photo copy of the health card with his notes on it?” She looked stunned. She then slowly turned, rolled off her stool, and waddled to the photocopier, made a copy, returned to her station and shoved the copy at me. I took it and said in a sarcastic tone, “Now was that so hard?” As I turned to leave, I noticed that the first woman that had previously served me was giving me a dirty look. I glared back at her but didn’t say anything as I knew, she knew what I was thinking and she quickly lowered her head and turned back to her computer monitor. Some people waiting in line smiled as I made my way past them, while others looked pissed off. I smiled at them all.

Says 61 – Met a New Age woman from the internet

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July 06 I drove to Kitchener to meet a woman that I had met on an internet forum that suggested that we meet for coffee and a chat. It was the first time that I met another new age person on line that only lived ½ hour away from me. We met at a coffee shop and talked for about an hour and a half, and left with her giving me an invitation to go canoeing.

That was on Friday, but by Sunday, she had not only withdrawn the offer, but stated that she wanted nothing more to do with me. It seems that during our little coffee time chat, she had been activated by my story of communicating with demons, and saying that they are only around you when they think you are about to move out of being controlled by them. Otherwise, when you are a good sheeple, they leave you alone as you are following their orders nicely. In her emails to me she also accused me of being dark and unloving energy as I had channeled them. I replied that during our coffee chat, I made it clear that I didn’t seek to communicate with them, that they came to me. That when I felt their presence around me, I had a conversation with them and I also said that you can learn a lot from them if you are not in denial and ask them questions and FEEL what they are saying or not saying.

She didn’t say anything at the time of our coffee meeting (denial), but later, when she had time to re-live her activation and denials, she couldn’t face her fear of demons and blamed me as being aligned with the dark side and one that she never wanted to be associated with. Hence her fear was activated and her way of avoiding it was to avoid me. So what else is new?

Says 57 – Arrived in Woodstock

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June 10 Sunday, 5:30 pm I arrived in Woodstock and stayed at my ex-wife’s apartment while I looked for a place to stay. I arrived on Sunday evening and my daughter who was expecting and out visiting friends, went into labour and had boy (Max) 5 lbs 12 oz at around 4:00 am on Monday morning.

June 11, My first order of business was to get my vehicle safety inspected and emissions tested so that I could get it licensed. It passed with flying colours, but I had a haste with a woman at the license place who tried to make me believe that the Saskatchewan dealer never gave me the proper papers.
I called the dealer and while he was on the phone, I tried to get her to talk to him so that he could send down the missing papers, but she refused. She reluctantly said she would call head office while I waited to the side. I thanked the salesman from Regina Honda for his time and ended the call and waited.

It turned out that while she was on the telephone, I overheard the ignorant bitch say that she had never registered a vehicle from Saskatchewan. She then asked me for the same papers I gave her before and not saying a word, she did her job as she was walked through the process. She then tried to charge me GST that I had already paid in Saskatchewan and I called her on that, and she quietly corrected her mistake. There was no need to say anything more as she knew, her co-workers knew and all the 15 people waiting in line knew that she had fucked up as I overheard those that had been in line when I was having the issue, tell the others who were asking what the problem was.

June 13, I found a place and will be moving in on June 14. It’s an old Victorian house with 5 rooms on the second floor that are being rented out. There are presently two young guys and one woman living there and another woman will be moving in on Saturday. I have one of the largest rooms, measuring about 15 x 15 feet with a closet. It also has a queen size bed, night table, dresser, bookshelf, computer table, small drop-leaf table with two chairs, a small bar fridge, LCD TV, cable TV and wireless internet. We all share the kitchen and washroom that are also quite large.

Says 46 – Oxygen sensor issues with my car

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May 2 Tuesday Last Friday, my mother had been over for a visit and I drove her home. When I left her apartment building, I drove over a speed bump and my 1999 Toyota Tercel hit bottom. A of couple blocks later, I noticed my engine light was on, and my first thought was that something jiggled loose when I hit the bump, even though I didn’t hit it very hard. When I got home, I called the local Toyota dealer, Taylor Motor Sales in Regina, Sask. and made arrangements to take it in on Monday.

I took it in on Monday morning and told them the story of when the light came on. They checked it out and told me that an oxygen sensor was faulty and that they would have to order it. While he told me that, he also presented me with an invoice for $137.50.

I asked the service rep, “Did he check to see if it was a loose connection.”
He said, “No, that they would check it when they put a new one in and that they had to order one.”
I asked, “How does the mechanic know if it’s not just a loose wire and not a faulty sensor if he never physically checked it? I told you I went over a bump and the engine light came on shortly after that.”
His reply was, “If it’s just a loose wire, he’ll see it when he replaces the oxygen sensor.”

I got off my chair and pointing to the invoice he had just given me, and with a sarcastic tone to my voice, I asked. “Why would I pay $556.60 for an oxygen sensor, plus labor, plus taxes, for a part that I don’t need, if the problem is just a loose wire. And that’s not counting the $137.50 that you’re charging me today for this report. I’ve had an oxygen sensor replaced by a Toyota dealer before and it was just over $200.00 in total. This is ridiculous.”

Anyway, we got into a little argument and I tossed my debit card on his desk. As he was processing it, I exclaimed in a voice that was loud enough so that all five of the service reps and their customers would hear, as well as others in the open area, that I would never come back for service and neither would I recommend anyone else to do so. He then tossed the card back at me in an act of defiance and I caught it before it slid off the desk. I asked him why he was angry; he wasn’t the one that was being gouged? He didn’t say anything, but glared at me.

The next day I went to see my sister’s mechanic and arranged for them to do the work. He quoted me $210.00, parts, labor and taxes. I also decided to call Toyota Canada and let them know that I was not happy with their dealer. I gave them all the details, including invoice number, service representative, etc.. That’s just bullshit, and as long as car dealers that can get away with gouging, they will.

Says 45 – Doubles and doppelganger

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April 29 Sunday 3:30 AM I awoke from a dream thinking of doubles, of seeing identical twins and also of seeing myself in a mirror. I was going through all the different scenarios of doubles and reflections and then remembered my experience with my doppelganger  when I was working in cable TV years ago. I was working as a service/maintenance man but also had a part time job with the same company as a sales rep at night. I was in the midst of a sale pitch to a potential customer that I knew couldn’t afford cable TV and didn’t really want it, but I wasn’t interested in what he told me and what he wanted, I was more interested in making my commission on the sale.

I almost had him talked into signing up, when out of the corner of my eye, in my peripheral vision, I saw myself leaning against the hallway wall looking at me. He was about 10 feet (3 meters) away from me, and I not only saw this identical image of myself, but I was also aware of what this other me was thinking as I was also in his body looking at me. I was consciously flipping back and forth between being in my Body and in his Body.

One part of me was trying to close a sales pitch while observing this other part of me that was looking at me and wondering how far I would go to make a dollar, if I was willing to sell my Soul to make a buck. I was aware of what I was thinking and seeing, and then in the next instant, my consciousness was in this doppelganger and aware that he was thinking of me and looking at me. Seeing the me that was making the sales pitch to a potential Cable TV customer was unnerving to say the least. It was like this doppelganger was the good side of me, while the me that was trying to close the sale was evil and would do anything for a dollar, even if I had to over-power others to get them to do what I wanted. When I decided to shift my gaze to look directly at this doppelganger self, he disappeared.

When I turned back to talk to the customer, he looked concerned and asked me if I was having a heart attack, or had seem a ghost as I looked white and pale. I didn’t tell him what happened, but I told him that he was right, that he didn’t need Cable TV and left it at that and called it a night. That was also the end to my part-time sales job as I didn’t feel that selling my Soul was worth the few dollars I made selling Cable TV. I had never experienced anything like that before or since.

Says 40 – Lost hopes, dreams, desires and innocence

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2012 April 9 Lost hopes, dreams and desires are directly related to experiences where you had the opportunity to fulfill those dreams and desires, but you were either denied having the experience, or you denied it yourself. As much as you now hope and long for another opportunity to re-live the experience as you would like to do things differently, it’s also futile, as that moment has passed and things have changed. It’s is impossible to even pretend and deny that the original experience never happened. Even knowing that you have a second chance, doesn’t make it the original experience, as you already have that imprint, program and belief, that it is a lost hope, dream and desire, that was put in place from the original denied experience.

With that realization comes the feelings of heartbreak, as well as anger and rage at yourself for being held back, or for holding yourself back. While these feelings and emotions are quick to surface, what is harder to reach and also the most important is your denied terror, and why you felt your terror was correct at that time, in denying the experience.

What brought this topic up was my remembering a few experiences in my early adolescence. While I was curious about girls and wanted to talk with them and be friends, I was also afraid that I was bad or that others would think that I was bad. The reason behind those thoughts was due in part to my religious upbringing and my mother, and secondly was the result of being bullied and not wanting to say or do anything that would give others a reason to attack me. This was my terror that I denied, and as such, I denied any experiences where I had the desire to do so.
Now, decades later, I wonder what would have happened if? If I had done that, if I had said that, and hundreds of other if’s. Guilt and shame were also involved in keeping me from the experiences I was curious about and desired. This is also associated with lost innocence, innocence that I denied, and now, lost youth, as I’m now decades older, and I can’t relive my youth….or at least, that is my present belief.

It’s interesting that I added that as an afterthought as that thought came from nowhere. So maybe there is a way to heal all this and to reclaim lost innocence and fulfill my lost hopes, dreams and desires.

As I’m writing this, I’m feeling over whelmed at all that I have lost. I have very few memories of my childhood, adolescence, teen and even adult life. Not like some people I know that can remember minute details and even the exact date. What I do remember mostly are things associated with lost hopes, dreams and desires. I’m realizing that I was either living in the past, heartbroken and angry over what I had experienced, or I was in terror of what was awaiting me in the future. As such, I had very little of my conscious presence fully in the present moment.

Says 39 – Realization that love is polarized

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2012 April 08 Sunday, I have had the experience and understanding of what conditional and Unconditional love was for a few years now. Post 866 Insight into Conditional and Unconditional love That love has extremes that move from the darkest feelings of psychopathic loathing, hatred and cold indifference, all the way to conditional love in a state of mindless bliss, and then to Unconditional love where there are no attachments, conditions, judgments or denials. From being negative, domineering and controlling, to being positive, open and free. While I knew all this, what I realized today was that love was polarized, and I never thought of it that way before.

Polarity is the expanding principals or forces of the same essence or thing, and moving in opposite directions, away from each other. Hot-cold, dark-light, left-right, forward-reverse, large – small, and the list goes on and on. To an observer, polarity has no real meaning, as it is merely a mental concept as you would not know what hot or cold was by looking at it, unless you had some personal experience. It’s only when you experience it from a subjective state, and sense and feel the experience that you begin to understand the various attributes of that essence.

I feel there is more to it as I feel that love is also associated with life and death, from essence that desires life, to essence that desires unconsciousness and death, and everything in between. Everything is energy and is connected with love, which is life. It really doesn’t matter where anyone is on the grand scale of things as they are in their right place…………………………………….

Ahhhhh… As I wrote that last line I felt that is not the truth or we wouldn’t be in the mess that we are in. That is what this shift that is coming is all about, moving everyone and everything to its right place so that it will like what it feels. That there will no longer be the mixing together of the different essences as that is what has created the conflict in creation. While polarity provides infinite possibilities with which to experience manifestation, it is only when these polarities are intertwined or over lapping that duality is created, which brings us to the nature of good and evil.

Hummm……   This is all beginning to make sense to me in a new way.

Says 38 – Quit two Facebook groups

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2012 April 05, Well today I officially removed myself from two facebook groups that I have been in for a few years. They were the Right Use of Will, (RUOW) group and Spirit group. I had unsubscribed from them before to take a breather, but now I’ve make a clean cut, which included taking back any of my power and essence that I gave them or that they took from me, as well as giving back any power and essence that I took from them or they gave to me..

The group was originally an “open” group, meaning that anyone could join, but when the founder stepped down, new people took over and the group was changed to a “closed” group, meaning admittance by invitation only. Since then the place has been getting darker and darker, and unless you were in agreement and kowtowed with those that had a like minded following, you were either attacked or ostracized if you disagreed with them. While there are a few people there that I felt have intent to heal, that unfortunately is not the common consensus of the group. As such, I felt that it was no longer my right place, and for that reason, I left.

It’s too bad that the name of the group is Right Use of Will, as I feel what is happening there now is totally the opposite of what RUOW represents. I’ve never really focused on promoting my facebook group, “The Heart Centre,“ as I felt the others were already established and seemed to be what I was also trying to create, but now, I don’t know, I’ll just play it by ear and see what happens.

Says 35 – How I abuse my Body…. and Body talks to me.

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2012 March 30 6:50 am I was just thinking of how I do all the things that I THINK are helping my Body, but that I’m actually doing the REVERSE. I’m denying what I don’t like, what I don’t want to accept that my Body is showing me, and how I look to outside things to make my Body either feel good, or look better.

What I need to do, is what the message said, to listen to my Body. If it’s an ache, pain or illness, I need to listen and feel what my Body is holding and work on releasing that unloving denied energy that is creating the imbalance.

If I don’t like what I see with my Body, gray hair, saggy skin, wrinkles, and a lack of strength and vitality etc, then instead of trying to force the body to exercise or use external products to try to reverse the aging process, I need to do the opposite. And again, I need to listen to my Body and let it tell me what I needs to do and to help it rejuvenate itself by finding what it is holding and then releasing the programs and beliefs and the denied energy that it has been holding for years.

2012 April 01 This morning, as I was getting out of bed , I was thinking of what I was going to have for breakfast. I nonchalantly asked my Body what it would like and to my surprise, I distinctly heard a voice in my head, say, “I’d like some porridge this morning.”
I asked, “With strawberries and Blueberries?”
I heard my Body reply, “No strawberries, just blueberries as the strawberries are not healthy.”
I sat on my bed for a few moments, taking in all that just happened. I got up feeling a happiness and lightness in my Body that I haven’t felt since I was a child. It brought tears to my eyes.

 

Says 34 – Letting go of the Old world and creating a new World

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2012 March 30 6:40 am I awoke and was thinking of all the things that are wrong in this world and I began to write a list.

Corrupt government, federal, provincial, and municipal
Religious beliefs and conflict
The wars and military spending
Pharmaceutical drugs and medical care
High gas, food, electrical and housing prices
High CATV, satellite, telephone, cell phone and internet prices
GMO foods and animals
Polluted land, water and air
Chemtrails and government cover-up
Big brother watching you
And the list goes on and on.

I then though, this is way too much to try to fix and that the only way we are going to change things is to let go of it and let it self destruct and then we’ll build a brand new world to rise out of the ashes like the fabled Phoenix. By self-destruct, I don’t mean that the World (Earth) should be destroyed, but that the SYSTEMS that are presently in a position of power be destroyed. When they are gone, along with those that support that system; those that remain can then begin the process of creating a New World with a new blue print of how reality can be when denials are ended.

Says 33 – Message on Clearing illness and aging from the Body.

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2012 March 30 2:30 am, Before I went to bed I was read a few pages in the “Right Use of Will” RUOW (Page 2) on clearing illness and habits. When I went to bed, I had been thinking of how to heal my Body and later I awoke hearing the following message. I reached now and picked up my journal that I have between my night table and my bed , turned the light on and began to write the following message.

Say this aloud and make it your intent.

Body, I am here to help you heal yourself. What is it that you desire me to help you come into full Being? I will listen to your wants, needs, and desires and will do my best to fulfill them? I know that I have not listened to you in the past and have gotten you to do what I wanted and thought was the right thing. I know you are also holding a lot of the Wills denied energy and I am ready to help you release it and to help you and the Will heal and come into full consciousness, glory and power. This is my intent, This is my intent with Body, Will and Heart. I ask that you teach me, to help me listen to you, and to know that it is your Will, your true desire. It is time to end this battle, this struggle, as it is life that we all desire and so to achieve that, we all need to let go of all that does not serve our highest purpose and good.

We sense your doubt and fear, and like your brothers comment to Peter “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt,” we want to add, that what he did not say was that,” You know that all things are possible, you have only to imagine them and they will manifest for your experience.”

I ask Father, Mother and the Company of Heaven to help me, help us bring Heaven to Earth and to live life as we have never know it. Amen.

Says 32 – Faith and your Power

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2012 March 30 A few days ago, I uploaded a bunch of religious and Spiritual pictures to my facebook account. Gathering from the comments I was getting, people were being activated and confused between the words “faith” and “religion,” as religious doctrine uses the words interchangeably. I feel that faith and religion (religious beliefs) are not one and the same, as even the Bible sets them apart. To clarify this issue, today I uploaded three pictures where I had added text containing some Biblical scripture that Jesus said that defined the meaning of Faith.

Says 30 – Tourettes syndrome and the denial of terror

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I was watching a documentary on 20 / 20 about Tourettes syndrome  and I found it interesting that they said that the symptoms usually appeared in children around the ages of 5 – 9 and then carry on into adult life, although it decreased with age.  I watched as they followed a few children around their daily activities and saw how they functioned, as well as how the medical community was dealing with their symptoms that they acknowledged were stress related, for which they gleefully prescribed drugs as a treatment. The children not only had to deal with Tourettes, but also the drugs and their sides effects.  The doctors also suggested that the parents, who were stressed by the child’s outbreaks, should ignore any emotional displays and tantrums that the child exhibits. Even writing this pisses me off. I could just take the fucking doctors and psychiatrists and shake them until their heads fall off.  Ignorant and arrogant fuckers.

The attacks were usually activated by a loud noise, voice, crowd, or a physical touch. The activated person would then respond verbally, or physically, but not in a way that could be understood. By that I mean that they would either cough, bark like a dog, or make other animalistic sounds, or they would howl, tweet, shriek, or utter high pitched notes, snap their fingers,or they would cuss and swear as a form of verbal release. The other form of expression was a physical release (tics) where their body would momentarily freeze up and if it was mild, they would simply go into rolling or blinking their eyes a few times, or they would explode in a variety of convulsive type movements and gestures.  Some would exhibit the symptoms of OCD or ADHD and would repeat physical movements or habits for as long as they were being activated. Others would hit themselves or pull their hair as a form of self-punishment. Still others would express their denied rage by throwing a temper tantrum, or by flying into a verbal barrage of cuss and swear words and gestures aimed at those that they felt were attacking them..

As the documentary progressed I could feel  that it was their denied terror that was moving in the only way that it was allowed any expression in that moment.  Something happened to them as a  child that traumatized them and the only way they could feel safe to release the pressure of the emotions they were feeling was to ACT it out in a way that would not be understood and cause more trauma. Hence, whenever they would be activated by a similar experience to the one that traumatized them, they would go off into their non-sensible verbal and physical emotional expressions.

A few days later, I happened to be chatting with a guy in a facebook group on healing emotions. As he shared his form of emotional release, I immediately knew he had Tourettes. He was very defensive at first, but then admitted his issue and we got into a discussion. He stated that when he was terrified, that total panic would set in and that he would flip out, meaning that his Body would go off into all sorts of physical gymnastics and he would momentarily leave his Body. He said he felt a sense of relief and that it was so good to get out of his Body as what he was feeling was driving him crazy.  He also stated that he felt terror of having to go back, but not as much as he did before he gapped.  This was a man in his 30-40’s and while he said his symptoms were now a lot better than they were as a child, he was still faced with the possibility of flipping out at any time. When asked if he had traced his emotional trauma back to his childhood he became defensive again.  The only reason that Tourettes seems to disappear with age is that is just had years of denial and learned forms of avoiding the situations that triggered the re-action.

This is not the documentary I was watching, but a YouTube video on Tourettes…

Says 27 – The cause of all illness and aging is denial

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2012 March 19, The present issues I’m working on is healing my Body and manifesting my desires and that includes dealing with illness and aging that are manifested by the Body. While there are countless forms of disease, there is only one underlying cause, and that is denial. Denial, the denied energy (reversed polarity) from all parts of the self is what causes the disease and aging. Although it’s not obvious, it’s the unseen role of denial that is the root of our beliefs and judgments, and I’ve found that one of the biggest limitations and judgments on our Being is our social and personal definitions of who and what we are. If you make a list of all your negative “I am” faults, you will have a record of all your limiting beliefs and judgments. Some of my limiting “I am” beliefs and judgments are:

I am getting old because:
I’m not as strong as I once was
I’m not as energetic as I once was
I am getting white hair
I am losing my hearing
I am losing my eyesight
I am feeling pain in my bones
I am feeling pain in my muscles

While I have some knowledge, insights and understandings into the issues in my life from my past emotional healing experiences, I still don’t have the understandings I need to solve this current illness and aging issue with my Body. I have yet to apply my knowledge and experience it in a real life situation, in the “now” or present moment, to see if what I think I know, really works.

The cause of all pain and suffering is denial.

Says 26 – The power of labels and our core “I am” beliefs

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I’m in a Facebook group where I’ve been having an exchange with a man that admits he is gay. As he defended his belief of his gender preference, I realized that he was no different than a person saying they were an alcoholic or a drug addict. While the man said, “I am gay” he totally missed the fact that he is a Spiritual Being having a physical experience which happens to be being in a sexual relationship with a man, which is labeled by society as the person being gay. Being gay is what he is experiencing; it is not what he is… BIG difference.

I also realized that any mental, emotional or physical affliction is the same as an addiction in that both carry the denied underlying causes related to their physical experiences. If people allow themselves to be identified by the LABELES that their Doctor, or society puts on them, then they will have resigned themselves to be defined by those limiting and crippling beliefs. They will unconsciously will live their lives in pain and misery until such time that they choose to let go of their label belief and decide to find the hidden cause, the unseen role of denial underpinning their experience.

Our fears are connected to our “I AM” core beliefs that limit us from being who we really are. Our fears are not bad or evil, but they have their origins rooted in real life traumatic unloving experiences were we fragmented a piece of our Essence out of our Being. While we are mentally unaware of the fragments that have been denied, we are aware of their presence by their magnetic draw to be accepted, yet we still deny them, or rather, deny dealing with the original cause that created the fragmentation and resultant programs and beliefs. It’s a double blind situation as we are unaware of what we are doing and what we need to do to resolve and heal the situation and therefore we ignorantly believe our denials as being the truth and the truth as being our denials.

The same goes for other beliefs like, I am not free, I am poor, homeless, unhappy, depressed, etc. All these are limiting “I AM” beliefs and as such, are locked into the CORE of our psyche, our BEING. Until they are cleared and released, it’s impossible to become our true “I AM” presence as these beliefs, and the denied feelings and emotions behind the experiences that led to these beliefs, are overriding our true essence and power.

Affirmations like, “I am happy, I am abundant. I am free,” etc., are just a forms of denial and role-playing that only serve to deepen the belief. As an example, simply saying “I am happy” when one is actually feeling sad is in blatant denial of our true feelings and emotions.

 

Says 17 – Past memories of dying

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2012 Feb 19 12:30 am Sunday, I just had a memory flashback of not wanting to die and how panicked my Mind was. It was in morbid terror, not wanting to die.  I don’t know where this feeling and image came from as I was just drifting off to sleep when I was startled by it.

A few seconds later I had flashed back to my childhood when my mother tried to drown me and how I felt free when my Spirit was out of my Body,  Hovering above my Body that lay still and motionless in a small bathtub, relieved that it (the hate) was finally over and that now I could have peace.

Then I flashed back to the night I was conceived and again the feelings of not wanting to be here, as there was no love.  Although they were married, my father was basically raping my mother. But this feeling of wanting to leave feels different than the previous one. It’s more like Heart feeling he didn’t want to be here as it was not the love and life he desired, or expected.

Humm, this is getting complicated.

Says 15 – Stopping the cycle of death and reincarnation

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February 18 7:15 AM So in order to stop the cycle of death and reincarnation, and to bring all the presently untapped physical senses into reality, Spirit (Mind) has to begin to not only accept what the Body, Will and Heart are feeling in the present moment, but to also feel what happened to them  in the past. Spirit needs to go where it has never gone before and experience what it thinks will kill it, to a place where Will/Body were abandoned and left to die. It’s Body (form) that holds the most denials as even the Will gradually has to leave it, not that she wanted to, but she had no choice.

Feb 18 1:10 PM Not that all of Heart left after Spirit left, as only the part of Heart that is Spirit polarized left, leaving the Will polarized part of Heart to die along with Body and Will. I just felt the heartbreak of both Spirit polarity Heart in having to leave the Body/Will, and the Will polarity of itself and how he felt he had no choice, and how Will polarity Heart, felt broken, betrayed, alone and a host of other feelings and emotions. Will polarity Heart was also trapped in a dying Body and quickly losing consciousness, meaning that the physical heart and circulatory system and blood were also dying, and in the process, cutting off possibility of physical life from the rest of the Body.

This is horrible! What a fucking heartbreaking waste!  I don’t know what else I can call it as there are just too many feelings and words to describe what I just felt. It’s all based on imprinting that goes back to the very beginning, to original Cause.

Before you can know what life is, you need to know what death is.

To know what love is, you need to know what is not love.

If any part of us is in denial of another part of ourselves, that part being denied is receiving death.  So how can we call what we are experiencing life, when a part of us is dying? Cutting off parts of us that are dying only means that we are losing more consciousness and essence. Eventually Spirit, that is electric in nature, also dies because without the Wills Magnetic essence there is no longer the compliment of forces necessary for Spirit/Will to co-exist. Without the Yin, there is no Yang.

Says 14 – Body carrying the (LOAD = Lies, Omission, Avoidance, Denial)

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February 18 6:25 AM I was thinking about death and how Spirit (Mind) has never experienced what our Body and Will have experienced. When a person dies, it’s the Spirit (life force) that leaves first, and then, within a few seconds, Heart (represented by our physical heart) stops and with that, there is no longer any flow of the life force to nourish the Body.

The Will, being magnetic in nature, doesn’t leave the Body immediately, nor does she want to as life is what she desires, but without Spirit presence, to animate Body with life, the Body cannot exist in the form it had. Without Spirit, the Will is slowly forced to leave the Body, and as she leaves, the parts of the Body begin to return to the original essence and elements that it was made from. One thing I need to mention is that just because Spirit and Heart have left the Body/Will, that doesn’t mean that the Body’s  and Will’s ability to feel and sense what is going on has stopped, as only Body’s ability to move and respond has ceased to function. It can still feel pain in all those parts that still have Will presence, it just can’t move and respond to them.

It’s like a person that is in a coma and while they are unable to communicate, they are totally aware of what is going on, they just can’t move their eyes, speak, or even move their finger to show they are alive and aware of their surroundings and the physical and emotional pain they are in. A person in a coma still has some part of their Spirit essence in their Body as it hasn’t totally decided to leave, yet. It has lifted most of it’s essence and consciousness, except for what is needed to keep the body/Will alive.  Heart presence is still in the Body to maintain the flow of life essence. Left unattended, the person would be unable to feed or care for themselves and unless Spirit chose to return, a slow and agonizing dying process would follow until such time that Spirit did leave and Body/Will would feel abandoned, unloved, rejected, and heartbroken.

I just felt and realized that while Spirit has never experienced what Body and Will have, that there is a part of Heart essence that has remained and experienced an aspect of dying. Although this part of Heart has momentarily remained, it has only experienced Spirit leaving and only the very beginning of the emotional and physical pain that the Will and Body was feeling, as when it felt its terror of death, it was quick to follow Spirit. Spirits terror is to experience dying and death, as life is what it is, and Heart has similar issues. When Spirit (Mind) says that death is nothing, it is only nothing to Spirit because Spirit has never experienced it, so there was NO THING to experience.

Humm? This relates back to the beginning of how Spirit is in terror of losing any part of the Body’s FULL sensations, especially sight, and sound, as then it is in the dark, the unknown, and left to the remaining senses, of touch, taste and smell, feeling crippled and powerless.

Loss of the physical senses and the body’s physical abilities of its youth terrify the Spirit and is in part, the cause of aging, as Spirit tries to deny what has happened to Body as a result of the experiences it, and the Will have had to endure without the acceptance and help from Spirit. All the times when Spirit/Will/Body/Heart were confronted with traumatic experiences, Spirit did what it thought it needed to do in order to survive, by cutting off and denying the parts of itself, it’s Will, (feelings and emotions) as well as Body sensations.  It’s all these denials, (denied reversed energy) that the body is forced to hold and carry. It’s the LOAD (Lies, Omission, Avoidance, Denial)  that gradually weighs down the Body, causing it to move and react slower and not heal like it once did , and to also diminish its senses.  That’s when Spirit begins to become aware of the things it doesn’t like about the Body, which only adds to the denials that the Body is forced to hold, thus accelerating the process of illness and aging.

Note: In looking for an autopsy picture to use on my blog post I happened upon this picture and then followed it to the main website.  If you want to see and feel what a medical team does to a Body that is still alive, but can’t move, then visit this site.

I must warn you, the pictures are very graphic and disturbing.