Says 107 – Going to quit taking ballroom dance lessons

2012 Oct 31 While I’ve had fun and enjoyed the ballroom dance lessons, I’ve decided that I’m going to quit and not sign up for the next level. The main reason being that in order to feel comfortable and to advance, (add more tools – steps and techniques) I need to practice with a partner. While I can practice my own steps, (right or wrong) at home, it’s a whole different situation when I go to class and am dancing with, and leading a partner that has also not practiced with a partner. If I was practicing with my dance partner, we could help each other and then polish up our moves in class as well as learn the new steps, but that is not the case. While I took international ballroom dance lessons before, (1990 and again briefly in 2006) these classes are American social, so while it is similar, it is also different.

I signed up when I was living in Brantford and have since moved to Woodstock, which is a 35-minute drive in good weather. Even if I had a partner in Brantford to practice with, driving back and forth a couple of times a week and then attending the Tuesday night class is a lot, especially with winter coming on. My last lesson in level one will be on Thursday November 1 and the last class for level 2 will be on Tuesday, November 6.

Says 106 – Things working out

2012 Oct 29 Well it looks like I’ll being here for a while as things have definitely changed for the better. Paul has quit smoking weed/hash in the house and I’m getting along fine with the other two guys that are living here. We don’t have too much interactions as they all work, albeit not the normal 8-5 hours. I have adjusted my schedule so that I now have breakfast about ¾ of an hour later than the 8;00 am I was used to. I also have supper about ¾ an hour earlier than usual, that way I’m not in the way of the others when they come home, or leave to go to work.

The winter parking issue has also been resolved as Paul’s neighbors’ are snowbirds and have left for Florida for the winter and have told Paul that we can use their driveway, which holds two vehicles. The city of Woodstock has a winter street parking resection in effect from December to the end of March where there is no overnight parking allowed on any street because of snow removal.

Says 105 – Fossils – “Digging up bones”








I went for a walk by the local lake and decided to explore a small stream bed, littered with stones and pebbles. The water level of the lake had been dropped in preparation for the coming winter and spring run-off, now exposing what had been hidden underwater. I hadn’t walked five steps when I saw my first fossil, the honeycomb, and a couple of minutes later I found a piece of petrified wood. After about fifteen minutes, I had two pockets full of fossils, some actual the fossilized animal or plant, and others just their imprints.

Says 104 – Another sleepless night and confrontation

2012 Oct 08 2:30 am Well I’ve been awake for a good hour and a half coughing and hacking away from the smell of weed/hash. I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and when I opened my door, the unmistakable smell of weed and another smell that could be hash, filled my lungs and I began to cough and hack. When I was in the bathroom, I opened the window and was able to breathe some fresh air. Even though I held my breath when I went back to my room, the damage had been done as I continued to cough, as my lungs were trying to expel the poison they had taken in. This shit tonight is not only affecting my lungs, but is also giving ne a headache and I feel disoriented. I’m letting Paul know tomorrow that I’ll be looking for another place.

9:45 am. I met Paul in the hallway, and told him that I don’t see him giving up his addiction to pot and whatever, so I’ll be looking for a new place and will be moving out by the end of the month. I told him how it was affecting me and even as I talked to him in the hallway, I could feel my breathing getting shorter and my voice raspy, as could he. He said that I was a good tenant and that he didn’t know it affected me in the way that he could now see. He said that he didn’t want me to go and that he would stop using it if it bothered me, and that he would do it outside or away from home. I said, OK, we’ll see.

We talked for a few minutes and I told him that I was also allergic to some men’s cologne and after-shave, women’s perfume, hand sanitizers, air fresheners and cleaning products, etc. and told him what they physically did to me. Well it looks like I might be living here for a while.

Says 103 – Sleepless night – Overcome with the smell of weed

2012 Oct 06 Saturday. 2012 Oct 06 Saturday. Last night Paul and his girlfriend were in his room, smoking pot and having sex. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth around 11:15 pm and no sooner had I opened my bedroom door when I was greeted with the smell of weed. I instantly went into a coughing fit but managed to brush my teeth. As I went back to my room and noticed that I hadn’t closed my door when I went to the bathroom. Needless to say my room was now filled with the smell of marijuana and I was coughing and hacking until the wee hours of the morning and didn’t get much sleep. I didn’t get a chance to talk to Paul, as he and his girlfriend were either in his room, or they had gone out.

Man! How can I get away from all this shit? Besides Paul smoking, everyone here drinks, not that I’ve seen them drunk, but they do drink when they come home from work, and even have a beer for breakfast. What is this trying to show me?

Says 102 – More issues coming up.

2012 Oct 04 I had previously noticed a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste on the kitchen window above the sink, and this morning as I was eating breakfast at the kitchen counter, Paul was brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink. I made the comment that living here was like living in a cabin in the bush, one bowl for everything. After a brief discussion, he said that he doesn’t like brushing his teeth in the bathroom sinks as he doesn’t like to clean up afterwards. I commented, so, you rather make a mess in the kitchen sink where we prepare our food and wash our dishes. He thought for a moment and said that he would not do it anymore if it upset me, which I said it did.

Paul has a large orange translucent sink in the bathroom upstairs, but that’s it. There is no cabinetry hiding the rough plumbing job and the sink is actually 3-4 inches too high for it to be comfortable unless you are over six feet tall and he is my height. The sink is about 4 feet wide, and 3.5 feet of that is the actual basin of the sink so there is very little counter space. There is a matching mirror on the wall, but that is all there is, there is no bathroom cabinet so everything just has to lay on the limited flat surface of the sink, or on the toilet tank. The bathroom on the main level has a clear glass sink and again there are no cabinets to store anything. It’s all for presentation and not functional. I said, it looks nice but they are basically useless.

While I was at it, I went over to the cutlery drawer and pulled out a disgusting can-opener and showed it to him. I asked him why it was in the drawer along with clean utensils. It was disgusting as it was rusty and caked with old and rotten food. He said that he didn’t use it, that he used the new one. I said that’s great, but why keep it in the drawer with the new one and the other kitchen utensils when it should be in the garbage. He took it and threw it in the garbage can under the sink. With that, I said that was my bitching for the day. He laughed it off as he went out the door to go to work. PS: The picture of the can opener is the actual one…

I also realized that the actions of Paul and his friend last night remind me of high school and my trying to hang out with assholes like them that just want to get drunk and fucked. I had issues with them back then and it’s back in my face again. Hummmm?

Says 101 – Ballroom dancing level 2, another class

2012 Oct 03 Tonight I received a phone call from the Ballroom dance studio, asking me if I would be interested in taking the level 2 lessons on Tuesday, as they have a lady that was interested, but didn’t have a partner. She said that they are only asking me as they feel that I would have no problems with level 2, based on what they have seen me do in level 1. I told her that I would think about it and that I would talk to her tomorrow when I came in for my level 1 class.

2012 Oct 04 When I went in for my Thursday night class, I told the receptionist that I was interested in taking the level 2 classes. She said she would call the woman that was to be my partner and tell her.

Says 100 – Getting settled in with my new digs.

2012 Oct 02 I was looking out my window of my new place, surveying the neighborhood and property when I noticed some “plants” growing between the shed and the backyard fence. I took my camera and used my telephoto zoom to have a closer look and sure enough, there were at least 20 + marijuana plants. So the obvious observation is that if he is growing it, he must also be smoking it. When I was originally looking at the place, he told me that a former OPP officer lived beside him. I wondered what arrangement he had with him that would allow him to grow weed in his backyard. The other thing is that the house is right next to a public school yard. Sure there is a fence, a small buss and a row of cedar trees blocking the view of the plants, but it wouldn’t take much for some curious student to look over the fence and into the yard, especially when the plants are higher than the fence.

20102 Oct 03, Paul, the owner, has a Rottweiler dog that is maybe a year or so old. He keeps the dog locked up in a cage in his room from the time when he leaves to go to work until he gets home at night. Tonight I heard the dog whining as he didn’t get home until around 9:00 pm. I was talking with Harry, the older tenant about the dog and that while I felt sorry for it, I didn’t want to become the dog sitter. Letting the dog out in the back yard, getting it back in and making sure that it wasn’t “chewing” things it shouldn’t and then putting it back it its cage is not a chore that I’m interested in.

This situation reminds me of when I was staying at my ex-wife’s place when she got the standard poodle pup and then had me look after it, taking it for a walk and such. Having a pet, especially a dog is like having a child, as they need not only care but also attention and to lock them in a cage is inhumane. Why have a dog if you can’t look after it in the way it needs to be looked after.

That evening my door was partly open and I could hear Paul talking with Harry across the hallway, and then Paul went into the bathroom to have a shower. A few minutes later a young man that I had never seen before (that had been drinking) popped his head into my room and with nodding head and a drunken grin, slurred, “What’s up?” I was working on my computer at the time and as I looked up at him, I said with a voice of disgust, “What’s up with you and who in the hell are you?” He backed off and I could then hear him talking to Harry and then a moment later, Paul joined the conversation. I could now hear this drunk boasting that they were going to a strip club to see some naked women and that us “older” guys should go as we might get lucky. The last part was either said louder, or the drunk guy had turned his head and directed his comment at me. I didn’t respond as I wasn’t sure if it was meant for me or Harry as I heard Harry talking to him but I couldn’t make out what was being said. Anyway, A few minutes the two of them left.

Paul has a girlfriend that has a four-year-old daughter that I’ve met, so why he feels he needs to go out to see strippers with this drunkard friend is beyond me. Man, what is it with these drunks and potheads and their womanizing.

Says 99 – Moving out

2012 Sept 26 I had emailed and received a reply to another room I was looking at in Woodstock. I went over to see it at 6:30 pm. There are two guys and the owner living there. The owner is a young guy in his 30’s as is one of the tenants. The other tenant is an older man. The kitchen is large with plenty of cupboard space and there is a spare fridge out in the garage if needed. I decided to take the place and paid the rent for October.

2012 Sept 27 This morning I spoke with Frank before he left for work and I told him that I would be moving out by noon on Sunday, Sept 30. We had a brief chat and I felt he honestly wanted tings to work out as he also doesn’t drink or smoke, but that he is caught between a rock and a hard place as he not only has to deal with the young ones, but also his wife that drinks, smokes and likes to party. He also has an issue with confrontation that he denied at first, but then realized he was lying to himself. He said he’d give me his card before I left and that maybe we could get together for a coffee sometime.

Sept 28 Kyle came home after a couple of days of being away and saw me packing up some of my stuff. He commented that it was too bad that things didn’t work out because I was older and didn’t fit in to the partying. He then mentioned that a young guy was moving in, so there would be no problems with partying as the owners like to party. I said that only one of the owners likes to party. His response was that one does, and that is all we need. Frank will have his work cut out for him.

Sept 30. I went out for breakfast and when I came back, I found Franks Business card under my door. I began packing up the rest of my stuff and loading my Honda and left just before 1:00 pm. I drove to my new home and was basically unpacked and moved in by 3:00 pm.

Says 98 – The pursuit of happiness.

There can be no pursuit of happiness, either you are happy or you are not. Happiness is a state of being, it is what you feel in the moment without fear, judgment, attachment, or expectation. Pursuing, people, places and things in an attempt to make you happy is a fools game and at best, one that will only bring you temporary results that leave you wanting more. Instead of pursuing happiness, one needs to pursue the reason and truth of why you are unhappy, and then to heal that. When you find the cause of your unhappiness and heal it, what you are left with is being in a state of happiness. The pursuit of happiness is also intertwined with false hope, dreams and desires that “if” you can just have or do what your Mind thinks it needs, that you will be happy and satisfied.

Trying to pursue happiness is like a donkey trying to reach a carrot that is dangling from a pole attached securely to a cart that the donkey is pulling. The carrot will always be just out of reach and no matter how hard the donkey tries to reach it, he will never succeed.

Says 97 – The walking dead

2012 Sept 25, I drove into Woodstock to look at a room that I saw listed on Kijiji. It turns out that the man is dying of cancer and has only a few months left to live. It started out in his colon, then moved to his liver and is now in his lymph glands, that can’t be operated on. He said that he maybe has four months, and that he hopes to see this Christmas, but that he doubts he will see another one. He said that besides having his colon removed, he had 5/8 of his liver removed, as well as a node that they later found on it. He now has a hernia protruding out of his abdomen where his liver used to be. He looks fine and healthy while he is sitting down. He seems quite calm, cool and collected in talking about his illness and imminent death, but that is NOT what is really going on. He’s a walking dead man. How does one deal with that? Again, I’m witnessing what is going on behind the scenes.

While we were talking, his wife took a phone call and went outside on the patio to talk. I asked him why he wants to rent out a room, something that they have never done before, if he has all this going on as it will just add stress to your relationship with your wife that is working and also looking after you. He didn’t reply to my questions, but said that another person, a nurse, was coming over later this afternoon to have a look at the room and that if she didn’t want it, that I could have it. I said that a nurse staying here would be of help to him and his wife as she could provide some assistance if needed. With that, I said my goodbyes and left.

2012 Sept 26, I received an email stating that the room had been taken.

Says 96 – Air, or what is classified as a gas, is really a fluid

Air behaves very much like a fluid in that it is not as light and porous as we imagine it to be. It also exhibits certain magnetic or surface tension characteristics and properties.

I say this as I was lying on my bed and noticed a speck of dust floating in the air above me as light coming through the window above and behind me was being reflected off it. I slowly raised my hand, pointing at it with my index finger. NO matter how slowly I moved, it always moved away from me. I couldn’t’ touch it as there always appeared to be a 2 – 3 inch separation. I could move it to the left or right with my finger directing its motion, but there was no way that I could capture it. It was like I was always pushing it away from me or it was being repelled from me. It reminded me of the surface tension of a leaf on water.

This also got me to thinking and questioning my beliefs of what a solid is. I feel that what we call solids is also fluid, just is a denser for. Space is a fluid. Air is a fluid, Water is a fluid, Wood is a fluid, Rock is a fluid. So why can’t everything, including what we call matter be just different forms of fluids? If everything is energy and vibration, it is constantly moving and thus, it’s a fluid. So space, gas, liquids and solids are all is a fluid state of motion. So if we can move though space, air and water, why can’t we move though solids.Things that make you go Hummmm.

Says 95 – Seeing what is unseen

2012 Sept 22 It appears that what I’m presently going through with all my recent moves and issues, is seeing and feeling what is going on behind the scenes. Seeing the world (reality) as it really is, even with all the pretending that is going on that is trying to present the illusion of something nice and loving. It reminds me of the movie of “Alice in Wonderland” and the Wizard of OZ.

Says 94 – Having a second look at potential new room

I got an reply email form the woman who had the room for rent stating that she had more questions for me before she decided to rent me the room. I replied that I too had some questions. She wanted me to come over in the morning as she had another person coming to have a look at it in the afternoon. I emailed her saying that the afternoon was more convenient for me but if the other person was ok with her, that she should rent them the room, as each of us still had unanswered questions that didn’t make the deal a certainty. I set up an appointment to see her at 4:00 pm and stated that she was to email me if she rented the room . I never received an email, so I went to see her and asked her what happened with the person that wanted to rent it and she said that she told them it was rented. I asked her why she would say that if we still have questions and we might change our minds about sharing this space. She never replied, but changed the subject.

We chatted for a good half hour and as we went along, I decided that it was not the right place for me for a number of reasons that were not evident on my original visit. She was renting a three bedroom, two-story home with a basement and was asking $500.00/month to help pay the rent, which was 25% higher than most places. She also mentioned that she was going in for a hip replacement in January and was not going to be too mobile for a while, and I felt her hinting things she would like me to do to help her. I asked her why she just didn’t move and get a smaller place, one that she could afford, and a one level apartment that would be easier for her to move around in. She became adamant that she had put too much money into this place to leave it. She was a penny pincher when it came to using hydro, yet didn’t see how she was wasting electrical energy. She had a small kitchen and what she offered me for my food was one shelf in a small cupboard. She was also paranoid about germs and near the end of our conversation she went to the kitchen and used some hand sanitizer which sent me into a coughing fit where I could hardly breathe and I had to go outside for some fresh air. She said that she would buy a different one if that one bothered me, but that really didn’t interest me. In many ways, she reminded me of my ex-wife. Needless to say she was angry when I said I would not take the room, and later she even emailed me telling me how bad I was for leading her on.

Says 93 – Another sleepless night and clearing the air

2012 Sept 19 Kyle was up until 2:00 am last night, or that’s the last time I looked at my clock to see what time it was. At one point, I tried to drown out the sound of his TV and vocals by playing my CD player, but it didn’t do much good.

I woke up at 8:00 am tired and pissed off. I started banging doors, dropping my weights on the floor and opening and slamming my dresser drawers so as to wake up the asshole. At around 10:45 am I thought that maybe he had gone out last night, that he wasn’t in his room, and that all my banging was for nothing. At 11:30 I saw him go to the bathroom and when he returned to his room, I stopped him and we had a little chat. During our conversation it turns out that the reason he slams his door is because it won’t close otherwise. I looked at it and found the screws for the top hinge were loose. I got a screwdriver and tried to tighten them, but they were just turning as if stripped. I told him to report it to the owners and have them fix it. I then showed him that if he lifted the door handle as he was closing the door, that it wouldn’t jam at the top and need to be slammed to close.

I asked him why he didn’t say that when I first commented on his door slamming and he said that he had other things on his mind. It was a good chat and cleared the air somewhat. I told him I was leaving at the end of the month and he mentioned that he was also looking for another place.

Says 92 – The last straw – Eating my Food

2012 Sept 18 6:20 pm. Well that’s it, the last straw. Last night I made a double supper of Chicken fingers, baked potatoes and vegetables, so that I wouldn’t have to cook tonight. Shaneese was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of wine. Neither of us spoke. I went to the fridge to get my leftovers and when I opened the Tupperware container, my chicken strips were gone. Everything else was still there, but no chicken. When I saw that I exclaimed, “What the fuck!” Shanreese took off like a shot. In an instant she was down the hallway to her bedroom, glass of wine in hand. I then thought, well I’ll just have a piece of Turkey Kielbasa that I hadn’t opened yet. I went to get it and it was also gone. That was 3-4 suppers gone… I ended up frying an egg.

9:00 pm Frank, the owner told me yesterday that he was going to call a house meeting tonight. Previously, I had emailed a woman regarding renting a room so I went to see her tonight. I met the middle-aged woman that was on disability and while the place was okay, I told her I’d get back to her as I wanted to see what would happen at the meeting.

11:00 PM Well the meeting that was supposed to take place, didn’t happen. Frank didn’t get home until 10:00 pm and was having supper when I went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. He came up to me, looking exhausted and told me that he was too tired, physically and mentally to have a meeting. I didn’t say anything as I poured the hot water into my cup, but as I turned to leave, I told him that someone was into my food. He looked surprised and disgusted but didn’t say anything. I left it at that and went back to my room.
Frank has an issue with confrontation and doesn’t have the balls to confront his wife and the young tenants, as she “mother” them, as they are her drinking buddies that eagerly agree with everything she says. Later I emailed the woman and told her that I had a few more questions, but that I was seriously interested in the room.

Says 91 – New understanding of the phrase “Mother-fucker”

2012 Sept 18 As I was going into the kitchen to make my breakfast, I met Kyle as he was just leaving. He didn’t say a word as he made his way past me and down the stairs and out to the garage with his coffee. I went to the counter and saw spilled coffee grounds, sugar and water on the counter. He made a mess but either doesn’t have the mentally ability or the desire to clean up after himself. It’s like he expects his mother to look after him.

I was thinking of Kyle and just got a new understanding of the phrase “Mother Fucker.” It’s what most guys want in the way of a woman in their life. They want a woman that will replace their mother, one that will clean and pick up after them, make their meals, wash their clothes, care for them, etc, and as a bonus, one that they can have sex with anytime they want and anyway they want. But when this mother girlfriend is too tired from doing her stuff and looking after him to have sex, he will find another woman just to have sex with, and one that doesn’t play the part of his mother as all he want from her is sex. So now he has the best of both worlds, a girlfriend that is a mother figure to look after him and another fuck buddy that just wants to party and have a good time. “Mother – Fucker!”

Charlie Harper in the TV series, “Two and a half men” is a classic example of this male mental attitude towards woman, where he has a hired housekeeper “Berta” that looks after him, while he sleeps around with other women. Except that in the TV series, Charlie isn’t having a sexual relationship with Berta..

Says 91 – Drunk and partying with girlfriend

2012 Sept 17 Monday, 11:50 pm Well kyle and his girlfriend are in his room, drinking and watching TV. They have been noisy for the past hour or so, but because I was up, I didn’t say anything and I thought that she would be leaving soon. I was not trying to go to sleep, but with all this commotion, sleep was impossible. Finally I got up and knocked loudly on his door. After a few seconds with no response, I shouted out that if you plan on sleeping in tomorrow, you had better let me get some sleep tonight. “ With that, he pulled open the door, he was angry and had a few too many. He came out into the hallway, yelling at me, “What the fuck!” We got into a little yelling match and when he couldn’t intimidate me, he backed off to his room, yelling at me to never come to his door again. I closed my door and sat on my bed thinking. I heard them turn the TV down, I could still hear it, but it wasn’t blaring like before.

Well I didn’t ask. I asked the owner if there was smoking in the house, to which she said no, smoking is permitted but only outside. What I didn’t ask was… Is pot smoking allowed in the house or outside. Is drinking allowed in the house or outside. Is having friends with benefits allowed? Are sleep-overs allowed? I’ve decided, I’m out of here by the end of the month if things don’t change immediately.

2:00 am Well I woke up again, this time it was Kyle having an argument with his girlfriend. I heard raised voices and banging. I yelled out, “You woke me up again. Don’t expect me to be quiet in the morning when you want to sleep.” A couple of seconds later there was a series of loud noises, cussing and banging on my wall and then silence. But that didn’t last too long as he slammed the door when he went to the bathroom and when he returned.

Says 90 – Confrontation with weed smoking pot-head

September 14 Friday 12:55 PM Well I was awakened again, this time by a commotion coming from the hallway. I opened my door and could see that both Kyle and Shaneese’s doors were open and the lights were on. I could also smell weed. I saw movement in Shaneese’s room and saw her sitting on her bed, leaning forward and smiling like a Cheshire cat, Kyle beside her but not showing his face. I asked what was going on and she smilingly replied, “Nothing, just hanging out and chillin.” In a voice of distain, I snapped, “It’s almost 1:00 am and you woke me up.” She stared blankly at me but said nothing. I went back to my room.

Just as I was writing the experience in my journal, I heard a knock at the door. I opened my door and Shaneese was standing there, smiling and asking me if I had a problem. I snapped back that yes I have a problem. It’s 1:00 am and I was sleeping and you pot heads woke me up. She was still grinning as she made a move toward me as if to come into my room. Before she took a second step, I stepped back and slammed the door in her face. A couple of seconds later I opened it to see a stunned look on her face. She began to give me lip, telling me to F**k off and to never slam the door in her face again. She moved away and started to make her way down the hallway toward the kitchen and as she did, she ordered me to keep my mouth shut. I followed her as she turned to go down the stairs and toward the garage. I told her I wasn’t keeping my mouth shut for anyone and that owners will hear about this. As she made her way into the garage, she said that it doesn’t matter what the f**k I say as she has been here a long time. I snapped back, “Well we’ll see about that.” With her going into the garage, I left and went back into my room and tried to go to sleep.
Well it looks like I wouldn’t be here much longer.

September 15 9:20 AM Shaneese was up when I went to the kitchen to make myself breakfast she didn’t say anything as she walked down the hallway to go to the garage for a smoke. Later I saw both her and Kyle sneaked past the kitchen door and go to their rooms. It will be interesting to see what unfolds when I talk with Frank the owner.

I’ve been around alcoholics, potheads and druggies but now it’s on a personal level as what they are doing is directly affecting me. This addiction is just another form of denial like religion, politics, buying stuff, doing things for others, working, golf, alcohol, hard drugs, prescription drugs and habits are all symptoms of deeper rooted problems. I just realized that my issue with these kids is that I have this belief that they don’t know any better as that is how they been raised. How they were brought up is an issue here and that they do what their parents allowed them to do with no real parental guidance, or having to take responsibility for their actions. In other words there are spoiled kids that control the manipulated their parents and others, as that is what their parents taught them by accepting their form of control and manipulation in allowing them this irresponsible freedom.

I had a chat with Frank, the owner, when he got up he told me he had been working till 3 AM. I realized that that’s why they decided to have a party. Frank said that he was awakened at 4 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep. I told him everything that went on last night and other stuff that has been going on, and he said it’s an acceptable and that he will have a talk with Nancy (his wife) later when she gets home.
Shaneese was out, but Kyle was in his room with the door open listening to what I was saying to Frank, because as I went to the top of the stairs, I saw him close his door.

Says 89 – Signed up for Ballroom dancing

Last week I signed up for ballroom dancing and tonight will be my first lesson. I had signed up as a single and a couple of days ago I got a call stating that they had a partner for me so it’ll be interesting to see how it works out. It’s not International ballroom that I took a few years ago, but American, and it’s just for social dancing.

Well I just got back and it was both interesting and fun. There were six couples taking the beginner class and while the woman teaching is not a professional, I think it will be okay. My partners name is Sharon, an older woman that says she took basic ballroom last year but it doesn’t feel like she really got the hang of it. The instructor came over and asked me if I taken lessons before and I told her I did. She say she noticed, as I definitely had the rumba rhythm.

Says 88 – What’s with the kids now a days?

September 13 Thursday I share the main floor bathroom with two young people, a woman and man both in their early 20’s, and last night I unplugged the toilet for the third time since I’ve been here. Fed up, I decided to post a note on the bathroom mirror stating that if you didn’t use so much toilet paper, the toilet wouldn’t get plugged and also not flush Q-tips down the toilet. It’s not like they are toddlers, as both are old enough to know how to unplug it as the plunger is right behind the toilet. While they are in their 20’s, they act like toddlers, as they just drop and spill things without picking them up and their rooms are what I call a disaster, with clothes and food laying helter-skelter on their furniture and floor.

At around 1:15 AM, Kyle came in and it was his slamming his bedroom door that woke me up. I tried to go back to sleep and just when I was drifting off, he went to the washroom, slamming the door as he was leaving his room, then slamming the bathroom door, entering and leaving, and then slamming his own door again when he went back to his room. I got up and opened my door and called out in a sarcastic tone, “Can you make any more noise you f**king ass hole?” He never said a word. I went to the washroom and then tried to go back to sleep, but it took a while.

This morning I noticed he got up at 11 AM. I saw him as I was going out of the kitchen, but before I could say anything, he rushed by me and went outside to have a cigarette. I didn’t follow him as I felt what’s the use. I really don’t get what it is with some of the 20+ year olds as they seem to be in their own little world and oblivious to other people around them, unless it is for something they want. Maybe I’m just getting old, but I feel that if left to fend for themselves, they would die.

Says 87 – Hate and Compassion

2012 Sept 10 Hate, like love, is energy and when you hate a person, place or thing you are projecting a part of your energy (unlovingness) toward that which you hate. This energy (thought form) goes out and attacks the person, place or thing and tries to form an attachment to it as a means of having power and control over it. If the person that is being attacked is in denial, an attachment is created and when that happens, they are literally feeding the other person their energy, as well as drawing the unloving energy that is being directed at them, into their Body. You know you have an attachment when you feel depressed and angry and you body will feel tired, drained and sore, etc., as well as having this person in your thoughts. If they are of unloving intent and have activated you, and you have gapped and gone into denial, then they thrive on your fear as that is sending them your energy (food) as that keeps them going, keeps them alive.

If you have intent to end this hatred that is being directed at others, you need to become aware of when you are being activated and triggered into this denied rage and hatred and then find the source of this hatred energy and release it. If you have intent to heal and end the hatred that is being directed at you, and your fear of confronting that hatred, you also need to find the source of your fear and release it, and in the process, heal that part of you. But, there is always a but. This is not as simple as it seems as there are also issues of denied terror and heartbreak that also have to be touched and healed for true healing to take place.

Compassion I was doing my exercises this morning and thought of a friend and how I’ve been noticing her moving further and further away, meaning having less and less mental awareness and consciousness. I know there is nothing I can do to save her, as she has free Will and must make the choice to save herself. Even if I tried to pull her out of her downward spiral, she would either fight to resist me, or, if she responded, it would only be as long as I was supporting her and as soon as I let go, she would drift back down again as she has no intent to change the heart to do it.

I then thought of the word compassion and that it’s knowing that you can’t help a person, and that you just have to let them go. That’s different than being in a situation where you know you can help another, like grabbing someone that is preoccupied and about to walk in front of a moving bus. You respond in the moment and then, what they do or don’t do after that moment is their choice. Is example is by no means the only form of compassion and while they are different situations, what is similar in all is that there is no attachment to the person, place or thing.