Vlog SV-101 – The Empath’s Dilemma

My name is John Rieger but I also go by my pen name, Shenreed. I’m an empath, so I know what an empath goes through. Years ago, when my personal and small business world collapsed, I became frustrated with my life and traditional dogma and began my spiritual journey, my search for truth, love, and the meaning of life.

My metaphysical journey is an eclectic blend of science and spirituality. where I’n both the observer and the subject, and when I think I have a solution, I submerge myself in the experience to know if my hypothesis is accurate and valid. After years of trial and error, I discovered that my so-called negative feelings and emotions were not the cause of my problems and issues, or my flaws or weakness, but were my power, and were directly related to my denials of them. The problem with denial was that my problems and issues were being reflected to me. When I ended my denials and replaced self-hatred with self-love, my reality shifted. I was excited to share the tools and insights I experienced and subsequently wrote and published three books, as well as creating my website and blogging.

The intent of these vlogs is to help other empaths understand and heal their emotions and issues and to empower themselves. While we all have different experiences, the so-called “negative emotions” are universal. Some of the issues empaths have are that they believe they have to control their feelings and emotions to make others happy an be accepted. They are also targeted by unloving Narcissists using gaslighting techniques to manipulate and control them

Modern medicines “mental health” approach is of no use to an empath. The approach they use is basically cognitive therapy to maintain a “positive” attitude and failing that, they put you on prescription drugs. With no real help, empaths turn to food, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, work, exercise, pets, hobbies, religion, etc, to help them cope with their reality.

Empaths have gifts and talents and by far, the most important one is the ability to feel the presence of loving and unloving energy. They also have the ability to feel what another person is experiencing and feeling, and often take on these emotions and then feel drained. They also possess psychic abilities like clairvoyance, clairaudience, etc., but fear to share them.

These are just some of the issues and topics I’ll be addressing in my vlogs that I hope will serve as an inspiration and a self-help tutorial to enable Empaths to begin to understand and heal and empower themselves. I plan to host them on YouTube and BiitChute and my websites. For quick reference, they will have a title and an ID number. I also plan on making them from 3-5 minutes in length, as I’d like them to be more of a “food for thought” tutorial where you need to begin to put the pieces of the puzzle together for yourself.

Well, it’s taken me a while, but I finally did it. This is my first Vlog and making the video was, and is, a learning curve, so forgive any amateurishness. The videos are going to be a replacement for the fourth book, “The Empath’s Dilemma” that I was going to write 7 years ago, but never did for multiple reasons. I’ll be creating a Table of Contents on my website shenreed.com  where you can also get more information on these videos.

Says 465 – When FAKE becomes FACT

The emergence of the man-made covid-19 virus is real, in that it exists, but it was NOT as deadly as it was being made out to be to warrant the status of a global pandemic. The FAKE government, medical and media hype blew the virus health issue out of proportion with FAKE virus “modelling” and infection and death numbers that included deaths from other causes. Even if you get the virus, unless you have serious underlying health issues, you have a 99.985% recovery rate with simple home remedies. The so-called mandates to wear a mask, sanitize one hands, social distancing, stay at home and lock-downs were tools to de-humanized, de-sensitized and divide and control society. They weaponized the media to create fear and doubt, to enable them to justify their agenda and get people to comply, willingly or by intimidation, to their own self-destruction.

Initially, virus testing was done with a thermal laser aimed at the forehead to determine if the person had a temperature, and if they did, they were deemed to have Covid-19 and were told to self-isolate for fourteen days. Next came the FAKE nasal swab (PCR test) that reached deep inside a persons nasal cavity near the brain. PCR tests are not meant to test for Covid-19 and at best, have a 2% accuracy with tests that are considered positive. I say the nasal swab is FAKE as the “original“ expert medical hype was that a persons saliva was the prime carrier and cause of the virus spreading; so why not a mouth swab. The government controlled the FAKE medical data broadcast by the media; and most people bought the LIE.

Next came the so-called mRNA “vaccine” that was rushed into production by various pharmaceutical companies with no medical trials. They were granted approval because of the so-called “state of emergency” of the FAKE global pandemic. The “vaccine” doesn’t offer any immunity to the covid-19 virus, that has also suddenly mutated and is being identified by the same PCR test. The mRNA treatment “jab” does not create immunity, it however does alter the DNA of the person that is injected and will have serious repercussions as it also alters the persons immune system. Instead of helping the body fight the virus that a vaccine should do, it alters the body’s immune system to accept the covid virus and not fight it.

Now, after over a year of all this FAKE pandemic hype and people wearing masks, sanitizing, getting tested with a suspicious nasal swab, staying at home and being locked-down, and now being injected with the “mRNA-vaccine”, the FAKE is turning into FACT.  By that I mean that the people that have complied with the fear mongering have not only weakened their immune system, but also added stress to their lungs, heart and other organs. Because of a weakened immune system, the virus is now able to attack the weakened organs in the body and is what you are beginning to see happening now. More people are being admitted to ICU with serious health issues and dying.

What was once a FAKE pandemic, has now become a FACT. The “Agenda” of the NWO is in full effect and a lot of people will now be dying from the Corona virus that originally had a 99.985% survival rate. It’s now real and will only get worse as people begin to succumb to the covid-19 virus as it attacks the body’s weakened immune system and any weakened organs, particularly lungs and heart, as a result of long term wearing a mask, nasal swab testing and the nMRNA treatment. Of course, the puppets of the NWO will blatantly state that the present social restrictions are not enough and that more are needed to “flatten the curve” and reduce the rising death rate. And so it continues, the making of a global totalitarian state.

Says 396 – CoronaVirus and world control

The Virus is a distraction from the main agenda of the N.W.O. which is far deadlier than the virus could ever be. It’s a test to see if the dumbed down sheeple are ready to be totally controlled and to obey their masters. And by the looks of things, they are. I’ve mentioned “the Beast” a few times and the 10 heads or sectors that it controls..

Says 394 – Toxic Muscle Knots.

All I can say is WOW… To make a long story short, I’ve been exploring different “experimental” approaches to healing the injuries I sustained in a car accident five years ago. They are related to myofascial muscles knots, slipped and degenerated disc and vertebrae that have not only caused chronic and acute pain, but also limited my flexibility, range of motion and strength. The professional medical diagnosis was that I had Fibromyalgia of an unknown origin and an unknown cure and suggested pain killer and anti-inflammatory drugs that I’m allergic to.
Recently, after a few months of Massage and Chiropractic adjustments and my own “experimental” approach, I again worked on my knotted muscles. The past few weeks, I’ve noticed that after a serious session of working on my knotted muscles, my urine was discoloured and a dark yellowish brown, BUT, not only that, it had a toxic chemical smell to it AND the smell of an exterior flesh wound that had gone septic.
I checked the internet and my first link was the one I’m posting.. https://www.painscience.com/articles/toxic-trigger-points.php
So now I know I’m on the right track as I’ve been gradually feeling better as I go.. There is more to it, a lot more… but that will be in my next book. 🙂

After a few months of Massage and Chiropractic adjustments and my own “experimental” approach, I again worked on my knotted muscles. The past few weeks, I’ve noticed that after a serious session of working on my knotted muscles,  my urine was discoloured and a dark yellowish brown, BUT, not only that, it had a toxic chemical smell to it AND the smell of an exterior flesh wound that had gone septic.

I checked the internet and my first link was on TOXIC MUSCLE KNOTS 

So now I know I’m on the right track as I’ve been gradually feeling better as I go..  There is more to it, a lot more… but that will be in my next book.  🙂

Says 393 – I’ve been down the rabbit hole and now coming back.

CorruptionI haven’t posted for a while as I’ve been busy trying to restore my health and also in dealing with doctors, insurance companies and lawyers. I’m dealing with new experiences where I don’t know what I don’t know, and I’m like a novice tennis player playing against a trained professional that pretend they are just a beginner like me.

It’s been nearly five years since the car accident and a lot has happened. What I’ve been having to deal with are the corrupt insurance companies, lawyers, doctors, and all the minions (order followers) that are not interested in the facts and truth, but in manipulating the facts to suit their version of the truth. Lying, omitting, avoiding and denying are the “professional” tools they use to win at any cost. There is next to no morality or conscience in their actions and so to me, I don’t know how to compete with those lack of ethics and humanity. I feel trapped as I’m forced to play on their turf, with their rules that they constantly change.

Being on unfamiliar turf was daunting, but I could hold my own when contact was in a written form like an email or snail mail, as I could see and feel what they were saying and had time to respond to any bullshit. Where I had issues was in verbal communication like a telephone call or in one-on-one discussions. When I’d question them on their BS, they would lie and deny or change the subject, so I couldn’t pin them down to deal with the truth of what they said like I could in a written form. I was like a fish out of water in dealing with them as no matter what facts I presented, they deny, lie or avoid answering direct questions. It’s been frustrating to say the least, but it’s now coming to a close and I can get back to having a life, free at least of having to deal with their bullshit. On the positive side, the past five years has been an eye-opener as I’ve gotten to experience how “they” operate and realizing that they aren’t going to change.

Says 352 – Bitten by a dog V-01

I went out today to see about buying some computer items and couldn’t find the house (it was in the country) When I went to ask direction at a house with a car in driveway. I ran the door bell twice and a few seconds after the second ring, I heard dogs barking and then saw them round the corner barking a growling at me. One was a long hair cross breed and the other a German Shepherd. It was the Shepherd that was aggressive and when he went for my bare leg, (wearing shorts) I put my hand down to protect my leg and he bit me. It wasn’t a real bite as he never bit the palm of my hand but he tore a triangle piece of skin on the back of my hand about a inch long. It was probably a combination of his bite, and my hand going down that did the damage

The other dog was just barking and wagging his tail now so I knew he was safe, and as I reached out and petted him, the Shepherd backed off a bit. I slowly made it back to my vehicle all the while, watching the Shepherd.. I managed to get in my vehicle and got a bandage to stop the bleeding.

I drove across the highway, got directions from a woman and found the right house but I didn’t buy what he was selling. When I left the house, and was driving back to the main highway, I noticed a car pull into the house with the dogs. Turns out it was the owners and I told them what happened and showed them my wound. They were apologetic, kind of, at least the husband was. I told them they should not let their dogs run loose if they are aggressive like that. Today it was me, but what if it was a child.

I drove back to Woodstock and went to the emergency and after four hours, the doc came in and said he couldn’t stitch the wound which I figured would take 4-5 stitches, and all he did was clean up the wound, pull the skin back in place and put 5 steri-strips across the wound.. I could have done that.. Dah!

PS: This is my first selfie type video I have ever made.

Says 305 – The “Beast”

The New World Order

I modified this image and added the text a few years ago as part of my attempt to try to put some of the pieces of the puzzle together. Don’t get me wrong in quoting the bible, as I’m not religious by any means, it’s just a couple of verses that stuck with me.

The reason I’m posting this now is that almost three years ago, I had a car accident, where a woman ran a red light and I broadsided her. My SUV was totaled. I didn’t have any broken bones, but suffered hearing loss, TMJ, whiplash, soft tissue damage and lower back injuries.

Anyway, I got a letter from my lawyer, notifying me of a “Discovery” meeting regarding the tort claim. He submitted a couple pages of what to expect at this meeting. The process starts with a swearing in to tell the truth, and that activated my issues with so-called “authority,” figures that have immunity, privilege, and entitlement, and are not governed by the same rules that the rest of us are supposed to follow and OBEY.

It brought up all that is wrong with this world; the denial spirits that run it and all those Order Followers who are “just doing their job” that are part of the system. When I look at all those involved in the system, (the BEAST) it’s no wonder that I feel overwhelmed and that the Earth is in the shape it’s in.

Why this is activating me is because it will be me against the system. By that, I mean that it will be my opportunity to heal a lot of issues including expressing my feelings and emotions, and challenging old imprints, programs and beliefs, that I know they will try to suppress and deny. Speaking my truth and “walking my talk” in the presence of those that will try every trick to manipulate and control me is terrifying. A few years ago I had the unpleasant court experience where I discovered first hand, the power of denial. Now it will be an opportunity to see if I will repeat, or, witness the power of love.

Says 286 – Going on a little Vacation

I’ve decided to take a little road trip out West to see my family and be there for my mother’s 92nd birthday. It’s been five years since I’ve been out West, and in the past two and a half years (since my motor vehicle accident) all the visiting I’ve done is to see my Doctors, Physiotherapists, Chiropractors, massage, and hearing specialists.

I’d like to take my canoe and get in a little paddling in Northern Ontario, but that is still out of the question. Instead, I might do a little hiking and get back into my photography. I’m packing my camping gear and hope to get a few nights sleeping under the stars.

I know I have been lax in posting, and I have to admit, it won’t get any better in the next few weeks while I’m on the road, but I’m taking my laptop with me and will post when I get the chance. Until then…

Says 272 – A reversal of thought on food.

It’s interesting how the universe sets the stage and then slowly begins to shift your conscious awareness to what it wants to show you. A few days ago it was the banana thing and worrying about the food I eat. This morning I woke up thinking of food and how its been contaminated by GMO’s and chemical pesticides We worry if the food we buy will harm our bodies and so we take as many precautions as possible and keep informed of the lasted round of tainted food.

As I was thinking this, I suddenly had a thought that instead of worrying if a food is safe or not why not use INTENT and sound energy to remove anything that doesn’t serve our body’s highest purpose and good. This is not really new as Dr Emoto researched the effect of emotions and sounds on water and so have many other scientists.

Our bodies and the food we eat are made up of mostly water and other chemicals, and – common to all is that they are all energy, but at different frequencies. So there is this LINK between us, our human bodies, and food and water that we presently need to survive, that needs to be explored. Even plants respond to the human energy field that either helps them flourish, or shrivel and die. For that matter, the same holds true for animals. As I’m typing this the word that keeps popping into my head is LOVE… LOVE is LIFE and everything is connected by love, including its absence in varying degrees or what is commonly referred to as “conditional” love.

Says 268 – Allergic to Toxic GMO Food

On Wednesday, May 3, I bought some red grapes from Food Basics, a local grocery store. I didn’t look closely at the packaging except to see that they were from Chile, so I thought them to be OK. Before eating any, I did my usual vinegar/water solution soak, followed by adding baking soda to the soak, and finally rinsing them off. By Wednesday evening I started having stomach issues that carried on yesterday and today. I was thinking that I might have picked up a bug as I also felt a slight headache and nausea and felt tired and this morning I was visiting the bathroom.

Today at noon, I felt like a light snack and went to the fridge and pulled out the package of grapes. I saw the PLU #4499 number and beside it, the name GESEX and thought that was an odd name for a fruit company. I then noticed, in pale red letters, the words… CRIMSOM red seedless grapes… Then it hit me, they were GMO…

I did a quick internet check and sure enough, and to my surprise, Chile has been moving away from traditional grapes to GMO… I try not to buy any fruit or vegetable from the USA, especially California, and usually pick Mexico, or another foreign country, naively thinking that they haven’t been corrupted by the GMO industry… WRONG…

Usually if a food is toxic, I get cankers on the inside of my lips, I mean in seconds. But not this time… Unless it’s something else, but the grapes are the only thing that are new in my diet. It’s a weird physical feeling and sensation that really doesn’t fit any pattern I’m familiar with. As of the time I’m posting this, I’m feeling better, but now I feel bloated. I’m just going to have some of my homemade vegetarian soup for supper and see how things go.

Says 266 – Mind (Spirit) the Unloving Master

Taken from my Journal – April 16 Monday 9:30 am

Your Mind (Spirit) may have a thought or idea, but there is no real desire or emotion to experience it. This is because the Mind instantly brings up old imprints, programs, and beliefs that say that what was suggested is not appropriate for any number of reasons. In the same breath, false Will (Soul) that is aligned with Minds judgments has no desire to experience it, as unresolved negative emotions come up to validate the Minds judgments. Heart goes along with the Minds assessment and so there is no action, no movement of the original thought or idea that was squashed by old imprints, programs and beliefs that are in reversal to the new thought or idea.  The result is that the same old pattern is repeated as one continues on their not-so-merry-go-round; wondering why things happen as they do and hoping that things will change.

So! How does this apply to the Body? Old imprints, programs, and beliefs that the Mind has, have forced the Body (through habits) to become a slave to the Minds judgments. These are deeply ingrained in not only the Mind, but also the Will, Heart and Body. These are mostly social beliefs, that of being told what to do or not to do, what is right and wrong, good or bad, acceptable or not acceptable.  These beliefs and judgments then form the habits for the Body, which has basically been forced to override its own needs and desires and be a slave to the Minds programming.

So then, to break this old programming, I need to first, get my Mind to recognize what it is doing, and then for it to open to hear what it is that the Body wants and needs.  Hummm… What the Body wants and needs in order to heal itself is the prime objective. But, the trick here is to differentiate between what the Body really wants and needs, and what the Mind thinks the Body wants and needs based on its old habits and quick fix, feel good sensations that give the Mind the false notion that what pleases the Mind also pleases the Body. It’s just like when I was getting my Mind to listen and feel what my Will (Soul) Intuition was wanting to express, so too I need to listen to my Body to not only hear, but also feel and allow it to express what it wants and needs to. As long as my Mind (Spirit) thinks it’s right and has the answer to what my Soul, Heart and Body desire and need, it is the unloving master that is unwittingly not only forcing the other parts of our Being to die, by forcing it’s denials on them, but also itself, as there is no separation.  (9:50 am)

Says 265 – Thoughts on an eternal Body

As a follow up to my previous post, while we all have a Spirit, Soul, and Heart that is eternal, we also have a Body with which we experience physical reality that presently isn’t eternal, but dies and then reincarnates.  So when I got the message to, “Seek the Doorway to Eternal Life,” I took that to mean that it includes the physical Body. The Body IS a part of the Spirit, Soul and Heart, and is not meant to be used, abused and cast off when it can no longer bear the denials it has been receiving and is unable to function in the way that Spirit thinks it should. The Body is also meant to have eternal life also, but, the proverbial but…  Who, what, where, when, why and how?

Just as the Spirit, Soul and Heart are energy, so too is the Body, albeit at a lower frequency or vibration that is necessary to obtain and maintain a state of physical matter.  The Body is made up mostly of water, but it also contains a multitude of different chemicals and minerals. But, all this is the physical RESULT, it’s not CAUSAL, as what is causal and creates all this are the unseen forces that are yet to be brought to our conscious awareness in order to have true understanding. If we knew the 5 W’s we would know how to heal and change our DNA and reverse this process of the body being cast off, (death) and the slow process of the Body dying until it finally reaches the point that it can no longer support life for Spirit, Soul and Heart.  (To be continued)

Says 261 – Death comes knocking

Back on March 21, the man who is acting superintendent of the building I live in was taken to the hospital. He was complaining of being dizzy, nauseous, and having low energy.  He was a heavy drinker and smoker, and not in the best of physical condition, so this trip to emergency was not unexpected. They admitted him and after four days, the doctors finally diagnosed him with double pneumonia and started the appropriate treatment.

After a week, he was still in the hospital and they were doing further tests as he was not responding to their treatments. On April 04, his brother knocked on my door, looking for the landlord so that he could get into the apartment to get some things that his brother wanted. He told me that his brother didn’t look good and that the doctors were waiting to transfer him to the nearest BIG city hospital as soon as a bed was available.

Today, I heard that he had been transferred a couple of days ago, and that they had put him into an induced coma. I also head that yesterday, they brought him out of the coma to operate on him and that his heart had stopped two times during the operation. After the operation, they again put him back into a comatose state.  The doctors told his brother to get his things in order as they felt he was not going to make it, with no further comment.

I have mixed feelings with this. Not that he and I were friends as I really didn’t know him, but my issue is with the hospitals and doctors and the way they have handled the whole thing. I just have an uneasy feeling  that while he was sick, he was not on deaths door….

Says 252 – Mind as MASTER… NOT!

This post is in reference to what I am becoming aware of as I’m becoming more physically active. My mind finds it confusing when my Body disagrees with what the Mind thinks it should do physically, but I am learning to trust my Body that it knows what it needs and how it needs any physical activity. Some days my Body wants both exercise and the walk, and other days it’s either or, and some days, like today, it’s neither, a day of rest.

Our physical Body (matter) is really a form of energy, of frequency and vibration that manifests as our dense physical Body with which we experience our reality.  While the body can heal itself, it needs the Mind (Spirit) to help it, to have the intent to help the body heal itself, and to do what it needs to do to fulfill that desire.  Like the Will (Soul) the Body is at the mercy of the Mind (Spirit) which can override any information it receives and controls both these aspects of its Being.  It’s the Mind that sets in motion what the Will and Body can do and express. Yes, there are automatic functions that the Body does without apparent direction from the Mind, but in reality, the Mind is also in control of these on a sub-conscious level.

If the Mind wants the Body to do something against its will, the Body is forced to OBEY the Mind until such point that the Body is unable to physically do what the Mind demands and is either exhausted, injured, sick, or even at the point of dying. The Mind has been programmed, or it has programmed itself to be MASTER of its Will (Soul) and Body and so it finds it confusing and difficult to think, to reason, to fathom and consider that what it believes to be the truth and loving – isn’t. And if it accepts  that it isn’t, then how does it change its programming, imprints and beliefs? It’s not good enough to simply recite some positive affirmations as the Mind needs to have the intent to be aware of when it is overpowering the Body’s information, and then it needs to choose to listen and accept what the Body is telling it what it wants and can do. In other words, it needs to be self aware that it is running on old imprints, programs and beliefs, and then choose to experience a different reality before it can really begin to let the old programming go, and to allow the Body to begin its healing process.

Says 251 – The Walk of Life

I’ve been going to the walk, jog, run track for almost 2 months and I’ve gradually worked my way up to a 6 km walk in just under an hour. It feels good to be able to walk without having to watch where you step, or adjust to different inclines. It’s all smooth going and your only concerns are the turns and the people traffic.  While it feels good to be able to walk at a good pace, I find that I still can’t jog or run as even this cushioned track jolts my head and brain and I have to go back to walking. The reason I would like to run is to get my cardio going, as I haven’t done any cardio since my accident over two years ago.

While doing my walk, I observed the variety of people using it; from people using walkers, cane or another person for support, to healthy and fit runners. There are also all body types, male and female, and all ages including those that are mentally and physically handicapped; all taking “the walk of life.”  It’s part of their “journey” like it is mine. Each has their personal experiences and reasons for being there, and their story to tell.

Says 250 – Bi-polar or Narcissist

It’s interesting as after the recent realizations and looking back on my life, I seriously doubt that my ex-wife was what the medical establishment classified as bi-polar disorder,  whose classic definition is a series of “emotional” ups and downs, as when they get what they want, they’re happy and when they don’t, they’re sad.

I feel that we both suffered from childhood abuse or neglect, but we learned opposite techniques to try to solve our issues. She, being an only child, she was spoiled (imprinted and programmed) to act out so that she could get the superficial quick fix attention she desired to make her happy. My imprint and program was to do what I could to make others happy, as when they were happy, I was happy in that they weren’t attacking and blaming me.  I now feel she is more of a Narcissist or having what they now LABEL as having NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Saying that doesn’t mean that I approve or agree with the so-called medical establishment and their diagnosis and clinical solution for a person suffering with any of their labels.

A person with NDP is narcissistic personality disorder has the following characteristic traits:

  • Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
  • Exaggerating your achievements and talents
  • Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
  • Believing that you are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
  • Requiring constant admiration
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with your expectations
  • Taking advantage of others to get what you want
  • Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
  • Being envious of others and believing others envy you
  • Behaving in an arrogant or haughty manner

Sure, everyone has their days when they feel fine, and others days that are not so good, and still others that are just bad, but that doesn’t mean we are helpless to overcome these experiences, maybe not in the moment, but when we are ready, and that may take years. Many look for a quick fix with drugs (including prescription) alcohol, smoking, sex, exercise, work, partying, food, hobbies, pets, music, reading, TV, shopping, cleaning, etc., etc.  It took me years to finally not only get to the root cause of some of my emotional issues and problems, but also learn how to heal them.

Says 248 – Understanding – “You don’t understand.”

While we were married for 20 years, and divorced now for almost 27 years, I’ve managed to remain on friendly terms with my ex-wife. While I’ve been aware of her blatant lies and denials, I didn’t realize that I had unconsciously programmed myself and made exceptions for her behavior. In doing so, I had also given her power and control over me.  Interestingly enough, these programs were not made after our divorce, but during our marriage. Since we weren’t in each others lives for years, I thought nothing of it, as most of my dealings with her were more of a handyman nature, doing things I knew she couldn’t do around her house or apartment. That was until recently, with her health declining, her calls for help were more personal in nature.

During our marriage, she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression and then later as being bi-polar. Not understanding the causes and naively believing medical doctors, I molded my life around trying to make her happy and to understand what was going on with her different moods. One of her favorite lines was, “You don’t understand.” I didn’t realize it until now, but it’s a phrase to make me doubt what I was seeing, hearing and feeling, and to fall for the story she was giving me.  Her next favorite line was, “You don’t care,” which is an invitation for guilt and shame to attack me.

Recently I was feeling more and more under pressure and I noticed that she was a master at manipulating and twisting facts to get what she wanted. Giving me the, “oh poor me” speech, whether it was about her bi-polar condition, meds, back, shoulder or arm pain, diabetes, weight, money issues, living conditions or whatever she found to bitch about that was not to her liking.  If I asked questions or contradicted her, all I got back was, “You don’t understand, you never understood.” I realized that she was not taking responsibility for her well being and her personal experiences, but expected other to either make them right, to help her in her time of need.

What part of my issues were that allowed me to get sucked into this “game” was that even though she had all these issues, I was still the eternal optimist, full of false hope, looking for the best in people and hoping that they will change.  I was also programmed to deny my true expression in favor of making another happy.  I thought I had dealt with this a few years back during my healing experiences, but this was on a new level.

Says 246 – A quick update

I can’t believe how fast this month is flying by.  Back in December I mentioned that I had joined a walk, jog and run club. I’ve been going to it 4-5 times a week and in a little over a month, I’ve worked my way up to walking 5km (~3miles) and it feels good. It’s nice walking on a smooth padded surface without having to worry where I’m stepping and jarring my body that then affects my brain and headache that was the result of a MVA and a concussion I had a couple of years ago. I guess that will just take time to heal, but being able to walk, and get some exercise without adding to my issues is a bonus.

I took the weekend of the 13th – 15th off from the track, and on Monday, I woke up in the middle of the night with a cold, the first I’ve had in a long time and it really put me under for a three days and I’m just now beginning to feel alive again and getting my energy back. I’m going to drop back to 4km, then, if I feel like it without pushing myself, I’ll try to get back to my 5 km., later this coming week. The exercise I mentioned in my previous post Says 245 is also helping my neck and shoulder issues as I can feel a shift. I’ve found that the first few days after a series of stretching exercises, there is added pain and my mobility is also more limited, but then it slowly shifts to less pain and more mobility. I’m feeling my neck crack in ways it never has. There is still a long way to go, but there is movement and hope.

Says 245 – Finally a exercise/stretch that seems to work

A couple of weeks ago, as I was waking up and feeling my neck and right shoulder achy and sore, I had a realization. Since my car accident back in December of 2014, I’ve been having issues with my neck and right shoulder / arm. Physiotherapy was of no help, in fact it caused more damage. Since then, I’ve searched the internet for exercises and stretches that would help, but none have worked, or if they did, it was only temporary.

What I realized is that they all require you to contract some muscles while trying to stretch others and that doesn’t work as you are working against yourself. Routines like holding a strap tied to a fixed object and then trying to stretch the arm with the same hand and arm doesn’t work as one set of muscles is holding the strap, while the others are stretching. The thing is that they are all muscles are interconnected and go into the shoulder, upper back, and neck that then creates tension and pain and makes matters worse.

What I found was to clasp my hands together, inter locking my fingers, and then grabbing my knees and letting my leg exert pressure to stretch my arm, shoulder and neck. BINGO .!  It works. All the muscles in my arm, shoulder and neck are relaxed and when I begin to push out with my knee, I can feel the stretch in all those parts. I can control the tension with my knee and I can also control the rotation to the sides, using either my right or left knee to do the stretching.

While my arm, shoulder and neck are sorer than before the stretch, I can feel and hear my neck vertebra cracking more than before, while at the same time I feel I have more mobility and can move my head easier with less pain. I feel it’s now stretching the knots and scar tissue that has formed in the muscles and ligaments during the past two years. Yesterday, I saw my chiropractor and told him about my findings, and he noticed an improvement since the last time I saw him before Christmas.

This picture is actually of a guy pulling his leg toward his chest.  It was the only one I could find where he had his fingers interlocked over his knee. So in my case, instead of pulling the knee with my arms, I use my leg to pull my arms, shoulders and neck muscles.

Says 240 – I joined a walk, jog, and run club

240-cowan-parkThings have been kind-of slow the past few days in that I feel I’m in an in-between phase. I had a Chiropractic treatment on Friday, Dec. 09 and the next one won’t be until Dec. 30. I’m phasing out my external help, and focusing on listening to my body and what it wants, although I still find myself falling back into my old routines.

On Friday I also joined a local Walk, Jog and Run Club that is part of a local Soccer Club. It has an upper level that overlooks the indoor soccer pitches that has a three lane track. I signed up for a four month unlimited membership that is open 7 days a week from7:00 am to 11:00 pm. The track is basically a 220 yard oval, I tried it out and did a 1k walk. I decided to do 1Km for three times, and then up by .5km in sets of 3 until I reached 5km. I might decide to add a jog or run, if I find that my head doesn’t hurt, but in the mean time, it’s just as brisk a walk as I feel comfortable doing which I feel is about 4mph (6.5km/hour) It’s nice being able to walk without having to watch where you are stepping, or to worry about traffic. When I went today, walking and focusing on my stride reminded me of my teen years and marching in the Air Cadets or Militia

Says 239 – Spirit (Mind) and False Pride

239-proudDec. 05 – 6:10 pm – I just did a meditation and again it was Heart speaking to Spirit (Mind)  and how Mind and it’s altered ego controls the body to do what it wants out of false pride and vanity, and stubbornness to admit defeat and not be ashamed and ridiculed. I wish I had written this all down right after the meditation as now most of it is gone from my memory.  I know that Spirit also answered  and asked for help in letting of its imprints, programs and beliefs that control it, and in turn, control the Will, Body and Heart.  That it wants to know what it needs to see and feel in order to heal all aspects of self.

Body also spoke, telling Mind where it had pain. That there was pain in the head, neck, shoulder, back, lower back and legs and that Mind was to also look at the aneurysm, prostate and sex drive issues.  My Body was doing some major movement during these dialogues.

I also flashed back to the contest between the light and dark Wizards and how I was stuck in dense matter, in the Amethyst Crystal and that I couldn’t get myself out. At the time, I blamed Form (Body) but I realize it was my expectations and my false pride and denials that dis-empowered me and allowed me to become stuck, and where I lost a good part of my Essence.

239-make-us-proudAs I was typing and editing this for my Blog I realized that I was imprinted and programmed by my mother and father to “Make them proud.” With that program, I had to do everything in my power to not disappoint them, and to make them ashamed of me. That’s heartbreaking and I feel it in this moment.. What a burden to put on a child that is just starting school and doesn’t know how to speak the language, or even have a clue as to what school was about and what was expected of me. Everything negative that happened to me, I tried my best to deny and not show it, as I didn’t want to disappoint them. Self sacrifice and a false pride to maintain an image that I felt was acceptable. Sadly, that program carried on throughout my life affecting not only my feelings and emotions, but my body as well, as it too had to be strong, even when it wasn’t.  And that is what I’m now in the process of uncovering and healing..

Says 238 – Hyundai Santa Fe and Physical Body

238-mind-circuits2016 Dec.03 – Today is the second anniversary since my car accident.  I just realized that for the past year, ever since I had the unexpected heater and electrical issues with my Hyundai Santa Fe, that my MIND has been looking at used vehicles on Kijiji. I just realized that my Mind is doing the same thing to my Body. Both have issues that are triggering the Minds (Spirit) imprints, programs and beliefs, that they are falling apart, dying,  and that it’s time to get rid of them rather than work on fixing the issues. It’s so subtle how things are inter-related, yet the Mind isn’t consciously aware of what it is doing and why.

As I was making my way to the bathroom, I realized that my Mind was thinking of yet another quick fix, of seeing another alternative medicine facilitator that he had heard was good at stretching and manipulating the neck. Again, the Mind is looking for outside help instead of seeing what his CAUSAL role is with the damage to the neck and to allow the Body to heal itself naturally.

Says 235 – Healing the body and expectation

I was chatting with a friend yesterday and she said that I needed to go into a meditation and see and release the blockage, the kink on a nerve in my spinal column that is affecting my neck, shoulders, back and legs. I did a meditation in the afternoon and tried to access my neck and the pinched nerve but I feel I didn’t get there.

235-optic-cableLater that morning I meditated again and I didn’t feel I succeeded as I wanted to see what was wrong and heal it like I did for a woman years ago. That time, I experienced myself as a infinitesimally small speck of light. I saw the cells in her body that were as big as apartment buildings and I could easily move between them like a person would. I saw her spinal cord damaged and some fine strands were emitting bright coloured lights. The strands on the other side of the break had the same colour hue, but were dull and pale. It reminded me of a fiber optic cable. I knew I had to rejoin then, so just using my mind; I matched colours and rejoined then, and then looked for the reason they had been cut and found a bone spur that I simply dissolved. I then scanned her body and found a green blob like growth that I also dissolved. I scanned her body again and found nothing so I returned to my body. With that, I came out of my meditation. Hummmmm? Maybe my issues in healing my body are EXPECTATION.

235-guidesLater that afternoon I had my fourth craniosacral therapy session. This session was different that all the rest. While I had a few body twitches and spasms, they were mild compared to what I have been experiencing. And overall it was quite peaceful.

Before the session, I told my therapist of my friends advice and said that I would like to use this session to try and access and heal my damaged discs and nerves and she agreed. Early in the session I tried to meditate and do the healing as to how my Mind thought it should be done. I then realized that I did have EXPECTATION and so I stated out loud that I release my expectations on how healing should be and to just allow it to be. I took a deep breath and relaxed.

As I relaxed, I felt an energy move into the room and I told my therapist what I was picking up. A moment later I told her it was my guides and that this was all a lesson to see what doesn’t work. To get the Mind to try the things that it believes should work or that others have told the Mind works, and that everything it thinks and believes should work, is not working because it is wrong. I chuckled as I heard my guide say, It’s only taken you two years to figure that out.” I told my therapist that and she laughed too.

Says 233 – Craniosacral Therapy & denials of my Body

233-man-energyI had my 3rd craniosacral therapy on Wednesday Nov 23, and before we started, I briefly told her about my experiences that I shared in Post Says 230.  I also showed her my three books (in print) and briefly described what each was about. I told her I was taking all these sessions seriously and that the results would be in the book following my next one which will be called, “The Empaths Dilemma.”

When she was working on me, I was running more energy than before, but also in a different way, similar, yet different.  Near the end, she had her hands on my head and I felt how I have purposely I denied my body. Keeping it under control so as to not be too good at anything physical, not run too fast, jump too far or high, catch a ball, throw a ball, ride a bike, play a game or sport. I had to limit myself so that others would not be upset and unhappy with me, or not allow me to play.

I flashed to the first day of school. Not being able to speak or understand English, I was in a living hell. I remembered my father telling me that I would be OK, if I listened and did as the other kids did, to learn to be like them. I realized that imprinted and programmed me and set me up to be a victim for most of my life.

I ended the session by formally releasing and giving back all the energy I took in from others and sent it back to whom it belonged to, or that it be moved to its right place. I also took back any energy others took from me or that I gave them, and also gave back any energy that I took from others or that they gave me. I asked that the polarity of all my energy that attacked and controlled my Body and Emotions be reversed, and that it realign with my true Essence.

I was a bit disoriented after the session and made an appointment for another one next week. I look forward to what this will bring up in me in the days to come.

Says 232 – How imprints, programs and beliefs control us.

232-labThis imprinted and programed dog video clip just shows you how powerful your Minds imprints and programs and beliefs are. Things can only be done one way and they can NOT change.. Politics, religion, food, medicine, or whatever you have been programed to believe is the TRUTH…. that is what is RUNNING your mind and body.. And no matter what anyone else says or does… you refuse to believe them and see a new truth….. And the more dumbed down you get, the more you are unable to change..