Says 249 – Denials an attachments ended – game over

I’m not going to go into all the details that played themselves out over the past few months suffice to say that they all came to a head within three days.  What became clear was that she was not as helpless as she pretended to be, and that a lot of her lies, secrets, avoidance, omissions and denials were exposed for what they were.  She was not only playing me, but my son and daughter, her friends and even acquaintances on the internet.  She was acting out the “oh poor me” and using whoever and whatever she could to get attention, even if it was negative, it was still attention. She is a self-centered self-absorbed Narcissist and an energy vampire. Her house of cards is crumbling and her reality is quickly changing. As I now see it, she has two choices;

  • take responsibly for her thoughts and actions and make the positive changes or,
  • Remain the narcissist and nothing changes.

It will be interesting to see what develops in the coming months now that her little game has blown up in her face.

Attachments that are OBVIOUS are easy to spot and release, but it’s the little issues that you don’t see that still form the attachment. In uncovering my attachments and ending my denials, I realized that as we were still on a friendly basis and since she is what is considered bi-polar, and has other illnesses, (judgments and attachments) and so I silently (in denial) put up with her blatant lies and denials, saying that is just the way she is, and instead, focused on trying to help her and find the good in her.

Not challenging her blatant denial, lies, omission and avoidance, as in not wanting to upset her, I was in denial and unconsciously allowed her to use those against me. The sick “twist” in all this is that at times she really needed help, but other times it was just a game and she was acting the “oh poor me” to get whatever power she could by knowing she was controlling the another being. The more I allowed, the more she used them against me in the form of getting me to do things for her that affected my time, energy and money, to the point that this past weekend, I saw exactly what she was doing and what I was allowing her to do, via the unseen role of denial, judgments and attachments. When I called her out on her denials and lies, and stated that I was finished helping her and empowering her “oh poor me” reality, our attachments were broken and I was free, while she was left to deal with her denials in your own way and to take, or not take, responsibility for her well being.

The unseen role of denial that I didn’t see with my ex-wife’s scenario was that in my Spirit (mind) and the Spirit polarity aspect of my Heart, that defines love by words and deeds and not by how it feels, thought that I was being kind, caring, sharing, considerate, compassionate, etc., etc., for those that I judged to be less fortunate.  That “less fortunate” judgment (that I now release) has an unloving aspect to it that of a false sense of pride, in that it silently and smugly deems me to be superior or better than, or in a better position than another. The opposite side of my outer judgments says that if I have judgments of being better than others, I must also have the judgment on self that I’m not as fortunate as good as some other people.

So the realization was that this doesn’t just apply to my ex-wife, but to everyone that I’m in contact with. The subtle judgments, the false pride, the trying to be nice, even to an asshole because he/she is drunk or on drugs or whatever, are all things that I need to release to really empower myself on all levels. How this played out in my outer reality was that my ex-wife was ACTING like she needed help and asking for it, either directly or indirectly. These weren’t an “in the moment” type situations or experiences of helping another that you could see and feel were in need of help, but on an attachment and judgment level based on past experiences and old imprints, programs and beliefs of what the person appeared to be going through and needing help with.

While this may seem like it’s not a big deal, I assure you it is, as guilt and shame are constantly at me, trying to get me to reverse my position, to be responsible and be the “nice” guy again.  Like I said, this isn’t just about my ex-wife, but how I respond to all that I come in contact with. It’s a new way of seeing that just because someone looks like they are the victim and in need of help, doesn’t mean that they are. They just play the “Oh poor me” game from another angle and don’t be fooled, it is effective. Besides the Oh poor me, the other major game players in the energy sucking power game are the intimidator, the interrogator, and the aloft.  Some are quite good at using two or more power plays to get what they want and will flip back and forth at easy. Recognizing them is the first step at ending their control over you. . It’s been a while since I read it, but I think these are outlined in the book, “Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.

Says 248 – Understanding – “You don’t understand.”

While we were married for 20 years, and divorced now for almost 27 years, I’ve managed to remain on friendly terms with my ex-wife. While I’ve been aware of her blatant lies and denials, I didn’t realize that I had unconsciously programmed myself and made exceptions for her behavior. In doing so, I had also given her power and control over me.  Interestingly enough, these programs were not made after our divorce, but during our marriage. Since we weren’t in each others lives for years, I thought nothing of it, as most of my dealings with her were more of a handyman nature, doing things I knew she couldn’t do around her house or apartment. That was until recently, with her health declining, her calls for help were more personal in nature.

During our marriage, she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression and then later as being bi-polar. Not understanding the causes and naively believing medical doctors, I molded my life around trying to make her happy and to understand what was going on with her different moods. One of her favorite lines was, “You don’t understand.” I didn’t realize it until now, but it’s a phrase to make me doubt what I was seeing, hearing and feeling, and to fall for the story she was giving me.  Her next favorite line was, “You don’t care,” which is an invitation for guilt and shame to attack me.

Recently I was feeling more and more under pressure and I noticed that she was a master at manipulating and twisting facts to get what she wanted. Giving me the, “oh poor me” speech, whether it was about her bi-polar condition, meds, back, shoulder or arm pain, diabetes, weight, money issues, living conditions or whatever she found to bitch about that was not to her liking.  If I asked questions or contradicted her, all I got back was, “You don’t understand, you never understood.” I realized that she was not taking responsibility for her well being and her personal experiences, but expected other to either make them right, to help her in her time of need.

What part of my issues were that allowed me to get sucked into this “game” was that even though she had all these issues, I was still the eternal optimist, full of false hope, looking for the best in people and hoping that they will change.  I was also programmed to deny my true expression in favor of making another happy.  I thought I had dealt with this a few years back during my healing experiences, but this was on a new level.

Says 247 – A life based on lies and denials

A life based on lies, omission, avoidance and denial is really very fragile, like a pyramid build of a deck of playing cards.  All it takes is for the bottom foundation on which the rest is balanced to be removed and the whole thing comes tumbling down. When the truth is revealed there is nothing to support the rest, and they too fall.

Until the truth is finally recognized and revealed, not by the person doing the lying and denying, but the one that is the unwitting object of the deceit.  While blatant and obvious denials can be spotted in others, it’s the unseen role that denial plays in the self that is the key issue. To empower yourself, you need to not only see the denial in others, but also your part in it.  In the next few posts, I’ll be sharing a person experience that I had the past weekend.

Says 246 – A quick update

I can’t believe how fast this month is flying by.  Back in December I mentioned that I had joined a walk, jog and run club. I’ve been going to it 4-5 times a week and in a little over a month, I’ve worked my way up to walking 5km (~3miles) and it feels good. It’s nice walking on a smooth padded surface without having to worry where I’m stepping and jarring my body that then affects my brain and headache that was the result of a MVA and a concussion I had a couple of years ago. I guess that will just take time to heal, but being able to walk, and get some exercise without adding to my issues is a bonus.

I took the weekend of the 13th – 15th off from the track, and on Monday, I woke up in the middle of the night with a cold, the first I’ve had in a long time and it really put me under for a three days and I’m just now beginning to feel alive again and getting my energy back. I’m going to drop back to 4km, then, if I feel like it without pushing myself, I’ll try to get back to my 5 km., later this coming week. The exercise I mentioned in my previous post Says 245 is also helping my neck and shoulder issues as I can feel a shift. I’ve found that the first few days after a series of stretching exercises, there is added pain and my mobility is also more limited, but then it slowly shifts to less pain and more mobility. I’m feeling my neck crack in ways it never has. There is still a long way to go, but there is movement and hope.

Says 245 – Finally a exercise/stretch that seems to work

A couple of weeks ago, as I was waking up and feeling my neck and right shoulder achy and sore, I had a realization. Since my car accident back in December of 2014, I’ve been having issues with my neck and right shoulder / arm. Physiotherapy was of no help, in fact it caused more damage. Since then, I’ve searched the internet for exercises and stretches that would help, but none have worked, or if they did, it was only temporary.

What I realized is that they all require you to contract some muscles while trying to stretch others and that doesn’t work as you are working against yourself. Routines like holding a strap tied to a fixed object and then trying to stretch the arm with the same hand and arm doesn’t work as one set of muscles is holding the strap, while the others are stretching. The thing is that they are all muscles are interconnected and go into the shoulder, upper back, and neck that then creates tension and pain and makes matters worse.

What I found was to clasp my hands together, inter locking my fingers, and then grabbing my knees and letting my leg exert pressure to stretch my arm, shoulder and neck. BINGO .!  It works. All the muscles in my arm, shoulder and neck are relaxed and when I begin to push out with my knee, I can feel the stretch in all those parts. I can control the tension with my knee and I can also control the rotation to the sides, using either my right or left knee to do the stretching.

While my arm, shoulder and neck are sorer than before the stretch, I can feel and hear my neck vertebra cracking more than before, while at the same time I feel I have more mobility and can move my head easier with less pain. I feel it’s now stretching the knots and scar tissue that has formed in the muscles and ligaments during the past two years. Yesterday, I saw my chiropractor and told him about my findings, and he noticed an improvement since the last time I saw him before Christmas.

This picture is actually of a guy pulling his leg toward his chest.  It was the only one I could find where he had his fingers interlocked over his knee. So in my case, instead of pulling the knee with my arms, I use my leg to pull my arms, shoulders and neck muscles.

Says 244 – Quickening vs awakening

I feel that people have a misguided sense, or use of the word awakening… or maybe I just look at it a different way. I feel that what people are presently going through is what I call a “quickening,” an acceleration process in recognizing what is not life, or contributing to life. Denials are being exposed and the truth revealed, but that doesn’t mean that people are awaking to end their own denials and begin to live life, and not the illusion as has been the case.

People get caught up in the New Age mumbo jumbo and hype, and talk of awakening and ascension, not unlike a born again Christian that claims to be “saved,” and yet they are oblivious to what truth, love and life are. They are still disconnected from recognizing the Divine aspects of their Physical Being, or how denial of these are being reflected in their experiences and reality. Yes, their consciousness is stirring, but by no means are they wake as they claim to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being fully awakened, but I have done a lot of personal inner work and healing on ending my denials that is being reflected in my outer reality. What I see people going through is what I went through years ago, “Been there done that.” While they are becoming aware of the issues in their OUTER reality, or the blatant lies and denials of others, they are still oblivious as to how to heal their personal inner issues by recognizing and choosing to end their denials. They wear masks to hide the truth and act the role that their altered ego ignorantly believes will make them happy.

Says 241 – Perception is a Commodity

I don’t know what happened, but I’ve lost a few posts. I’m updating the ones I have copies of –  others are just lost.

This video clip reminds me of how government, religion and the media work. What they show is how they would like you to perceive the event….  The last part of the clip shows what is really going on.. If you just believe what you are shown and told, you will never know the truth..

Of course all the followers (sheeple) would cheer and clap and would deny anything that didn’t portray their leader in a favorable “god like” light. Perception is a commodity and can be used to manipulate, persuade and control people that buy into the presented reality.

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