Tag Archives: guilt

Says 429 – You must trust and believe people – NOT

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I know that many people believe this meme to be a truth, but when you really look at it, you begin to see the flaws in that logic and ideal.

Firstly, you must trust and believe in yourself, or all else is meaningless; because if you don’t, then like the meme states, you put your trust in others to save you or whatever you feel it is that you can’t do but they can.

If you have ANY doubts about what the other person’s intent is by what they say or do, or doesn’t say or do, you need to ask direct questions to clear the air. Also, don’t just go by what the person says or does, FEEL if what they are saying and doing feels genuine and loving. If not, state what you feel and ask more direct questions.

By asking direct questions, you’ll uncover their true intent, Quite often they are trying to control or manipulate you in some way through the use of lies, omission, avoidance and denial, and these are often coupled with intimidation, withdrawal, or the use of guilt or shame to get you to believe and trust them and give them your power by way of your denials of self

I have a saying… “if in doubt, give yourself the benefit of the doubt.” They might not like it, but your purpose in life is not to please and make others happy at the expense of yourself.

Says 249 – Denials an attachments ended – game over

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I’m not going to go into all the details that played themselves out over the past few months suffice to say that they all came to a head within three days.  What became clear was that she was not as helpless as she pretended to be, and that a lot of her lies, secrets, avoidance, omissions and denials were exposed for what they were.  She was not only playing me, but my son and daughter, her friends and even acquaintances on the internet.  She was acting out the “oh poor me” and using whoever and whatever she could to get attention, even if it was negative, it was still attention. She is a self-centered self-absorbed Narcissist and an energy vampire. Her house of cards is crumbling and her reality is quickly changing. As I now see it, she has two choices;

  • take responsibly for her thoughts and actions and make the positive changes or,
  • Remain the narcissist and nothing changes.

It will be interesting to see what develops in the coming months now that her little game has blown up in her face.

Attachments that are OBVIOUS are easy to spot and release, but it’s the little issues that you don’t see that still form the attachment. In uncovering my attachments and ending my denials, I realized that as we were still on a friendly basis and since she is what is considered bi-polar, and has other illnesses, (judgments and attachments) and so I silently (in denial) put up with her blatant lies and denials, saying that is just the way she is, and instead, focused on trying to help her and find the good in her.

Not challenging her blatant denial, lies, omission and avoidance, as in not wanting to upset her, I was in denial and unconsciously allowed her to use those against me. The sick “twist” in all this is that at times she really needed help, but other times it was just a game and she was acting the “oh poor me” to get whatever power she could by knowing she was controlling the another being. The more I allowed, the more she used them against me in the form of getting me to do things for her that affected my time, energy and money, to the point that this past weekend, I saw exactly what she was doing and what I was allowing her to do, via the unseen role of denial, judgments and attachments. When I called her out on her denials and lies, and stated that I was finished helping her and empowering her “oh poor me” reality, our attachments were broken and I was free, while she was left to deal with her denials in your own way and to take, or not take, responsibility for her well being.

The unseen role of denial that I didn’t see with my ex-wife’s scenario was that in my Spirit (mind) and the Spirit polarity aspect of my Heart, that defines love by words and deeds and not by how it feels, thought that I was being kind, caring, sharing, considerate, compassionate, etc., etc., for those that I judged to be less fortunate.  That “less fortunate” judgment (that I now release) has an unloving aspect to it that of a false sense of pride, in that it silently and smugly deems me to be superior or better than, or in a better position than another. The opposite side of my outer judgments says that if I have judgments of being better than others, I must also have the judgment on self that I’m not as fortunate as good as some other people.

So the realization was that this doesn’t just apply to my ex-wife, but to everyone that I’m in contact with. The subtle judgments, the false pride, the trying to be nice, even to an asshole because he/she is drunk or on drugs or whatever, are all things that I need to release to really empower myself on all levels. How this played out in my outer reality was that my ex-wife was ACTING like she needed help and asking for it, either directly or indirectly. These weren’t an “in the moment” type situations or experiences of helping another that you could see and feel were in need of help, but on an attachment and judgment level based on past experiences and old imprints, programs and beliefs of what the person appeared to be going through and needing help with.

While this may seem like it’s not a big deal, I assure you it is, as guilt and shame are constantly at me, trying to get me to reverse my position, to be responsible and be the “nice” guy again.  Like I said, this isn’t just about my ex-wife, but how I respond to all that I come in contact with. It’s a new way of seeing that just because someone looks like they are the victim and in need of help, doesn’t mean that they are. They just play the “Oh poor me” game from another angle and don’t be fooled, it is effective. Besides the Oh poor me, the other major game players in the energy sucking power game are the intimidator, the interrogator, and the aloft.  Some are quite good at using two or more power plays to get what they want and will flip back and forth at easy. Recognizing them is the first step at ending their control over you. . It’s been a while since I read it, but I think these are outlined in the book, “Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.

Says 168 – The unseen role of denial in guilt and shame

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When purchasing the Hyundai Santa Fe, the saleswoman asked me for the copy of the company web page I had brought along, showing the Santa Fe. I saw her then show them to the others she had discussions with that were out of earshot. It wasn’t until she placed the file folder she was carrying on her desk that I noticed the price in the top right hand corner that was higher that what she had quoted me and had agreed upon. While I suspected what had happened, she and they never admitted it or approached me, which was denial on their part. In their denial, they also gave me no choice, as the matter was not up for discussion, unless of course, I listened to Guilt and Shame that were now on me, once I had this realization. They were not there before, and that I was a clue for me that there was more to this experience.

guilt-300x299However, Guilt and shame were on me, but I also knew that if I listened to them, I’d be in denial. Guilt and Shame are not of my Essence, and wold have me try to save and make things right for the people and company that was in denial, and denied anything was wrong. Guilt and Shame would have me try to CONTROL them, to make them tell the truth and end their denials.

It’s not my job or responsibility to CONTROL or FORCE people to end their denials as that is their choice… Trying to do so, even if it benefits me, only puts me back into the same old world of denial that I am slowly breaking out of. I never saw the role that Guilt and Shame played in the unseen role of denial, it’s subtle, using guile and cunning, like the Inner Critic, to get you back into being in denial by being, nice, kind, caring, sharing, co-operative, compromising, loving, yadda yadda.

On Dec. 16 I picked up my vehicle and talked to the saleswoman that had sold me it. When I asked if there was an error on the web page pricing, she told me yes, big time.. but that they felt obligated to let me have it at that price including the $1,000.00 discount. I then told her how Guilt and Shame were on me to refuse the deal, or to not take the $1,000.00 discount, or to buy the drivetrain protection package, even though I didn’t think I needed it. She assured me that it was not my fault and that I was just lucky, in the right place at the right time.. I laughed and said, that yes, even the accident was lucky.. or I wouldn’t be here.. She told me to get in and drive away before the owner changes his mind..

Sin will find you outAn imprint, program and belief I have that empowers GUILT and SHAME are my old RELIGIOUS teachings that of being a SINNER.. Holy F**K …. as any presence of GUILT and SHAME would mean that I was dammed in HELL.. That I disobeyed God, and would be punished.. Even if I was innocent.. GUILT and SHAME have set themselves up to be judge, jury and executioner and a FALSE form of LOVE… Ah HA!!… Just flashed to my family being excommunicated by the Catholic Church when I was in Grade 7 because I refused to go to confession at school on Monday…as I had been to confession on Sunday (Mother’s Orders) and I had nothing to confess…Later, I had a lot of guilt and shame on me, that things would have been okay if I had just lied and did what they asked..

Says 40 – Lost hopes, dreams, desires and innocence

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2012 April 9 Lost hopes, dreams and desires are directly related to experiences where you had the opportunity to fulfill those dreams and desires, but you were either denied having the experience, or you denied it yourself. As much as you now hope and long for another opportunity to re-live the experience as you would like to do things differently, it’s also futile, as that moment has passed and things have changed. It’s is impossible to even pretend and deny that the original experience never happened. Even knowing that you have a second chance, doesn’t make it the original experience, as you already have that imprint, program and belief, that it is a lost hope, dream and desire, that was put in place from the original denied experience.

With that realization comes the feelings of heartbreak, as well as anger and rage at yourself for being held back, or for holding yourself back. While these feelings and emotions are quick to surface, what is harder to reach and also the most important is your denied terror, and why you felt your terror was correct at that time, in denying the experience.

What brought this topic up was my remembering a few experiences in my early adolescence. While I was curious about girls and wanted to talk with them and be friends, I was also afraid that I was bad or that others would think that I was bad. The reason behind those thoughts was due in part to my religious upbringing and my mother, and secondly was the result of being bullied and not wanting to say or do anything that would give others a reason to attack me. This was my terror that I denied, and as such, I denied any experiences where I had the desire to do so.
Now, decades later, I wonder what would have happened if? If I had done that, if I had said that, and hundreds of other if’s. Guilt and shame were also involved in keeping me from the experiences I was curious about and desired. This is also associated with lost innocence, innocence that I denied, and now, lost youth, as I’m now decades older, and I can’t relive my youth….or at least, that is my present belief.

It’s interesting that I added that as an afterthought as that thought came from nowhere. So maybe there is a way to heal all this and to reclaim lost innocence and fulfill my lost hopes, dreams and desires.

As I’m writing this, I’m feeling over whelmed at all that I have lost. I have very few memories of my childhood, adolescence, teen and even adult life. Not like some people I know that can remember minute details and even the exact date. What I do remember mostly are things associated with lost hopes, dreams and desires. I’m realizing that I was either living in the past, heartbroken and angry over what I had experienced, or I was in terror of what was awaiting me in the future. As such, I had very little of my conscious presence fully in the present moment.