Category Archives: Personal

Says 121 – Warning – Toxic Tangerines

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Ttangerines

Tangerine oranges are in stores for the Xmas season. I usually don’t pay too much attention to them but after my first tangerine that kind of tasted different, I got the bag and read the label that stated that the oranges had been treated with the following chemicals..

 

 

Thiabendazole

and/or

othor-phrnylphenol

and/or

Imazalil

The oranges were also coated in food grade shellac or resin to maintain freshness.

I checked the internet and was shocked to find that all three chemicals were extremely toxic.. I mean EXTREMELY…

After reading the toxic side effects I threw the bag in the garbage…
Be aware of what you buy…. other growers could also be using these chemicals.

These oranges I bought came from a huge grower in Flordia…

Premier Tangerines
Premier Citrus Packers
Vero Beach Flordia

Product Bar code 33383 10316

Says 119 – Dumbed down Society – Frat boy mentality

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December 3 Monday, On Saturday night Paul was in his room smoking weed and playing loud music until just past 11:00 pm. On Sunday morning, he and his girlfriend went out for breakfast and when they returned they smoked up again. I was getting a headache and decided to get out of the house for a while. I went downstairs to put on my shoes and his girlfriend was vacuuming the carpet by the front door. As I put my shoes on, I sarcastically said to her that Paul must really have a sore hand today with all the pot that he’s been smoking. She looked puzzled at first but then got to gist of my words as he had told me he only smokes because his right hand hurts and has arthritis. After supper, they smoked another doobie. It’s like now that I’m moving out, he doesn’t care what he does . I’ve also noticed that when I’m around him and he knows he’s did something, like smoking weed in the house, he whistles or hums which is also a sign of being activated and in denial.

Today, a roommate that was returning from work brought in a hand-delivered letter that had been stuck in the front door, and put it on the kitchen counter. I glanced at it and saw that it was from the local hydroelectric company and had the word URGENT stamped on it in big red letters. It was addressed to the owner and in the lower right hand corner of the address box, I could clearly see the words arrears and disconnect in bold red letters. For him to get such a letter, he has to be a good 2 to 3 months behind in payment. A couple of weeks ago, it was the Internet that was cut off, and now this. That makes me wonder what else is he behind in paying, his mortgage?

It’s interesting that all this is happening as I’m observing that he has a self-centered frat boy mentality and only pretends to be interested in other people if it serves his purpose. While he has a construction type job where he says he is making $25.00/hour, he is just in it for whatever money he can make to help keep him in his life style. I assume that it’s not enough because he also has three room-mates that help pay the bills. What he really likes is just to have fun with his buds, get high, have some drinks, get laid, play sports, add bling to his car, and pretend he has all the money in the world. His girlfriend, that I’ve talked to and call Cinderella, is his lover and mother figure as she picks up after him and cleans the house, while he busies himself looking over his stuff. Besides smoking, he is also brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink again as well as dirty dishes in the sink and on the counter. l know he isn’t stupid, and that what he is doing or not doing is what he has learned and has gotten away with as being acceptable behavior and all this self-centeredness is compounded by the use of pot, hard liquor and beer that clouds his thinking, reasoning and problem solving abilities.

Says118 – Avoidance and the unseen role of Denial

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I saw a program on TV about a dog whisperer and during his interview, he used the word avoidance along with three other words, fight, flight and surrender that I often use to describe what happens when people get activated into their issues. While those three words describes their actions once they have been activated, it doesn’t describe how they are re-acting when they are not activated and that is where the word AVOIDANCE comes in. When he mentioned avoidance, it really struck a chord in me as it was another piece of the puzzle that I needed to see in a different light. With avoidance, there is also the use of lies, omission as well as outright denial. While I knew that avoidance was a form of denial, I’ve never really associated it with a three other reactions that people have when they are being activated or triggered. When he used the word avoidance, it became blatantly obvious that avoidance is the main method used to avoid having to face what you are denying and not wanting to face, because if you did, you would get activated you then react with the other three choices.

The avoidance I’m talking about isn’t running when you have been activated, but what you are doing and saying to avoid any situation that you know will activate you. Like when you have a fear of heights, water, knives, guns, fire, crowds, conflict, saying no, getting attention, public speaking, etc, and you avoid any experiences that will trigger that issue. There are countless ways and means to avoid things, from moving around or away from something or someone , procrastinating, deflecting, invalidating, keeping busy, using drugs, alcohol, work, sex, exercise, hobbies, crafts, TV, eating, and the list goes on and on. This avoidance also includes all the different forms of lies, omission and denial that a person can use to avoid an unpleasant situation and be activated. I never really felt how avoidance was linked to the unseen role of denial, but it hit home as I saw how I have been procrastinating and avoiding finishing my books.

Says 117 – Moving to a Bachelor Apartment

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November 23 Friday, I got a phone call at 8:30 AM and was asked if I was still interested in the bachelor apartment that I had looked at on November 13. I said I was, but that I would like to have another look at it. He agreed and I went to see it at 9 AM. This time it was a mess typical for a young guy and there was also the smell of cigarette smoke. The smell of smoke began to clear after the window was open for a while and the fan turned on. I decided to take the apartment and gave the man first and last months rent in cash. I decided to wait until next week before telling Paul I was leaving at the end of December.

November 26 Monday. I heard Paul downstairs in the kitchen so I decided to go down and tell him that I would be leaving. He was surprised and disappointed, and said that it was a bad time as people were not looking to move around Christmas. He asked if I could give him two months notice and I said that I couldn’t as that would mean I would have to pay for January in two places. I told him that I had to take it for January 1 or lose it, and that I’ve been looking for my own place for a while and that the price was right. I told him that it was a difficult decision and that if it wasn’t a bachelor apartment, that I wouldn’t have taken it and wouldn’t be leaving. With that, there was nothing he could say or do. He left the kitchen and made his way upstairs.

UPDATE: Nov 28, I clicked on Kijiji to see if Paul has posted an ad yet and saw he hadn’t. What I did see was a guy looking for a room that worked at the same place as another room-mate. I emailed Paul and gave him the particulars and the link. He thanked me for the info, but said that his girlfriend was moving in, and that he was not going to rent it as she has children that I assume, will take my room.

Says 116 – The Word

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November 16, Friday. There are more phrases and words that are coming to my awareness, this time it’s the word “Word” itself. I remember a phrase in the Bible, (New Testament) that spoke of the word. I looked it up and it was – John 1: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

While I believe that the “word” is a key element of creation and creating what we desire, it’s not in the way that we think. I feel that the word is a combination of thought and feeling, and when spoken, given physical vibration, it manifests our desires. That doesn’t mean that all we need to do is to speak and express what we desire in order to create it, but that it also has to be felt, and that both the thought and the feeling have to be without any denial present, that includes expectation and that is where intent comes into play.
Spirit (our thoughts) is light and electric in frequency/vibration, while the Soul, our feelings and emotions are magnetic. This electromagnetic energy can be raised or lowered in frequency or vibration and has infinite possibilities. Our Body and physical reality that is of a lower vibration, is manifested from this electromagnetic energy. In our physical reality, this energy is stepped down in frequency to create dense physical matter like light, sound and even lower to create gases, water, animals, plants and stone.

While we commonly define frequency as cycles per second, like in the chart, it can be increased to range from (X) cycles / trillionth of a second and higher to infinity. On the other end of the frequency scale, it can be decreased to range to cycles per minute, hour, day, week, year, century, millennium, and beyond and also to infinity. Now how all this relates to the “Word” and Vibration and energy is still a mystery to me, but I feel that all this wouldn’t be coming to my awareness if there wasn’t a good reason for it.

Says 111 – The same issues are resurfacing

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2012 Nov. 05 Monday Last night I went downstairs to make supper and I smelt hash/marijuana. I decided to make a quick supper of coleslaw and raw veggies and a dip and took it upstairs to my room to eat it there. I kept my door closed so that it didn’t get any worse but I had a headache for several hours. When I was downstairs, I also noticed that the dirty dishes from last night were still in the sink and on the counter. Not only that, but the toothbrushes and toothpaste are back on the window sill and behind the kitchen sink. As I was eating my supper, I decided to take my old toothbrush and put it on the kitchen window sill along with the others. I have no intention of using it but I hope it will make him think.

This reminds me of my roommates when I was going to DeVry Tech http://bachelors-degrees.devry.ca/ and when I was working before I got married. At that time, all that my roommates seemed to think and care about was getting drunk, drugs, sex, cars and partying. It’s like nothing else in the world mattered except feeling good and doing what gave them physical pleasure and made them happy, even if it was short lived, they just repeated the cycle. They also liked to present the illusion that they were capable of more thought and physical action, but that’s just how twisted their reality was and how they saw themselves as being something they are not. It’s like their mind is in a fog and they can’t seem to see through it, or rise above it by stopping the substance and physical habits that are creating the fog. The only things they can see are what is in front of their nose, and even then, they only see what they want to see.

Hummmmm. As this issue is reoccurring, it means that this is not the real issue. So what is it that I am not seeing? Humm? That I’m different, that I don’t feel like running with the crowd and doing the things that they are doing. Is that why I never had any real male friends and never had that so called, “male bonding experience?” I believe that female bonding is similar to male bonding, where girls and women need to do similar things that men do, just in a feminine way. It’s like a herd and pack mentality where one just follows and mimics the actions of the leader of the pack. Is this like the dance issue, where I was afraid to be me and that I had to be like the others. YES! I think/feel that is it. It’s just another version of the same program.

Says 110 – Feeding on energy and the money illusion

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2012 Nov 04 Sunday. People feed on our energy, just as we are feeding on others. They feed on our energy by what we do, work, play, shop (consumed products) and of course money. It’s in the exchange of money that most of our energy is either given or taken. Everything is energy and we exchange our physical and mental energy to get a piece of paper (money) that we then use to get energy (things) from others.

 In all this there is always the middleman, the moneylenders, that feed on the interest they charge for the use of money that they fabricate without really putting anything of their energy into it.  The problem with this system is in the governments, corporations, banks and other financial institutions especially the Federal Reserve and the Bank of Canada that charge interest on the money they fabricate. The personal energy it takes to print a $1 or $1,000 bill is the same, yet the interest charged is 1000 fold and doesn’t represent any real work or energy by the people authorizing the printing of it. This interest charged is energy that one needs to provide that is above and beyond what they originally expended. The people receiving this interest payment of energy do so without lifting a finger as it comes from the blood, sweat, and tears of those that are slaves to the system.

Even more of a problem is that people borrow money to buy things that they can’t afford and so they are locked into working to pay the interest on the money they borrowed.  They have to work at what they don’t like so that they can have what they desire. They give up years of their lives just to pay interest on the debt they owe so, that the moneylenders can have the life they desire without having to work and do what they don’t want.

The irony is that while we desire to have the ”good life” like the moneylenders and the fat cats in big corporations and government positions, little  do we know that by our buying into the mindset they have given us, that we are the ones that have put them in that position, while we have to struggle.

Says 109 – Insight in Dance lessons.

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2012 Nov 02 I was thinking of my first day at school and how my dad told me that I would be okay if I just listened and watched and learned to be like the other kids. I couldn’t understand or speak a word of English, as all I knew was German, so I had no idea what was being said or being asked of me. It was to say the least, traumatic. So I took my dad’s words to heart and all my life, I constantly compared myself to others and if I didn’t have, or couldn’t do what they could do, I berate myself that I was not good enough, stupid, a loser, or whatever. I even went so far as to judge my parents and family as I also compared them to other families. Why not? I was part of this family that was not like the others as we lacked this and that, and my program said that this was a reflection on me. As a result, I was never happy and always trying to live up to unobtainable expectations, trying to be like others instead of being me.

The flip-side of this is that when I was being me that brought me joy and happiness, it made others unhappy, envious and hate me. So now my program said, don’t be you as it makes others unhappy, be like the others. Don’t show off your talents and strengths that others don’t have. To facilitate this hideous self-hatred program, I’d deny and sabotage my gifts and talents, and downplay my strengths so that I would be like the others and they would like and accept me. But of course, having already shown my true colors, they were always watching and reminding me not to be me. What a sick and twisted game I played on, and with myself, all the result of this one program that was instilled and imprinted in my young, innocent mind, when it was filled with fear, doubt and confusion on that first day of school.

I feel that these dance lessons are yet another step in my de-programming myself, not totally, but getting to some core root issues. While I still tried to be like the others in that, I was part of a group that was taking dance lessons; I was not trying to be like the others. What I learned was what the teacher was teaching the whole group and how I applied, what I learned was up to me. Others did what they did, and I did what I thought was right and what felt good, and if I was confused and the steps didn’t feel right then I’d get help from the teacher. My dance class last night was fun. Sure I and my partner made mistakes but we also learned and corrected them and there were moments when we were in our own little world, oblivious as to what others were or were not doing. I was being me and enjoying myself and not trying to be like the others, or comparing myself to them.

Says 108 – Dancing coming to an end

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While I was waiting for our Oct 30, Tuesday, night dance class to begin, Linda, (my teacher) came over and gave me an envelope containing a birthday card, signed by the people that worked at the studio. It was very touching. It was difficult telling her that I would not be coming back as a part of me really was enjoying it. I also talked to my dance partner, Mila, and told her I was not going to come back and she said that she too wasn’t coming back as she was moving at the end of November, and was going to be too busy.

On Thursday, Nov 01 , I went to my level 1 class and really had fun as I felt that things were finally coming together. I guess the Tuesday night classes are like a practice for me as they are level 2. There’s a part of me that really wants to carry on, but I also know that it won’t work out. Sharon, my level 1 partner said she was going to carry on, but in a different class.

Later that evening I checked into facebook and saw a image with a simple phrase by Dr Suess that resonated with me. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” I felt it was important as it related to the dance lessons, but I still wasn’t sure just how.

Says 107 – Going to quit taking ballroom dance lessons

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2012 Oct 31 While I’ve had fun and enjoyed the ballroom dance lessons, I’ve decided that I’m going to quit and not sign up for the next level. The main reason being that in order to feel comfortable and to advance, (add more tools – steps and techniques) I need to practice with a partner. While I can practice my own steps, (right or wrong) at home, it’s a whole different situation when I go to class and am dancing with, and leading a partner that has also not practiced with a partner. If I was practicing with my dance partner, we could help each other and then polish up our moves in class as well as learn the new steps, but that is not the case. While I took international ballroom dance lessons before, (1990 and again briefly in 2006) these classes are American social, so while it is similar, it is also different.

I signed up when I was living in Brantford and have since moved to Woodstock, which is a 35-minute drive in good weather. Even if I had a partner in Brantford to practice with, driving back and forth a couple of times a week and then attending the Tuesday night class is a lot, especially with winter coming on. My last lesson in level one will be on Thursday November 1 and the last class for level 2 will be on Tuesday, November 6.

Says 106 – Things working out

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2012 Oct 29 Well it looks like I’ll being here for a while as things have definitely changed for the better. Paul has quit smoking weed/hash in the house and I’m getting along fine with the other two guys that are living here. We don’t have too much interactions as they all work, albeit not the normal 8-5 hours. I have adjusted my schedule so that I now have breakfast about ¾ of an hour later than the 8;00 am I was used to. I also have supper about ¾ an hour earlier than usual, that way I’m not in the way of the others when they come home, or leave to go to work.

The winter parking issue has also been resolved as Paul’s neighbors’ are snowbirds and have left for Florida for the winter and have told Paul that we can use their driveway, which holds two vehicles. The city of Woodstock has a winter street parking resection in effect from December to the end of March where there is no overnight parking allowed on any street because of snow removal.

Says 104 – Another sleepless night and confrontation

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2012 Oct 08 2:30 am Well I’ve been awake for a good hour and a half coughing and hacking away from the smell of weed/hash. I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and when I opened my door, the unmistakable smell of weed and another smell that could be hash, filled my lungs and I began to cough and hack. When I was in the bathroom, I opened the window and was able to breathe some fresh air. Even though I held my breath when I went back to my room, the damage had been done as I continued to cough, as my lungs were trying to expel the poison they had taken in. This shit tonight is not only affecting my lungs, but is also giving ne a headache and I feel disoriented. I’m letting Paul know tomorrow that I’ll be looking for another place.

9:45 am. I met Paul in the hallway, and told him that I don’t see him giving up his addiction to pot and whatever, so I’ll be looking for a new place and will be moving out by the end of the month. I told him how it was affecting me and even as I talked to him in the hallway, I could feel my breathing getting shorter and my voice raspy, as could he. He said that I was a good tenant and that he didn’t know it affected me in the way that he could now see. He said that he didn’t want me to go and that he would stop using it if it bothered me, and that he would do it outside or away from home. I said, OK, we’ll see.

We talked for a few minutes and I told him that I was also allergic to some men’s cologne and after-shave, women’s perfume, hand sanitizers, air fresheners and cleaning products, etc. and told him what they physically did to me. Well it looks like I might be living here for a while.

Says 103 – Sleepless night – Overcome with the smell of weed

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2012 Oct 06 Saturday. 2012 Oct 06 Saturday. Last night Paul and his girlfriend were in his room, smoking pot and having sex. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth around 11:15 pm and no sooner had I opened my bedroom door when I was greeted with the smell of weed. I instantly went into a coughing fit but managed to brush my teeth. As I went back to my room and noticed that I hadn’t closed my door when I went to the bathroom. Needless to say my room was now filled with the smell of marijuana and I was coughing and hacking until the wee hours of the morning and didn’t get much sleep. I didn’t get a chance to talk to Paul, as he and his girlfriend were either in his room, or they had gone out.

Man! How can I get away from all this shit? Besides Paul smoking, everyone here drinks, not that I’ve seen them drunk, but they do drink when they come home from work, and even have a beer for breakfast. What is this trying to show me?

Says 102 – More issues coming up.

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2012 Oct 04 I had previously noticed a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste on the kitchen window above the sink, and this morning as I was eating breakfast at the kitchen counter, Paul was brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink. I made the comment that living here was like living in a cabin in the bush, one bowl for everything. After a brief discussion, he said that he doesn’t like brushing his teeth in the bathroom sinks as he doesn’t like to clean up afterwards. I commented, so, you rather make a mess in the kitchen sink where we prepare our food and wash our dishes. He thought for a moment and said that he would not do it anymore if it upset me, which I said it did.

Paul has a large orange translucent sink in the bathroom upstairs, but that’s it. There is no cabinetry hiding the rough plumbing job and the sink is actually 3-4 inches too high for it to be comfortable unless you are over six feet tall and he is my height. The sink is about 4 feet wide, and 3.5 feet of that is the actual basin of the sink so there is very little counter space. There is a matching mirror on the wall, but that is all there is, there is no bathroom cabinet so everything just has to lay on the limited flat surface of the sink, or on the toilet tank. The bathroom on the main level has a clear glass sink and again there are no cabinets to store anything. It’s all for presentation and not functional. I said, it looks nice but they are basically useless.

While I was at it, I went over to the cutlery drawer and pulled out a disgusting can-opener and showed it to him. I asked him why it was in the drawer along with clean utensils. It was disgusting as it was rusty and caked with old and rotten food. He said that he didn’t use it, that he used the new one. I said that’s great, but why keep it in the drawer with the new one and the other kitchen utensils when it should be in the garbage. He took it and threw it in the garbage can under the sink. With that, I said that was my bitching for the day. He laughed it off as he went out the door to go to work. PS: The picture of the can opener is the actual one…

I also realized that the actions of Paul and his friend last night remind me of high school and my trying to hang out with assholes like them that just want to get drunk and fucked. I had issues with them back then and it’s back in my face again. Hummmm?

Says 101 – Ballroom dancing level 2, another class

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2012 Oct 03 Tonight I received a phone call from the Ballroom dance studio, asking me if I would be interested in taking the level 2 lessons on Tuesday, as they have a lady that was interested, but didn’t have a partner. She said that they are only asking me as they feel that I would have no problems with level 2, based on what they have seen me do in level 1. I told her that I would think about it and that I would talk to her tomorrow when I came in for my level 1 class.

2012 Oct 04 When I went in for my Thursday night class, I told the receptionist that I was interested in taking the level 2 classes. She said she would call the woman that was to be my partner and tell her.

Says 100 – Getting settled in with my new digs.

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2012 Oct 02 I was looking out my window of my new place, surveying the neighborhood and property when I noticed some “plants” growing between the shed and the backyard fence. I took my camera and used my telephoto zoom to have a closer look and sure enough, there were at least 20 + marijuana plants. So the obvious observation is that if he is growing it, he must also be smoking it. When I was originally looking at the place, he told me that a former OPP officer lived beside him. I wondered what arrangement he had with him that would allow him to grow weed in his backyard. The other thing is that the house is right next to a public school yard. Sure there is a fence, a small buss and a row of cedar trees blocking the view of the plants, but it wouldn’t take much for some curious student to look over the fence and into the yard, especially when the plants are higher than the fence.

20102 Oct 03, Paul, the owner, has a Rottweiler dog that is maybe a year or so old. He keeps the dog locked up in a cage in his room from the time when he leaves to go to work until he gets home at night. Tonight I heard the dog whining as he didn’t get home until around 9:00 pm. I was talking with Harry, the older tenant about the dog and that while I felt sorry for it, I didn’t want to become the dog sitter. Letting the dog out in the back yard, getting it back in and making sure that it wasn’t “chewing” things it shouldn’t and then putting it back it its cage is not a chore that I’m interested in.

This situation reminds me of when I was staying at my ex-wife’s place when she got the standard poodle pup and then had me look after it, taking it for a walk and such. Having a pet, especially a dog is like having a child, as they need not only care but also attention and to lock them in a cage is inhumane. Why have a dog if you can’t look after it in the way it needs to be looked after.

That evening my door was partly open and I could hear Paul talking with Harry across the hallway, and then Paul went into the bathroom to have a shower. A few minutes later a young man that I had never seen before (that had been drinking) popped his head into my room and with nodding head and a drunken grin, slurred, “What’s up?” I was working on my computer at the time and as I looked up at him, I said with a voice of disgust, “What’s up with you and who in the hell are you?” He backed off and I could then hear him talking to Harry and then a moment later, Paul joined the conversation. I could now hear this drunk boasting that they were going to a strip club to see some naked women and that us “older” guys should go as we might get lucky. The last part was either said louder, or the drunk guy had turned his head and directed his comment at me. I didn’t respond as I wasn’t sure if it was meant for me or Harry as I heard Harry talking to him but I couldn’t make out what was being said. Anyway, A few minutes the two of them left.

Paul has a girlfriend that has a four-year-old daughter that I’ve met, so why he feels he needs to go out to see strippers with this drunkard friend is beyond me. Man, what is it with these drunks and potheads and their womanizing.

Says 99 – Moving out

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2012 Sept 26 I had emailed and received a reply to another room I was looking at in Woodstock. I went over to see it at 6:30 pm. There are two guys and the owner living there. The owner is a young guy in his 30’s as is one of the tenants. The other tenant is an older man. The kitchen is large with plenty of cupboard space and there is a spare fridge out in the garage if needed. I decided to take the place and paid the rent for October.

2012 Sept 27 This morning I spoke with Frank before he left for work and I told him that I would be moving out by noon on Sunday, Sept 30. We had a brief chat and I felt he honestly wanted tings to work out as he also doesn’t drink or smoke, but that he is caught between a rock and a hard place as he not only has to deal with the young ones, but also his wife that drinks, smokes and likes to party. He also has an issue with confrontation that he denied at first, but then realized he was lying to himself. He said he’d give me his card before I left and that maybe we could get together for a coffee sometime.

Sept 28 Kyle came home after a couple of days of being away and saw me packing up some of my stuff. He commented that it was too bad that things didn’t work out because I was older and didn’t fit in to the partying. He then mentioned that a young guy was moving in, so there would be no problems with partying as the owners like to party. I said that only one of the owners likes to party. His response was that one does, and that is all we need. Frank will have his work cut out for him.

Sept 30. I went out for breakfast and when I came back, I found Franks Business card under my door. I began packing up the rest of my stuff and loading my Honda and left just before 1:00 pm. I drove to my new home and was basically unpacked and moved in by 3:00 pm.

Says 97 – The walking dead

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2012 Sept 25, I drove into Woodstock to look at a room that I saw listed on Kijiji. It turns out that the man is dying of cancer and has only a few months left to live. It started out in his colon, then moved to his liver and is now in his lymph glands, that can’t be operated on. He said that he maybe has four months, and that he hopes to see this Christmas, but that he doubts he will see another one. He said that besides having his colon removed, he had 5/8 of his liver removed, as well as a node that they later found on it. He now has a hernia protruding out of his abdomen where his liver used to be. He looks fine and healthy while he is sitting down. He seems quite calm, cool and collected in talking about his illness and imminent death, but that is NOT what is really going on. He’s a walking dead man. How does one deal with that? Again, I’m witnessing what is going on behind the scenes.

While we were talking, his wife took a phone call and went outside on the patio to talk. I asked him why he wants to rent out a room, something that they have never done before, if he has all this going on as it will just add stress to your relationship with your wife that is working and also looking after you. He didn’t reply to my questions, but said that another person, a nurse, was coming over later this afternoon to have a look at the room and that if she didn’t want it, that I could have it. I said that a nurse staying here would be of help to him and his wife as she could provide some assistance if needed. With that, I said my goodbyes and left.

2012 Sept 26, I received an email stating that the room had been taken.

Says 95 – Seeing what is unseen

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2012 Sept 22 It appears that what I’m presently going through with all my recent moves and issues, is seeing and feeling what is going on behind the scenes. Seeing the world (reality) as it really is, even with all the pretending that is going on that is trying to present the illusion of something nice and loving. It reminds me of the movie of “Alice in Wonderland” and the Wizard of OZ.

Says 94 – Having a second look at potential new room

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I got an reply email form the woman who had the room for rent stating that she had more questions for me before she decided to rent me the room. I replied that I too had some questions. She wanted me to come over in the morning as she had another person coming to have a look at it in the afternoon. I emailed her saying that the afternoon was more convenient for me but if the other person was ok with her, that she should rent them the room, as each of us still had unanswered questions that didn’t make the deal a certainty. I set up an appointment to see her at 4:00 pm and stated that she was to email me if she rented the room . I never received an email, so I went to see her and asked her what happened with the person that wanted to rent it and she said that she told them it was rented. I asked her why she would say that if we still have questions and we might change our minds about sharing this space. She never replied, but changed the subject.

We chatted for a good half hour and as we went along, I decided that it was not the right place for me for a number of reasons that were not evident on my original visit. She was renting a three bedroom, two-story home with a basement and was asking $500.00/month to help pay the rent, which was 25% higher than most places. She also mentioned that she was going in for a hip replacement in January and was not going to be too mobile for a while, and I felt her hinting things she would like me to do to help her. I asked her why she just didn’t move and get a smaller place, one that she could afford, and a one level apartment that would be easier for her to move around in. She became adamant that she had put too much money into this place to leave it. She was a penny pincher when it came to using hydro, yet didn’t see how she was wasting electrical energy. She had a small kitchen and what she offered me for my food was one shelf in a small cupboard. She was also paranoid about germs and near the end of our conversation she went to the kitchen and used some hand sanitizer which sent me into a coughing fit where I could hardly breathe and I had to go outside for some fresh air. She said that she would buy a different one if that one bothered me, but that really didn’t interest me. In many ways, she reminded me of my ex-wife. Needless to say she was angry when I said I would not take the room, and later she even emailed me telling me how bad I was for leading her on.

Says 93 – Another sleepless night and clearing the air

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2012 Sept 19 Kyle was up until 2:00 am last night, or that’s the last time I looked at my clock to see what time it was. At one point, I tried to drown out the sound of his TV and vocals by playing my CD player, but it didn’t do much good.

I woke up at 8:00 am tired and pissed off. I started banging doors, dropping my weights on the floor and opening and slamming my dresser drawers so as to wake up the asshole. At around 10:45 am I thought that maybe he had gone out last night, that he wasn’t in his room, and that all my banging was for nothing. At 11:30 I saw him go to the bathroom and when he returned to his room, I stopped him and we had a little chat. During our conversation it turns out that the reason he slams his door is because it won’t close otherwise. I looked at it and found the screws for the top hinge were loose. I got a screwdriver and tried to tighten them, but they were just turning as if stripped. I told him to report it to the owners and have them fix it. I then showed him that if he lifted the door handle as he was closing the door, that it wouldn’t jam at the top and need to be slammed to close.

I asked him why he didn’t say that when I first commented on his door slamming and he said that he had other things on his mind. It was a good chat and cleared the air somewhat. I told him I was leaving at the end of the month and he mentioned that he was also looking for another place.

Says 92 – The last straw – Eating my Food

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2012 Sept 18 6:20 pm. Well that’s it, the last straw. Last night I made a double supper of Chicken fingers, baked potatoes and vegetables, so that I wouldn’t have to cook tonight. Shaneese was in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of wine. Neither of us spoke. I went to the fridge to get my leftovers and when I opened the Tupperware container, my chicken strips were gone. Everything else was still there, but no chicken. When I saw that I exclaimed, “What the fuck!” Shanreese took off like a shot. In an instant she was down the hallway to her bedroom, glass of wine in hand. I then thought, well I’ll just have a piece of Turkey Kielbasa that I hadn’t opened yet. I went to get it and it was also gone. That was 3-4 suppers gone… I ended up frying an egg.

9:00 pm Frank, the owner told me yesterday that he was going to call a house meeting tonight. Previously, I had emailed a woman regarding renting a room so I went to see her tonight. I met the middle-aged woman that was on disability and while the place was okay, I told her I’d get back to her as I wanted to see what would happen at the meeting.

11:00 PM Well the meeting that was supposed to take place, didn’t happen. Frank didn’t get home until 10:00 pm and was having supper when I went into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. He came up to me, looking exhausted and told me that he was too tired, physically and mentally to have a meeting. I didn’t say anything as I poured the hot water into my cup, but as I turned to leave, I told him that someone was into my food. He looked surprised and disgusted but didn’t say anything. I left it at that and went back to my room.
Frank has an issue with confrontation and doesn’t have the balls to confront his wife and the young tenants, as she “mother” them, as they are her drinking buddies that eagerly agree with everything she says. Later I emailed the woman and told her that I had a few more questions, but that I was seriously interested in the room.

Says 91 – New understanding of the phrase “Mother-fucker”

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2012 Sept 18 As I was going into the kitchen to make my breakfast, I met Kyle as he was just leaving. He didn’t say a word as he made his way past me and down the stairs and out to the garage with his coffee. I went to the counter and saw spilled coffee grounds, sugar and water on the counter. He made a mess but either doesn’t have the mentally ability or the desire to clean up after himself. It’s like he expects his mother to look after him.

I was thinking of Kyle and just got a new understanding of the phrase “Mother Fucker.” It’s what most guys want in the way of a woman in their life. They want a woman that will replace their mother, one that will clean and pick up after them, make their meals, wash their clothes, care for them, etc, and as a bonus, one that they can have sex with anytime they want and anyway they want. But when this mother girlfriend is too tired from doing her stuff and looking after him to have sex, he will find another woman just to have sex with, and one that doesn’t play the part of his mother as all he want from her is sex. So now he has the best of both worlds, a girlfriend that is a mother figure to look after him and another fuck buddy that just wants to party and have a good time. “Mother – Fucker!”

Charlie Harper in the TV series, “Two and a half men” is a classic example of this male mental attitude towards woman, where he has a hired housekeeper “Berta” that looks after him, while he sleeps around with other women. Except that in the TV series, Charlie isn’t having a sexual relationship with Berta..

Says 91 – Drunk and partying with girlfriend

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2012 Sept 17 Monday, 11:50 pm Well kyle and his girlfriend are in his room, drinking and watching TV. They have been noisy for the past hour or so, but because I was up, I didn’t say anything and I thought that she would be leaving soon. I was not trying to go to sleep, but with all this commotion, sleep was impossible. Finally I got up and knocked loudly on his door. After a few seconds with no response, I shouted out that if you plan on sleeping in tomorrow, you had better let me get some sleep tonight. “ With that, he pulled open the door, he was angry and had a few too many. He came out into the hallway, yelling at me, “What the fuck!” We got into a little yelling match and when he couldn’t intimidate me, he backed off to his room, yelling at me to never come to his door again. I closed my door and sat on my bed thinking. I heard them turn the TV down, I could still hear it, but it wasn’t blaring like before.

Well I didn’t ask. I asked the owner if there was smoking in the house, to which she said no, smoking is permitted but only outside. What I didn’t ask was… Is pot smoking allowed in the house or outside. Is drinking allowed in the house or outside. Is having friends with benefits allowed? Are sleep-overs allowed? I’ve decided, I’m out of here by the end of the month if things don’t change immediately.

2:00 am Well I woke up again, this time it was Kyle having an argument with his girlfriend. I heard raised voices and banging. I yelled out, “You woke me up again. Don’t expect me to be quiet in the morning when you want to sleep.” A couple of seconds later there was a series of loud noises, cussing and banging on my wall and then silence. But that didn’t last too long as he slammed the door when he went to the bathroom and when he returned.