I saw a program on TV about a dog whisperer and during his interview, he used the word avoidance along with three other words, fight, flight and surrender that I often use to describe what happens when people get activated into their issues. While those three words describes their actions once they have been activated, it doesn’t describe how they are re-acting when they are not activated and that is where the word AVOIDANCE comes in. When he mentioned avoidance, it really struck a chord in me as it was another piece of the puzzle that I needed to see in a different light. With avoidance, there is also the use of lies, omission as well as outright denial. While I knew that avoidance was a form of denial, I’ve never really associated it with a three other reactions that people have when they are being activated or triggered. When he used the word avoidance, it became blatantly obvious that avoidance is the main method used to avoid having to face what you are denying and not wanting to face, because if you did, you would get activated you then react with the other three choices.
The avoidance I’m talking about isn’t running when you have been activated, but what you are doing and saying to avoid any situation that you know will activate you. Like when you have a fear of heights, water, knives, guns, fire, crowds, conflict, saying no, getting attention, public speaking, etc, and you avoid any experiences that will trigger that issue. There are countless ways and means to avoid things, from moving around or away from something or someone , procrastinating, deflecting, invalidating, keeping busy, using drugs, alcohol, work, sex, exercise, hobbies, crafts, TV, eating, and the list goes on and on. This avoidance also includes all the different forms of lies, omission and denial that a person can use to avoid an unpleasant situation and be activated. I never really felt how avoidance was linked to the unseen role of denial, but it hit home as I saw how I have been procrastinating and avoiding finishing my books.