EXACTLY the OPPOSITE of what this meme says is true. If you have feelings that something is not right, TRUST your intuition and give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Ask questions to clear the air and you will soon find out if your feelings were wrong.
As long as you have attachments to another person, you will continue to sacrifice yourself to make them happy. Instead, find the inner reasons of why you are afraid to be alone and why you think / feel you NEED them.
It’s not really about what is being said, but what is not being said. I could give you a list of judgments and denials, but I feel it’s important that one should become aware of the hidden language within our words. – Food for thought – or not
I was watching the movie “King Arthur – Legend of the Sword,” and a comment by the present king piqued my interest. I can’t remember the exact words, but they were along the lines that he thrives on another’s fear; that even though they may hate him, it feeds him energy and power. Another comment was, “You have to break his old self completely, wear him down.”
Later, I thought about the comment and the people that feed off your fears and control you and have power over you, can only do so as long as you are denying the fear that they are activating. Say you have a fear (terror) of confrontation, then they will use whatever they can to activate your fear, be it mental, emotional, physical, or any combination thereof. Anything that threatens you; that you are afraid to face or challenge, will and can over-power and control you.
The other things people use to control and over-power you is guilt and shame. They make you think, feel, and believe that your words or actions are wrong and even hurtful to the one that is trying to control you. They are using your minds twisted beliefs of what love is, what is right and wrong, along with your false emotions that are aligned with your minds beliefs to get you to re-act in the way they want you to.
In order to activate you into your denied issues and fear (terror) as a means to control and over-power you, there are four basic tactics that others use. They are the intimidator, the interrogator, the “oh poor me,” and the aloft or withdrawn approach. If one tactic doesn’t work they will try another until they wear you down and break you, and you re-act in one of three different ways according to your imprinting and programming. You either fight, (that you can’t win) run, or you just give in to their demands to stop the conflict. In doing any of these you give them your power.
The other day I met a woman on Facebook that was in a group I was in. She liked my posts and comments and contacted me, and we chatted for over two hours. She’s an attractive 45 year old widow, with three grown children. She lives in the US; is an artist, musician, dancer, and was a child actor. She owns her own home and her father runs a new age church and her mother has her business.
We got talking about relationships and she made a comment that age doesn’t matter, and with the other comments and questions, and I got the feeling that she was interested in me. As we chatted, I noticed and felt shame coming up for me. Feeling that I wasn’t good enough, not talented, not popular, not good looking, no money, no home, too old and the list goes on and on.
These shame feelings and judgments that I was experiencing now were similar to the shame I had in my childhood. On top of that, I also remembered being shamed by my mother if a girl showed interest in me. I took her shame comments as having a girlfriend was a bad thing and that I was wrong and bad. This was also associated with my religious beliefs at the time that you had to honor your father and mother and they knew what was good for you.
The next day, I spoke with her again and thanked her for activating me into my shame and childhood memories, and that I was working on it. We chatted off and on, but we never got into any lengthy discussion.
Whenever I go shopping and am cashing out, I hear the same robotic message from the cashier as they greet the customers in front of me.
“Hi, How are you?”
The customer smiles and relies, “Fine, and you/”
The cashier says, “Fine. Nice day isn’t it” – or something to that effect.
This is how people set themselves up to carry on being in denial of how they really feel.. Sure, it’s a socially acceptable custom and tradition, but that doesn’t mean it is right, real, or loving. This is part and parcel of the unseen role of denial that literally sucks the life out of us.
The FINE picture is another aspect of the unseen role of denial, and how we unconsciously live our lives as a lie.
I continued reading my RUOW book, and when I turned the page, there was another paragraph that stood out to me. RUOW Book 1 – pg 112
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I also want everyone that is wanting to stay on Earth to agree to end personal denial and accept the self completely.
You need to start with yourself and make an unconditional acceptance of how it really feels to be you. Instead of feeling you must heal everything immediately, you need not. You must however, have a completely committed intent to end denial and heal all the separations of consciousness that this created. This includes:Pain of experiences that the Body holds. Pain of emotions that the Will holds. Loss of Love that Heart holds. Misunderstandings and limitations that the Mind holds disconnection from the Spirit that originated all of it.
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What really caught my attention and got me thinking was this sentence.
<> Misunderstandings and limitations that the Mind holds disconnection from the Spirit that originated all of it. <>
I had associated Mind as Spirit, but I’m now thinking/feeling it in a whole new way. That Mind is our Ego or rather Altered Ego, altered by our imprints, programs and beliefs and also by “misunderstandings,” “limitations,” and judgments. That maybe the “Spirit” that is referred to, is really our Higher Self that is trying to guide and heal our Mind (and the rest of our Being.)
We associate our mind/Spirit as our I AM being, but it’s really just an aspect of our Higher Self made manifest in the physical world. While our Higher Self KNOWS things, (past, present and future)… our mind is ignorant, as part of the process of understanding and healing is to unravel the puzzle of love and life, and not have another do it for us. To do that we need to know all the aspects of denial that have created our present situation
When we originally manifested in the physical, we were not as disconnected from our Higher Self as we are now, and it’s our denials that have created this fragmentation that now needs to be healed in order to recover lost Essence and the lost parts of our Being. This is getting deep, but I know there is a lot more to it.
As a follow up to my previous post, while we all have a Spirit, Soul, and Heart that is eternal, we also have a Body with which we experience physical reality that presently isn’t eternal, but dies and then reincarnates. So when I got the message to, “Seek the Doorway to Eternal Life,” I took that to mean that it includes the physical Body. The Body IS a part of the Spirit, Soul and Heart, and is not meant to be used, abused and cast off when it can no longer bear the denials it has been receiving and is unable to function in the way that Spirit thinks it should. The Body is also meant to have eternal life also, but, the proverbial but… Who, what, where, when, why and how?
Just as the Spirit, Soul and Heart are energy, so too is the Body, albeit at a lower frequency or vibration that is necessary to obtain and maintain a state of physical matter. The Body is made up mostly of water, but it also contains a multitude of different chemicals and minerals. But, all this is the physical RESULT, it’s not CAUSAL, as what is causal and creates all this are the unseen forces that are yet to be brought to our conscious awareness in order to have true understanding. If we knew the 5 W’s we would know how to heal and change our DNA and reverse this process of the body being cast off, (death) and the slow process of the Body dying until it finally reaches the point that it can no longer support life for Spirit, Soul and Heart. (To be continued)
In recognition of International Women’s Day, this is dedicated to all women. May you recognize that you now have the ability and power to do what you were unable to do as a girl. To be there for those lost aspects of your Being that have so desperately wanted and needed your unconditional love.
I’m not going to go into all the details that played themselves out over the past few months suffice to say that they all came to a head within three days. What became clear was that she was not as helpless as she pretended to be, and that a lot of her lies, secrets, avoidance, omissions and denials were exposed for what they were. She was not only playing me, but my son and daughter, her friends and even acquaintances on the internet. She was acting out the “oh poor me” and using whoever and whatever she could to get attention, even if it was negative, it was still attention. She is a self-centered self-absorbed Narcissist and an energy vampire. Her house of cards is crumbling and her reality is quickly changing. As I now see it, she has two choices;
It will be interesting to see what develops in the coming months now that her little game has blown up in her face.
Attachments that are OBVIOUS are easy to spot and release, but it’s the little issues that you don’t see that still form the attachment. In uncovering my attachments and ending my denials, I realized that as we were still on a friendly basis and since she is what is considered bi-polar, and has other illnesses, (judgments and attachments) and so I silently (in denial) put up with her blatant lies and denials, saying that is just the way she is, and instead, focused on trying to help her and find the good in her.
Not challenging her blatant denial, lies, omission and avoidance, as in not wanting to upset her, I was in denial and unconsciously allowed her to use those against me. The sick “twist” in all this is that at times she really needed help, but other times it was just a game and she was acting the “oh poor me” to get whatever power she could by knowing she was controlling the another being. The more I allowed, the more she used them against me in the form of getting me to do things for her that affected my time, energy and money, to the point that this past weekend, I saw exactly what she was doing and what I was allowing her to do, via the unseen role of denial, judgments and attachments. When I called her out on her denials and lies, and stated that I was finished helping her and empowering her “oh poor me” reality, our attachments were broken and I was free, while she was left to deal with her denials in your own way and to take, or not take, responsibility for her well being.
The unseen role of denial that I didn’t see with my ex-wife’s scenario was that in my Spirit (mind) and the Spirit polarity aspect of my Heart, that defines love by words and deeds and not by how it feels, thought that I was being kind, caring, sharing, considerate, compassionate, etc., etc., for those that I judged to be less fortunate. That “less fortunate” judgment (that I now release) has an unloving aspect to it that of a false sense of pride, in that it silently and smugly deems me to be superior or better than, or in a better position than another. The opposite side of my outer judgments says that if I have judgments of being better than others, I must also have the judgment on self that I’m not as fortunate as good as some other people.
So the realization was that this doesn’t just apply to my ex-wife, but to everyone that I’m in contact with. The subtle judgments, the false pride, the trying to be nice, even to an asshole because he/she is drunk or on drugs or whatever, are all things that I need to release to really empower myself on all levels. How this played out in my outer reality was that my ex-wife was ACTING like she needed help and asking for it, either directly or indirectly. These weren’t an “in the moment” type situations or experiences of helping another that you could see and feel were in need of help, but on an attachment and judgment level based on past experiences and old imprints, programs and beliefs of what the person appeared to be going through and needing help with.
While this may seem like it’s not a big deal, I assure you it is, as guilt and shame are constantly at me, trying to get me to reverse my position, to be responsible and be the “nice” guy again. Like I said, this isn’t just about my ex-wife, but how I respond to all that I come in contact with. It’s a new way of seeing that just because someone looks like they are the victim and in need of help, doesn’t mean that they are. They just play the “Oh poor me” game from another angle and don’t be fooled, it is effective. Besides the Oh poor me, the other major game players in the energy sucking power game are the intimidator, the interrogator, and the aloft. Some are quite good at using two or more power plays to get what they want and will flip back and forth at easy. Recognizing them is the first step at ending their control over you. . It’s been a while since I read it, but I think these are outlined in the book, “Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.
Dec. 05 – 6:10 pm – I just did a meditation and again it was Heart speaking to Spirit (Mind) and how Mind and it’s altered ego controls the body to do what it wants out of false pride and vanity, and stubbornness to admit defeat and not be ashamed and ridiculed. I wish I had written this all down right after the meditation as now most of it is gone from my memory. I know that Spirit also answered and asked for help in letting of its imprints, programs and beliefs that control it, and in turn, control the Will, Body and Heart. That it wants to know what it needs to see and feel in order to heal all aspects of self.
Body also spoke, telling Mind where it had pain. That there was pain in the head, neck, shoulder, back, lower back and legs and that Mind was to also look at the aneurysm, prostate and sex drive issues. My Body was doing some major movement during these dialogues.
I also flashed back to the contest between the light and dark Wizards and how I was stuck in dense matter, in the Amethyst Crystal and that I couldn’t get myself out. At the time, I blamed Form (Body) but I realize it was my expectations and my false pride and denials that dis-empowered me and allowed me to become stuck, and where I lost a good part of my Essence.
As I was typing and editing this for my Blog I realized that I was imprinted and programmed by my mother and father to “Make them proud.” With that program, I had to do everything in my power to not disappoint them, and to make them ashamed of me. That’s heartbreaking and I feel it in this moment.. What a burden to put on a child that is just starting school and doesn’t know how to speak the language, or even have a clue as to what school was about and what was expected of me. Everything negative that happened to me, I tried my best to deny and not show it, as I didn’t want to disappoint them. Self sacrifice and a false pride to maintain an image that I felt was acceptable. Sadly, that program carried on throughout my life affecting not only my feelings and emotions, but my body as well, as it too had to be strong, even when it wasn’t. And that is what I’m now in the process of uncovering and healing..
Dec 01 3:35 pm – I began what I thought would be a meditation and suddenly became aware that my Heart was talking to my Spirit (Mind). I’m writing this after the fact as I didn’t want to disrupt the dialogue. Heart was asking it to stop running and busying itself with things that didn’t matter and to do what it says it wants to do, that of healing the Body and Will and that every time the real issues are brought up, it runs and distracts itself.
What Spirit is afraid of is DEATH and so a weak, ill and hurting Body is a sign that death is near and as Spirit has never experienced death as the Will (Soul) and Body have, it is terrified to even try to understand what is happening and why, and how its denials of the Will and Body have been causal and have created the illness, injury and aging and the slow decent toward death.
It’s time that Spirit honor its INTENT to heal the Will and Body and to see and feel what it has never seen and felt because it was afraid it would not survive if it did. But now, if it doesn’t, there is a good chance that it will just keep repeating the cycle of reincarnation.
Hearts message was that it is also time to heal all aspects of our Being, Will, Body, Heart and Spirit that has also lost Essence, power, gifts and talents. That it is now time to accept all things that Spirit has feared, rejected, denied and cut off from its love and light. All lost parts of the Will are scattered and held in the Body. That where Spirit and Spirit Heart had judgments on the Will and Body, that there are either only partial connections there or none at all and only Heartlessness and indifference. There was no bonding and so there isn’t any love or life in these areas, only unlovingness and mistrust.
I can’t remember all that was said as I just went with the flow and was feeling and expressing any emotions that were coming up. But afterwards, I did feel a shift in energy, now how it plays out will need to be seen and felt.
I spent more than two hours (in the middle of the night) writing 11 1/2 pages in my journal. I’m posting it in its entirety as I want you to see how the thought/feeling process unfolded and how I gained realizations as to how to heal my Body. The story begins with a recount Saturday afternoon experiences that triggered the middle of the night writings. Sorry that it’s kind of long. I was going to break this down into two or three segments, but felt it would fragment the flow of acquiring this realization.
2016 November 19 Saturday 2:30 pm – I had gone to the farmers market and while there I got a pain behind my right shoulder blade and spine that ran up to my neck. It was especially painful and felt like a knot or kink, but I don’t know what caused it. Another thing is that my right hip was also sore and hurting.
I lay down to have a brief nap and reflect on my shoulder and I got that it’s involved with a car accident, and more. I flashed to seeing the woman in her SUV going through the intersection and I slammed on the brakes. On impact, my right leg was pressing on the brake pedal and that resulted in my right hip not moving forward like my left one as my left leg was not braced in the same way. This, and the fact that I was thrown into the driver’s door helped to twist my hip. In a similar fashion, my right and left arm were braced for impact and the jarring impact, followed by the twisting action of being hurled into the driver’s door twisted my right shoulder neck and spine.
But, there’s more. While all this was going on, my mind was thinking of survival and denied any emotional and physical expression except those that supported its survival mentality, like focusing on things that were OK, with little consideration or recognition of the real pain in the body that was numb and in shock, and unable to express itself as it needed to. It was only hours and days after the accident when the shock wore off that my mind became aware of the damage that had been inflicted on my Body, and even then, it was only related to the pain that the body was feeling at the time, that the Mind didn’t want to feel, and not what actually happened to the body, or what help the body needed to allow it to heal itself.
I got up and did two exercises from the Rudolph Stone Polarity Therapy book, chart 63 and 64, and my shoulders and lower back feel a bit better. I still feel a pinched nerve in my left shoulder but overall, I’m not in the pain I was in before.
So now the question is how do I heal my physical body?, When I was working on healing my emotions, I would remember the traumatic experiences, and my Spirit (Mind) would allow my Soul [Will] to express everything that it never got to express during the original experiences, like heartbreak, terror, anger, rage, aloneness, unloved, betrayal, manipulated, etc. As I wrote that, I flashed to some of the healing experiences I witnessed when working with others, and while some of the previous mentioned emotions were involved, it was guilt and shame that were stored in the body, that negatively affected the physical body with aches, pains, and disabilities. Once they released the guilt and shame energy they had been holding, the body immediately responded with health and well being. So now the questions are; where does the body store any so-called negative feelings and emotions like heartbreak, betrayal, unloved, alone, etc., and how does one release them? Also, where and how does the body’s own feelings, emotions and pain get stored [trapped] in the body, and how does one release them?
November 20, Sunday 2:50 AM
2:50 am – As mentioned, I had a real pain in my back between my shoulder blades and into my neck yesterday. I just got up now to go to the bathroom, and my back felt a bit better. I also got the feeling that it’s associated with the betrayal and heartbreak of getting blindsided and stabbed in the back. Not expecting to be hurt that way from people I loved and trusted. Suddenly feeling flooded with pain, disbelief and shock, and heartbroken and betrayed and not knowing what to say in a moment as you are too numb to even respond and so you react and pretend [deny] that it’s not happening and that its normal, going to be OK, that it’s just a dream, that you were wrong, or that they did mean it and were just joking.
I just remembered a poem I wrote in my teens and early twenties, that I shared in my third book. The poem is titled, Temp/Anger, and it’s basically all about this issue. Wow! It’s all about SURVIVAL, and how I have taken in unloving energy and have been holding it in my spine, my chakras, and other parts of my body.
3:10 am – I just had a brief flutter of heartbreak but it came and went just as fast, but at least it moved.
I just flashed different [unexpected and unpleasant] experiences that I’ve had, and also good experiences, where I deliberately shot myself down for fear of getting hurt again, so it’s a better that I ended as it will hurt less. This was mainly with relationships, especially female, where I’d either convinced myself they were not interested in me, or that they were too good for me, or that I wasn’t good enough for them. I flashed through my teenage years of feeling ashamed of not only me, but my parents as well for being poor. I didn’t want to have a girlfriend for fear of having her find out how poor we were.
Starting school was a big time shock for me. Besides the physical, mental and emotional abuse, I felt heartbreak and betrayed by my parents, teachers and peers. I also felt an overwhelming feeling of heartlessness being directed at me with no real way of not taking it in. In believing that what was happening to me was my fault, and also based on my religious indoctrination (RC) beliefs of TRUSTING PEOPLE, thinking that they were as loving as I was. Giving them the benefit of the doubt time and time again that I heard known, or convincing myself to wait and see what else they had the say that would clear up my doubts.
3:25 am – This seems like a repeat of what I went through in healing my Will, but yet it seems like on a different level, as the feelings and emotions are more like shadows, and not as strong and powerful like I had previously experience. Aha! – I just realized that while I was able to move my emotions that I had denied expression, I hadn’t moved all the unloving denial energy that I had taken in during and after those experiences. I hadn’t moved the feelings my Body had experienced. I denied myself even to the point of shutting down my physical talents and gifts so that I wouldn’t upset people, so that they would like and accept me.
I just felt more feelings of heartbreak that came and went again just as quickly.
I feel I’ve cut off and denied so much of myself, my innocence, that if I compare all my Essence when I incarnated to what I have left now, it’s like my physical body compared to my left hand. I’ve lost almost all of me, not lost, more like I can’t find. But yes, lost in that I denied and cut them off. Aha! I just realized that it’s more like this is how much unloving denial energy of others that my physical body is holding in these parts of me, energy that is not mine and is of reversed polarity.
It is my intent to move any and all unloving energy and Essence that is not mine from my body. From my physical, mental, emotional and etheric bodies and chakras, and to send it back to where it came from or to its right place, so that I can heal all aspects of me.
I just added that I want to transform my own reversed polarity unloving energy that is in the form of an attachment to people places and things. That while I had no conscious intent to harm or over-power, it still is unloving through the unseen role of denial and needs to be transformed. Connections yes, attachments no.
3:45 am – I was just thinking of how I hated my body for being small, weak, different, and unacceptable. I even remember going through a stage where I wanted to change my name, thinking that would change things. I hated my body for being sick, hurt, or injured as if it was my body’s fault for what it was experiencing and for not being able to do what I (my Mind) wanted it to do.
(Again I felt some emotions move briefly.)
I pushed my body even when it was sick or hurt to do what I felt I needed to do, which was to SURVIVE this fucking cruel world. Humph!!! I have to die to live and isn’t that fucked up?
(Now I’m feeling and expressing some anger and rage.)
Whoa! I just realized that I unconsciously kill my essence in order to do what I believe is needed to live. I cut off and deny parts of me that are hurt and wounded so that the rest of me can go on with this illusion called life. WTF! Now I feel numb. I’m in shock at that realization and how close I’ve come to almost having to leave my physical body and the Essence I’ve abandoned and denied, thereby giving Lucifer what he wants.
FUCK THAT! FUCK YOU LUCIFER! You’re not going to win.
I just flashed to the light and dark wizards duel and how I lost a major part of my Essence there. I intend to get those parts back also. I’m getting all parts of me that I’ve denied and lost in all time, and dimensions. I intend to recover all parts of my Being. I will not stop until every last part of me that is out there and being held by unloving light is back into my Essence. I will move any and all unloving light back to whom or where it belongs, to its right place. I no longer accept it in and upon me. I ask for help from Mother and Father and all my guides that are here to assist me to help me in whatever way is appropriate and serves my highest purpose, love, and light.
4:10 am – I just realized that taking medicine, pain relievers, and even chiropractic treatments and massage, etc., and even using heat and baths are unloving and controlling. While it APPEARS you are loving yourself, it is in reality [through the unseen role of denial] actually your mind trying to force the body not to be sick, weak, or in pain.
FUCK this is SUBTLE!
But the underlying intent is still unloving if it’s not what the Body is asking for, but what the Mind wants the Body to do so that it can do what it wants and be happy. It’s more unloving light that is actually the Mind that has been imprinted and program; that it is in control, that it is the master, that it knows what is best for all. I now recognize that it is my light that has reversed its polarity and has become unloving light and has been slowly killing me, although it was unconscious and unaware that it was doing so.
Aha! I realize that by denial, I’ve taken in, accepted; unloving light that has imprinted and programmed my Mind to control the rest of my Being. The more I denied, (what I believed was wrong with me) the more I changed from the loving light I was, to become what I am now. I thought my light was wrong and that this unloving light that I took in was right. That I needed to be like the others in order to live and be happy like them and that is totally FUCKED! My intent is to let go of any and all unloving imprints, programs, and beliefs that would have me reverse my lights polarity, from loving to unloving. I ask for help to become aware when I’m doing this so that I can end this action that has been slowly killing me, as what I desire is life and love.
4:30 am – Having to go to school to learn things so that you can get a job and earn money, to pay for things that enable you to survive for a few years, until you grow sick and old and are of no further use and die. This reality is forced upon us the day we are born. We grow old and these imprints, programs, and beliefs are what we take to the grave, or rather have been. I’m not buying that reality any longer and I let go of those imprints, programs and beliefs.
You force your Mind to control your emotions, and you force your Body to do the things it does not want to do so that the Mind can get what it believes is the power [money] to enable it to do what it thinks it needs and wants to be happy, and to also support the family with shelter, food, clothing, and the pleasures of this so called life. This reality is actually a hideous energy form sucking the life out of our loving Bodies through our denials and willingness to be like them, the “Otherkin,” those that do not belong in this universe and that need to be moved to the right place.
4:40 am – This is somewhat of a rehash of what I went through and know several years ago, but now it takes on a new feeling and meaning. I’m also beginning to feel a new life force rising in me, a new conviction and determination, and new purpose, or maybe it’s just a rekindling of an old flame that has been put aside to finish the books and that part of my journey. Whatever it is, I like it.
4:50 am – I asked my Body to show me what it needs to show me, to move any unloving light that it is holding and help me transform any reversed polarity parts of my light. I asked it also to show me any lost Will energy that it is holding and the unloving energy that is associated with it, so that I can recover lost Will Essence and move out unloving energy.
5:05 am -I closed my eyes and saw several dark forms moving before me. Lucifer, Baal, Melchizedek, and others, hovering over me, cussing and name calling, stating that I can’t do what I’m doing and that they are not through with me, that they will stop me. I smiled as that was what they were saying the last time I was close to a breakthrough. This time I rolled over and went to sleep, and woke up at 9:15 am.
To understand what life is, you need to understand what Death is.
I didn’t post this before as I felt confused, and felt it had no bearing on the material I was presently sharing, but with what I experienced on Nov, 20, that I will share later, it is very relevant.
2016 Nov 11 Friday
3:35 am – I woke up thinking about death that I had been dreaming about. The only reason people feel a profound sense of peace when they die, (and then come back to life) is that they’ve only experience the sensations of their Spirit (Mind), as all else, the things that were troubling Spirit like feelings and emotions and physical aches, pains and disease have been left behind, and the Spirit (mind) is no longer aware of them. The only feelings and emotions that they take with them when they temporarily die are the ones they have acceptance for, the ones that gave them pleasure. All the rest are not accepted, are denied and become lost essence and will be what they will add to the other essence they cast off and rejected in past lives that they will again try to reclaim in their next reincarnation.
While this first glimpse of the afterlife may feel euphoric and peaceful, if they don’t come back, it’s another story, as they eventually realize what they’ve lost and it is then that they choose to try to reclaim this lost essence by reincarnating again. Unfortunately, the knowing of what needs to be done and how to do it is lost when the Spirit and Soul reincarnate. And by the time they are old enough to be able to begin the recovery, they’ve lost almost all memory of what they knew when they were in the nonphysical reality of spiritual energy. And so they have to physically, mentally and emotionally experience the issues that they reincarnated to heal and reclaim. To them it will feel like a burden, a curse, and being a victim with only pain and suffering to endure until such time as Spirit feels it can no longer stay with an aging or diseased body, and chooses once again to shed the physical Body it does not desire and return to the nonphysical realm of existence.
6:33 am – Spirit (Mind) has never experienced death and that is the reason society has the belief that death is nothing to fear, that it’s a welcome transition from the drudgery and dreariness of the physical body (for any number of reasons) to that of the peace and serenity of the afterlife. Once the Spirit has truly crossed over with no chance of returning to the physical Body and Soul it has abandoned, it reconnects with this higher self, the part of its Being that has remained in the higher vibrational energy of the Spirit realm. The Soul however, remains with the physical Body after Spirit and Heart have left, and slowly begins to withdraw her essence from the Body through a process that lasts from 3 – 5 days. The Soul first withdraws from the limbs and then the internal organs. By the way, the medical community does not transplant dead organs; they harvest and transplant living organs that still have Soul essence in them. That is why some people that receive a organ feel some of the emotional memories of the donor. That’s also why there is the custom of not burying a person for at least three days following their death.
To understand what life is,
you need to understand what Death is.
I had my second session on Wednesday and before we started, my therapist stated that this session was about me, and not her, referring to our first session. I mentioned that you didn’t have anything planned and didn’t know what to expect, and neither did I. I said I had not planned on picking up on her, it just happened and I felt I needed to express it, otherwise, by denial, I’d be holding it in my energy field. She kind-of nodded her head like she knew what I meant, but I felt she didn’t get it. I said I have no problem not including you in the session, if that is your intent. She nodded in agreement and we went into her room.
The session was basically the same as last time, except that my physical reactions to moving energy were a lot less, and lest dramatic. I did however feel heartbreak when she was working on my sacral, and also pain in my right shoulder when she was working on my jaw. The thing that I noticed is when she was finishing up and got to my shoulders, she didn’t stay long and ended the session rather quickly. I felt she didn’t want to give me the opportunity to pick up on her again, but my intuition and her actions, told me she was in fear.
As a footnote: I’ve also been working on a couple of exercises I found in my Polarity 
Therapy book as I’m curious as to what my physical and other reactions will be.
Polarity Therapy Volume 1, Book 2
Chart No. 63 – The Ideal Posture and Rocking Balance Stretch for the Release of the Downward Airy Currents of Energy in the Body Which Govern All Expelling Functions of Gases, Liquids and Solids. Frees the Back Pressure from the Heart.
Chart No. 64 – A Posture Stretch for Youthful Elasticity through the Release of Vital Force and Blocked Energy Circuits in the Heavy Pelvic Muscles, Freeing the Hip Joints by Gentle Stretching through Rocking Motions.
This is another picture/word message that I got off the internet. The original image words, “The death of the ego will be the beginning of your real life,” is a part truth. As you can see, I’ve “altered” the image (no pun intended.) 🙂
The following article is taken from my soon to be published second book titled, “My Journey – Three Levels of Healing – Feeling, healing and understanding.” The old “pre-published edition” can be downloaded ( free) from my website at http://shenreed.com/index.html
Our Ego has gotten a bum rap in that it’s our Ego that defines who we are. Our ego is unique; it separates you from me and all the others. The problem is not our Ego but our Altered Ego, altered by our imprints, programs and beliefs and by the many other voices (internal and external) that tell it that it must do this or that to either be accepted or to be in control. Little does the Mind realize that in listening to these other voices, that it’s being altered and controlled. The altered ego is the fake persona or personality that is in a position of power and control as it is not only in control of our Mind, but also the rest of our Being. It also strives to extend its influence and dominate the environment around it, be it people, places or things. The Altered ego is the individual that searches for acceptance and approval outside itself. It strives for success and recognition and defines who they are by their status, achievements, possession, wealth and power. There is also the opposite end where the individual will appear to be a powerless, helpless victim, but it is all an act in that by being considered a victim, they are actually dictating and controlling others around them.
The trouble is that while our Ego is altered, it is also disconnected from our Higher Self Spiritual source. Instead of communicating with our Higher Self, our Ego is being controlled by the unloving voices of the Inner Critic, guilt, shame and denied rage, to name a few. I’m sure that you’ve had several conversations with your Inner Critic when it is telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. Once you begin to end your denials, the inner voices also begin to be silenced and your Ego then begins to communicate with your Higher Self, and that’s when life gets interesting. Your Ego, your true self wants to free itself of the unloving grip of its old imprints, programs and beliefs and also of any unloving energy that has been, and is trying to control it.
A rather simplistic way to look at our Ego is to compare it and ourselves to a tree. While a tree can be one of millions of similar species in a forest, it’s still unique and has its own consciousness. If it were to try to become another tree, to have a different bark, leaves or fruit, or if it wanted to be bigger or change its position, then there would be issues, not only for it, but also for the other trees in the forest that it would affect as it tries to control and change its environment. Another simplistic, but classic example of an altered ego can be found in the tale of “The Ugly Duckling,” by Hans Christian Andersen.
2013 Jan 05 Saturday, I was channel surfing on the TV and happened to tune into the movie “A Knight’s Tale” and although I missed the beginning, I did watch it to the end. What struck me was a scene where the knight (William) flashed back to his childhood where his father sends him off to be an apprentice and told him to watch and learn. I was emotionally moved by that comment and how the father was genuinely doing what he felt was best for his son. I began to write what I was remembering and feeling in my journal. Here is what I wrote.
Those words reminded me of my father and what he said to me when he took me to school that first day. I couldn’t speak English (only German) and I was going to an English school. My father took me aside and told me that I should listen and learn, but he also added, and be like the other kids.
Like the father in the movie, I felt that my father didn’t know what he was saying and how his words were to impact me in a negative way. I know he didn’t have unloving intent as he honestly felt that going to school was best for me and that I could do what he couldn’t do, and that if I learned and was educated, that I wouldn’t end up being a poor dirt farmer like he was. He had done all he could and now I had to move on and go to school, and that this was his way of showing me he loved me, of wanting a better life for me.
In this moment, I miss him and wished that we could have been closer. I mean on a real level and not being close at a distance. I love you dad. Thank you.
Your Son
Johnnie
2012 April 9 Lost hopes, dreams and desires are directly related to experiences where you had the opportunity to fulfill those dreams and desires, but you were either denied having the experience, or you denied it yourself. As much as you now hope and long for another opportunity to re-live the experience as you would like to do things differently, it’s also futile, as that moment has passed and things have changed. It’s is impossible to even pretend and deny that the original experience never happened. Even knowing that you have a second chance, doesn’t make it the original experience, as you already have that imprint, program and belief, that it is a lost hope, dream and desire, that was put in place from the original denied experience.
With that realization comes the feelings of heartbreak, as well as anger and rage at yourself for being held back, or for holding yourself back. While these feelings and emotions are quick to surface, what is harder to reach and also the most important is your denied terror, and why you felt your terror was correct at that time, in denying the experience.
What brought this topic up was my remembering a few experiences in my early adolescence. While I was curious about girls and wanted to talk with them and be friends, I was also afraid that I was bad or that others would think that I was bad. The reason behind those thoughts was due in part to my religious upbringing and my mother, and secondly was the result of being bullied and not wanting to say or do anything that would give others a reason to attack me. This was my terror that I denied, and as such, I denied any experiences where I had the desire to do so.
Now, decades later, I wonder what would have happened if? If I had done that, if I had said that, and hundreds of other if’s. Guilt and shame were also involved in keeping me from the experiences I was curious about and desired. This is also associated with lost innocence, innocence that I denied, and now, lost youth, as I’m now decades older, and I can’t relive my youth….or at least, that is my present belief.
It’s interesting that I added that as an afterthought as that thought came from nowhere. So maybe there is a way to heal all this and to reclaim lost innocence and fulfill my lost hopes, dreams and desires.
As I’m writing this, I’m feeling over whelmed at all that I have lost. I have very few memories of my childhood, adolescence, teen and even adult life. Not like some people I know that can remember minute details and even the exact date. What I do remember mostly are things associated with lost hopes, dreams and desires. I’m realizing that I was either living in the past, heartbroken and angry over what I had experienced, or I was in terror of what was awaiting me in the future. As such, I had very little of my conscious presence fully in the present moment.
2012 March 30 6:40 am I awoke and was thinking of all the things that are wrong in this world and I began to write a list.
Corrupt government, federal, provincial, and municipal
Religious beliefs and conflict
The wars and military spending
Pharmaceutical drugs and medical care
High gas, food, electrical and housing prices
High CATV, satellite, telephone, cell phone and internet prices
GMO foods and animals
Polluted land, water and air
Chemtrails and government cover-up
Big brother watching you
And the list goes on and on.
I then though, this is way too much to try to fix and that the only way we are going to change things is to let go of it and let it self destruct and then we’ll build a brand new world to rise out of the ashes like the fabled Phoenix. By self-destruct, I don’t mean that the World (Earth) should be destroyed, but that the SYSTEMS that are presently in a position of power be destroyed. When they are gone, along with those that support that system; those that remain can then begin the process of creating a New World with a new blue print of how reality can be when denials are ended.
February 18 7:15 AM So in order to stop the cycle of death and reincarnation, and to bring all the presently untapped physical senses into reality, Spirit (Mind) has to begin to not only accept what the Body, Will and Heart are feeling in the present moment, but to also feel what happened to them in the past. Spirit needs to go where it has never gone before and experience what it thinks will kill it, to a place where Will/Body were abandoned and left to die. It’s Body (form) that holds the most denials as even the Will gradually has to leave it, not that she wanted to, but she had no choice.
Feb 18 1:10 PM Not that all of Heart left after Spirit left, as only the part of Heart that is Spirit polarized left, leaving the Will polarized part of Heart to die along with Body and Will. I just felt the heartbreak of both Spirit polarity Heart in having to leave the Body/Will, and the Will polarity of itself and how he felt he had no choice, and how Will polarity Heart, felt broken, betrayed, alone and a host of other feelings and emotions. Will polarity Heart was also trapped in a dying Body and quickly losing consciousness, meaning that the physical heart and circulatory system and blood were also dying, and in the process, cutting off possibility of physical life from the rest of the Body.
This is horrible! What a fucking heartbreaking waste! I don’t know what else I can call it as there are just too many feelings and words to describe what I just felt. It’s all based on imprinting that goes back to the very beginning, to original Cause.
Before you can know what life is, you need to know what death is.
To know what love is, you need to know what is not love.
If any part of us is in denial of another part of ourselves, that part being denied is receiving death. So how can we call what we are experiencing life, when a part of us is dying? Cutting off parts of us that are dying only means that we are losing more consciousness and essence. Eventually Spirit, that is electric in nature, also dies because without the Wills Magnetic essence there is no longer the compliment of forces necessary for Spirit/Will to co-exist. Without the Yin, there is no Yang.
February 18 6:25 AM I was thinking about death and how Spirit (Mind) has never experienced what our Body and Will have experienced. When a person dies, it’s the Spirit (life force) that leaves first, and then, within a few seconds, Heart (represented by our physical heart) stops and with that, there is no longer any flow of the life force to nourish the Body.
The Will, being magnetic in nature, doesn’t leave the Body immediately, nor does she want to as life is what she desires, but without Spirit presence, to animate Body with life, the Body cannot exist in the form it had. Without Spirit, the Will is slowly forced to leave the Body, and as she leaves, the parts of the Body begin to return to the original essence and elements that it was made from. One thing I need to mention is that just because Spirit and Heart have left the Body/Will, that doesn’t mean that the Body’s and Will’s ability to feel and sense what is going on has stopped, as only Body’s ability to move and respond has ceased to function. It can still feel pain in all those parts that still have Will presence, it just can’t move and respond to them.
It’s like a person that is in a coma and while they are unable to communicate, they are totally aware of what is going on, they just can’t move their eyes, speak, or even move their finger to show they are alive and aware of their surroundings and the physical and emotional pain they are in. A person in a coma still has some part of their Spirit essence in their Body as it hasn’t totally decided to leave, yet. It has lifted most of it’s essence and consciousness, except for what is needed to keep the body/Will alive. Heart presence is still in the Body to maintain the flow of life essence. Left unattended, the person would be unable to feed or care for themselves and unless Spirit chose to return, a slow and agonizing dying process would follow until such time that Spirit did leave and Body/Will would feel abandoned, unloved, rejected, and heartbroken.
I just felt and realized that while Spirit has never experienced what Body and Will have, that there is a part of Heart essence that has remained and experienced an aspect of dying. Although this part of Heart has momentarily remained, it has only experienced Spirit leaving and only the very beginning of the emotional and physical pain that the Will and Body was feeling, as when it felt its terror of death, it was quick to follow Spirit. Spirits terror is to experience dying and death, as life is what it is, and Heart has similar issues. When Spirit (Mind) says that death is nothing, it is only nothing to Spirit because Spirit has never experienced it, so there was NO THING to experience.
Humm? This relates back to the beginning of how Spirit is in terror of losing any part of the Body’s FULL sensations, especially sight, and sound, as then it is in the dark, the unknown, and left to the remaining senses, of touch, taste and smell, feeling crippled and powerless.
Loss of the physical senses and the body’s 
physical abilities of its youth terrify the Spirit and is in part, the cause of aging, as Spirit tries to deny what has happened to Body as a result of the experiences it, and the Will have had to endure without the acceptance and help from Spirit. All the times when Spirit/Will/Body/Heart were confronted with traumatic experiences, Spirit did what it thought it needed to do in order to survive, by cutting off and denying the parts of itself, it’s Will, (feelings and emotions) as well as Body sensations. It’s all these denials, (denied reversed energy) that the body is forced to hold and carry. It’s the LOAD (Lies, Omission, Avoidance, Denial) that gradually weighs down the Body, causing it to move and react slower and not heal like it once did , and to also diminish its senses. That’s when Spirit begins to become aware of the things it doesn’t like about the Body, which only adds to the denials that the Body is forced to hold, thus accelerating the process of illness and aging.
Note: In looking for an autopsy picture to use on my blog post I happened upon this picture and then followed it to the main website. If you want to see and feel what a medical team does to a Body that is still alive, but can’t move, then visit this site.
I must warn you, the pictures are very graphic and disturbing.