Category Archives: Fear – Terror

Says 186 – Quick fix & Learn what doesn’t work

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186 - fill-the-emptiness-in-your-lifeFor all those that are wanting a “Quick Fix” to heal their emotions….. here is a link to four things you can do..         NOTE: I said QUICK FIX…
 
Before you can know what works, you need to know what doesn’t work. Like learning to ride a bike; you not only need to fall, but you need to have the desire to search for and understand the REASON you fell, and then APPLY that hindsight to your future experiences so see if indeed you solved your problem. If not, then you need to analyze the problem again and apply a different solution to see if that works.  If you don’t, guess what? ………  SSDD
Food for thought … or Not…

Says 180 – Diet and lifestyle – the root cause of Anxiety?

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180 anxiety and dietYet another post on my facebook page that I disagree with .. Anxiety Drugs Cause Anxiety, Weight Gain And Even DEATH, This is How To Treat The ROOT Cause that was written by a holistic psychiatrist practicing in New York City.  He goes on to say that <quote> I think anxiety is first and foremost a physiologic disorder; that is, it’s a disorder of the body, not just the mind. <end quote

Anxiety is a mental/emotional issue, with the person either worrying about what happened in the past, or what will happen in the future. If the good doctor gave his hypothesis  more thought, he would realize that the issues related to past or future, have NOTHING to do with your diet and lifestyle.

However, there is a link in that the denied mental and emotional energy is stored in the Body, creating imbalance and disease, but the ROOT cause is not changing ones diet or lifestyle, but in finding and healing the root cause of ones anxiety. Changing ones diet and lifestyle will be at best, “a quick fix,” as the feelings and emotions will still be there.

 
 

Says 153 – The Mind in Control

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Big HeadThis is a graphic and symbolic representation of how humanity has put value and emphasis of importance on the Mind and its thoughts and beliefs…

We are a Spiritual Being having a physical experience. We have four parts to our Being; Spirit (Mind), Soul (Will – intuition, feelings and emotions) Heart and then form or our physical Body, and although they are separate aspects, they are all connected and function as one. Presently, it’s the Mind that is in CONTROL of the other parts of our being, and as you can see, there is no BALANCE in that.

In order for balance to return, our Mind needs to stop being the dictator and let go of being in a position of power and in control of the other parts of our Being. To do that, it needs to let go of its old imprints, programs, beliefs and judgments of what is best for the rest of its Being. It needs to challenge its old beliefs, not defend them.

Says 122 – 2012-12-21 The end of the World

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End of world as we know itIt’s the beginning of the collapse of the system and the world as we know it, and
the beginning of a new world without the political and religious crap. What is happening now is that all the denials and shit is getting exposed and as it does, the system begins to fall and truth becomes the normal behavior…

Says 112 – The fear of power and the power of fear

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I happened to catch a bit of a war program on TV and the words that caught my attention were, “the fear of power, and the power of fear.” I feel there is a fine line between the two as the fear of power, of having power and being in control can be just as debilitating as being in fear of being overpowered. Part of the fear of power is in having the responsibility associated with the wrong use of it. The mind tries to find some balance in one’s life, in order to survive without becoming a tyrant. They are constantly weaving their way through and around any potential problems to avoid unpleasant confrontations in which they consider themselves as harming others, or where others feel they are being controlled and harmed. There is also of fear of being wrong associated with the fear of having power

The power of fear similar that in order to have fear, one must have experienced a situation where one felt overwhelmed, overpowered and helpless to change the situation. Being imprinted and programmed, the person now lives in constant fear of the unknown, projecting and expecting to experience what they fear, and looking for ways to avoid encountering it. The persons fear is their weakness as they will always be afraid that what they fear will be used against them.

Says 98 – The pursuit of happiness.

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There can be no pursuit of happiness, either you are happy or you are not. Happiness is a state of being, it is what you feel in the moment without fear, judgment, attachment, or expectation. Pursuing, people, places and things in an attempt to make you happy is a fools game and at best, one that will only bring you temporary results that leave you wanting more. Instead of pursuing happiness, one needs to pursue the reason and truth of why you are unhappy, and then to heal that. When you find the cause of your unhappiness and heal it, what you are left with is being in a state of happiness. The pursuit of happiness is also intertwined with false hope, dreams and desires that “if” you can just have or do what your Mind thinks it needs, that you will be happy and satisfied.

Trying to pursue happiness is like a donkey trying to reach a carrot that is dangling from a pole attached securely to a cart that the donkey is pulling. The carrot will always be just out of reach and no matter how hard the donkey tries to reach it, he will never succeed.

Says 74 – Courage

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2012 July 30 6:30 am. I was thinking of a discussion I had with a friend on Courage. It doesn’t take courage to pretend that you are OK when you’re not. That’s false courage and the illusion and lie that that they present to others so that they won’t feel week, alone, vulnerable, not good enough, a failure, unlovable, and the list goes on and on. Pretending that one is fine by putting on a false bravado and face to others is also a disguised form of unloving heartlessness toward themselves. By pretending that you have conquered, or are unaffected by your physical adversities, or the things and people in your life that are activating you, you are not only fooling others, but also yourself.

Real courage is not only admitting all the things that you omit, avoid and deny, but to also dig deeper and have the inner strength to not only face your issues, but to mentally, emotionally and physically allow yourself to move what has never been allowed to move, your darkest fear. That is true courage and that is the only thing that will bring light and understanding to what has been denied and in kept in the dark. That is love, unconditional love that can move mountains and give you the life you have only dreamed and hoped was possible.

Says 72 – Chat with the landlords – leaving the end of August.

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2012 July 28 Saturday 11;00 am. The landlord came to my room and asked me if I had found another place yet. I invited him into my room and we had a little chat. I stated that I liked the room and the other people living here and that I’d like to stay, but that we need to clear the air. I said that I speak my mind and ask questions when I am confused or feel someone is trying to manipulate or bullshit me. And just because I express myself, that doesn’t mean that I’m the bad one for uncovering the truth that another person is trying to hide.

I asked about the A/C and was given several BS stories. I asked about why you went into my room without permission, and you questioned my questioning you. And most recently my asking your wife why she was up here at midnight, making a noise, and basically telling me to fuck off. Me asking questions is NOT the problem. You guys not answering my question in a forthright and honest manner and lying, omitting, avoiding or denying is the problem.

He then began his response by saying that what goes on between us, stays with us. We don’t like you talking with the other tenants and stirring things up. I said that the other tenants come to me and tell me things but they are too shit scared to confront you or your wife. I told him that I don’t keep secrets and I don’t hide the truth. If the problem is uncovered and the truth is honestly and openly expressed, then there is no longer a problem as it will be resolved. The problem only continues to be a problem as long as we try to deny and cover up that there is a problem.

If I were to say nothing or to agree with you even if I did it just to make you happy, then I’d be just like you, a person that lies, omits, avoid and denies telling the truth. What would make you happy is for me to obey you and agree with anything you say or do. My being real and honest is not what you want to hear, as you would like to have obedient tenants that are just grateful for what you give them, and do what you want without question, as having that power and control over others is what makes you and your wife happy.

He then suggested that I meet with him and his wife later to discuss the matter, but she was busy showing the room across the hall from me and wasn’t going to be free until early afternoon.

1:30 pm, I went downstairs and had a meeting with both, and the woman was adamant in getting rid of me, as no matter what I said, she avoided or denied answering my direct questions. In the end, the only thing that was resolved was that I would be out by Friday, August 31 (or before) if I found another place sooner. They also stated that if I left sooner, that they would reimburse me the number of days I had left to the end of the month if I paid the full month’s rent, and also return my $100.00 deposit. The landlord extended his hand and I accepted the offer.

Says 61 – Met a New Age woman from the internet

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July 06 I drove to Kitchener to meet a woman that I had met on an internet forum that suggested that we meet for coffee and a chat. It was the first time that I met another new age person on line that only lived ½ hour away from me. We met at a coffee shop and talked for about an hour and a half, and left with her giving me an invitation to go canoeing.

That was on Friday, but by Sunday, she had not only withdrawn the offer, but stated that she wanted nothing more to do with me. It seems that during our little coffee time chat, she had been activated by my story of communicating with demons, and saying that they are only around you when they think you are about to move out of being controlled by them. Otherwise, when you are a good sheeple, they leave you alone as you are following their orders nicely. In her emails to me she also accused me of being dark and unloving energy as I had channeled them. I replied that during our coffee chat, I made it clear that I didn’t seek to communicate with them, that they came to me. That when I felt their presence around me, I had a conversation with them and I also said that you can learn a lot from them if you are not in denial and ask them questions and FEEL what they are saying or not saying.

She didn’t say anything at the time of our coffee meeting (denial), but later, when she had time to re-live her activation and denials, she couldn’t face her fear of demons and blamed me as being aligned with the dark side and one that she never wanted to be associated with. Hence her fear was activated and her way of avoiding it was to avoid me. So what else is new?

Says 40 – Lost hopes, dreams, desires and innocence

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2012 April 9 Lost hopes, dreams and desires are directly related to experiences where you had the opportunity to fulfill those dreams and desires, but you were either denied having the experience, or you denied it yourself. As much as you now hope and long for another opportunity to re-live the experience as you would like to do things differently, it’s also futile, as that moment has passed and things have changed. It’s is impossible to even pretend and deny that the original experience never happened. Even knowing that you have a second chance, doesn’t make it the original experience, as you already have that imprint, program and belief, that it is a lost hope, dream and desire, that was put in place from the original denied experience.

With that realization comes the feelings of heartbreak, as well as anger and rage at yourself for being held back, or for holding yourself back. While these feelings and emotions are quick to surface, what is harder to reach and also the most important is your denied terror, and why you felt your terror was correct at that time, in denying the experience.

What brought this topic up was my remembering a few experiences in my early adolescence. While I was curious about girls and wanted to talk with them and be friends, I was also afraid that I was bad or that others would think that I was bad. The reason behind those thoughts was due in part to my religious upbringing and my mother, and secondly was the result of being bullied and not wanting to say or do anything that would give others a reason to attack me. This was my terror that I denied, and as such, I denied any experiences where I had the desire to do so.
Now, decades later, I wonder what would have happened if? If I had done that, if I had said that, and hundreds of other if’s. Guilt and shame were also involved in keeping me from the experiences I was curious about and desired. This is also associated with lost innocence, innocence that I denied, and now, lost youth, as I’m now decades older, and I can’t relive my youth….or at least, that is my present belief.

It’s interesting that I added that as an afterthought as that thought came from nowhere. So maybe there is a way to heal all this and to reclaim lost innocence and fulfill my lost hopes, dreams and desires.

As I’m writing this, I’m feeling over whelmed at all that I have lost. I have very few memories of my childhood, adolescence, teen and even adult life. Not like some people I know that can remember minute details and even the exact date. What I do remember mostly are things associated with lost hopes, dreams and desires. I’m realizing that I was either living in the past, heartbroken and angry over what I had experienced, or I was in terror of what was awaiting me in the future. As such, I had very little of my conscious presence fully in the present moment.

Says 34 – Letting go of the Old world and creating a new World

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2012 March 30 6:40 am I awoke and was thinking of all the things that are wrong in this world and I began to write a list.

Corrupt government, federal, provincial, and municipal
Religious beliefs and conflict
The wars and military spending
Pharmaceutical drugs and medical care
High gas, food, electrical and housing prices
High CATV, satellite, telephone, cell phone and internet prices
GMO foods and animals
Polluted land, water and air
Chemtrails and government cover-up
Big brother watching you
And the list goes on and on.

I then though, this is way too much to try to fix and that the only way we are going to change things is to let go of it and let it self destruct and then we’ll build a brand new world to rise out of the ashes like the fabled Phoenix. By self-destruct, I don’t mean that the World (Earth) should be destroyed, but that the SYSTEMS that are presently in a position of power be destroyed. When they are gone, along with those that support that system; those that remain can then begin the process of creating a New World with a new blue print of how reality can be when denials are ended.

Says 30 – Tourettes syndrome and the denial of terror

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I was watching a documentary on 20 / 20 about Tourettes syndrome  and I found it interesting that they said that the symptoms usually appeared in children around the ages of 5 – 9 and then carry on into adult life, although it decreased with age.  I watched as they followed a few children around their daily activities and saw how they functioned, as well as how the medical community was dealing with their symptoms that they acknowledged were stress related, for which they gleefully prescribed drugs as a treatment. The children not only had to deal with Tourettes, but also the drugs and their sides effects.  The doctors also suggested that the parents, who were stressed by the child’s outbreaks, should ignore any emotional displays and tantrums that the child exhibits. Even writing this pisses me off. I could just take the fucking doctors and psychiatrists and shake them until their heads fall off.  Ignorant and arrogant fuckers.

The attacks were usually activated by a loud noise, voice, crowd, or a physical touch. The activated person would then respond verbally, or physically, but not in a way that could be understood. By that I mean that they would either cough, bark like a dog, or make other animalistic sounds, or they would howl, tweet, shriek, or utter high pitched notes, snap their fingers,or they would cuss and swear as a form of verbal release. The other form of expression was a physical release (tics) where their body would momentarily freeze up and if it was mild, they would simply go into rolling or blinking their eyes a few times, or they would explode in a variety of convulsive type movements and gestures.  Some would exhibit the symptoms of OCD or ADHD and would repeat physical movements or habits for as long as they were being activated. Others would hit themselves or pull their hair as a form of self-punishment. Still others would express their denied rage by throwing a temper tantrum, or by flying into a verbal barrage of cuss and swear words and gestures aimed at those that they felt were attacking them..

As the documentary progressed I could feel  that it was their denied terror that was moving in the only way that it was allowed any expression in that moment.  Something happened to them as a  child that traumatized them and the only way they could feel safe to release the pressure of the emotions they were feeling was to ACT it out in a way that would not be understood and cause more trauma. Hence, whenever they would be activated by a similar experience to the one that traumatized them, they would go off into their non-sensible verbal and physical emotional expressions.

A few days later, I happened to be chatting with a guy in a facebook group on healing emotions. As he shared his form of emotional release, I immediately knew he had Tourettes. He was very defensive at first, but then admitted his issue and we got into a discussion. He stated that when he was terrified, that total panic would set in and that he would flip out, meaning that his Body would go off into all sorts of physical gymnastics and he would momentarily leave his Body. He said he felt a sense of relief and that it was so good to get out of his Body as what he was feeling was driving him crazy.  He also stated that he felt terror of having to go back, but not as much as he did before he gapped.  This was a man in his 30-40’s and while he said his symptoms were now a lot better than they were as a child, he was still faced with the possibility of flipping out at any time. When asked if he had traced his emotional trauma back to his childhood he became defensive again.  The only reason that Tourettes seems to disappear with age is that is just had years of denial and learned forms of avoiding the situations that triggered the re-action.

This is not the documentary I was watching, but a YouTube video on Tourettes…

Says 26 – The power of labels and our core “I am” beliefs

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I’m in a Facebook group where I’ve been having an exchange with a man that admits he is gay. As he defended his belief of his gender preference, I realized that he was no different than a person saying they were an alcoholic or a drug addict. While the man said, “I am gay” he totally missed the fact that he is a Spiritual Being having a physical experience which happens to be being in a sexual relationship with a man, which is labeled by society as the person being gay. Being gay is what he is experiencing; it is not what he is… BIG difference.

I also realized that any mental, emotional or physical affliction is the same as an addiction in that both carry the denied underlying causes related to their physical experiences. If people allow themselves to be identified by the LABELES that their Doctor, or society puts on them, then they will have resigned themselves to be defined by those limiting and crippling beliefs. They will unconsciously will live their lives in pain and misery until such time that they choose to let go of their label belief and decide to find the hidden cause, the unseen role of denial underpinning their experience.

Our fears are connected to our “I AM” core beliefs that limit us from being who we really are. Our fears are not bad or evil, but they have their origins rooted in real life traumatic unloving experiences were we fragmented a piece of our Essence out of our Being. While we are mentally unaware of the fragments that have been denied, we are aware of their presence by their magnetic draw to be accepted, yet we still deny them, or rather, deny dealing with the original cause that created the fragmentation and resultant programs and beliefs. It’s a double blind situation as we are unaware of what we are doing and what we need to do to resolve and heal the situation and therefore we ignorantly believe our denials as being the truth and the truth as being our denials.

The same goes for other beliefs like, I am not free, I am poor, homeless, unhappy, depressed, etc. All these are limiting “I AM” beliefs and as such, are locked into the CORE of our psyche, our BEING. Until they are cleared and released, it’s impossible to become our true “I AM” presence as these beliefs, and the denied feelings and emotions behind the experiences that led to these beliefs, are overriding our true essence and power.

Affirmations like, “I am happy, I am abundant. I am free,” etc., are just a forms of denial and role-playing that only serve to deepen the belief. As an example, simply saying “I am happy” when one is actually feeling sad is in blatant denial of our true feelings and emotions.

 

Says 17 – Past memories of dying

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2012 Feb 19 12:30 am Sunday, I just had a memory flashback of not wanting to die and how panicked my Mind was. It was in morbid terror, not wanting to die.  I don’t know where this feeling and image came from as I was just drifting off to sleep when I was startled by it.

A few seconds later I had flashed back to my childhood when my mother tried to drown me and how I felt free when my Spirit was out of my Body,  Hovering above my Body that lay still and motionless in a small bathtub, relieved that it (the hate) was finally over and that now I could have peace.

Then I flashed back to the night I was conceived and again the feelings of not wanting to be here, as there was no love.  Although they were married, my father was basically raping my mother. But this feeling of wanting to leave feels different than the previous one. It’s more like Heart feeling he didn’t want to be here as it was not the love and life he desired, or expected.

Humm, this is getting complicated.

Says 15 – Stopping the cycle of death and reincarnation

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February 18 7:15 AM So in order to stop the cycle of death and reincarnation, and to bring all the presently untapped physical senses into reality, Spirit (Mind) has to begin to not only accept what the Body, Will and Heart are feeling in the present moment, but to also feel what happened to them  in the past. Spirit needs to go where it has never gone before and experience what it thinks will kill it, to a place where Will/Body were abandoned and left to die. It’s Body (form) that holds the most denials as even the Will gradually has to leave it, not that she wanted to, but she had no choice.

Feb 18 1:10 PM Not that all of Heart left after Spirit left, as only the part of Heart that is Spirit polarized left, leaving the Will polarized part of Heart to die along with Body and Will. I just felt the heartbreak of both Spirit polarity Heart in having to leave the Body/Will, and the Will polarity of itself and how he felt he had no choice, and how Will polarity Heart, felt broken, betrayed, alone and a host of other feelings and emotions. Will polarity Heart was also trapped in a dying Body and quickly losing consciousness, meaning that the physical heart and circulatory system and blood were also dying, and in the process, cutting off possibility of physical life from the rest of the Body.

This is horrible! What a fucking heartbreaking waste!  I don’t know what else I can call it as there are just too many feelings and words to describe what I just felt. It’s all based on imprinting that goes back to the very beginning, to original Cause.

Before you can know what life is, you need to know what death is.

To know what love is, you need to know what is not love.

If any part of us is in denial of another part of ourselves, that part being denied is receiving death.  So how can we call what we are experiencing life, when a part of us is dying? Cutting off parts of us that are dying only means that we are losing more consciousness and essence. Eventually Spirit, that is electric in nature, also dies because without the Wills Magnetic essence there is no longer the compliment of forces necessary for Spirit/Will to co-exist. Without the Yin, there is no Yang.

Says 14 – Body carrying the (LOAD = Lies, Omission, Avoidance, Denial)

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February 18 6:25 AM I was thinking about death and how Spirit (Mind) has never experienced what our Body and Will have experienced. When a person dies, it’s the Spirit (life force) that leaves first, and then, within a few seconds, Heart (represented by our physical heart) stops and with that, there is no longer any flow of the life force to nourish the Body.

The Will, being magnetic in nature, doesn’t leave the Body immediately, nor does she want to as life is what she desires, but without Spirit presence, to animate Body with life, the Body cannot exist in the form it had. Without Spirit, the Will is slowly forced to leave the Body, and as she leaves, the parts of the Body begin to return to the original essence and elements that it was made from. One thing I need to mention is that just because Spirit and Heart have left the Body/Will, that doesn’t mean that the Body’s  and Will’s ability to feel and sense what is going on has stopped, as only Body’s ability to move and respond has ceased to function. It can still feel pain in all those parts that still have Will presence, it just can’t move and respond to them.

It’s like a person that is in a coma and while they are unable to communicate, they are totally aware of what is going on, they just can’t move their eyes, speak, or even move their finger to show they are alive and aware of their surroundings and the physical and emotional pain they are in. A person in a coma still has some part of their Spirit essence in their Body as it hasn’t totally decided to leave, yet. It has lifted most of it’s essence and consciousness, except for what is needed to keep the body/Will alive.  Heart presence is still in the Body to maintain the flow of life essence. Left unattended, the person would be unable to feed or care for themselves and unless Spirit chose to return, a slow and agonizing dying process would follow until such time that Spirit did leave and Body/Will would feel abandoned, unloved, rejected, and heartbroken.

I just felt and realized that while Spirit has never experienced what Body and Will have, that there is a part of Heart essence that has remained and experienced an aspect of dying. Although this part of Heart has momentarily remained, it has only experienced Spirit leaving and only the very beginning of the emotional and physical pain that the Will and Body was feeling, as when it felt its terror of death, it was quick to follow Spirit. Spirits terror is to experience dying and death, as life is what it is, and Heart has similar issues. When Spirit (Mind) says that death is nothing, it is only nothing to Spirit because Spirit has never experienced it, so there was NO THING to experience.

Humm? This relates back to the beginning of how Spirit is in terror of losing any part of the Body’s FULL sensations, especially sight, and sound, as then it is in the dark, the unknown, and left to the remaining senses, of touch, taste and smell, feeling crippled and powerless.

Loss of the physical senses and the body’s physical abilities of its youth terrify the Spirit and is in part, the cause of aging, as Spirit tries to deny what has happened to Body as a result of the experiences it, and the Will have had to endure without the acceptance and help from Spirit. All the times when Spirit/Will/Body/Heart were confronted with traumatic experiences, Spirit did what it thought it needed to do in order to survive, by cutting off and denying the parts of itself, it’s Will, (feelings and emotions) as well as Body sensations.  It’s all these denials, (denied reversed energy) that the body is forced to hold and carry. It’s the LOAD (Lies, Omission, Avoidance, Denial)  that gradually weighs down the Body, causing it to move and react slower and not heal like it once did , and to also diminish its senses.  That’s when Spirit begins to become aware of the things it doesn’t like about the Body, which only adds to the denials that the Body is forced to hold, thus accelerating the process of illness and aging.

Note: In looking for an autopsy picture to use on my blog post I happened upon this picture and then followed it to the main website.  If you want to see and feel what a medical team does to a Body that is still alive, but can’t move, then visit this site.

I must warn you, the pictures are very graphic and disturbing.

Says 13 – The Body and its five senses

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2012 Feb 17 The Bodies sensations of sight, sound, taste, touch and smell are very much like the Will, in that they can differentiate between what is pleasant and what is not pleasant, loving and unloving. This is most evident with the senses of taste, touch and smell, as the Mind has formed judgments that override the input of sight and sound, with sight being the most overridden, as in the expression, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” This overriding of our Will, and Body is what is learned through our experiences.

Before I wrote the above paragraph, I was thinking of my hearing problem, and how I had difficulty hearing my brother last night when he came to visit me. I thought how strange and empty my world would be without sound and the ability to hear all the sounds I presently hear. I then closed my eyes and thought of all the objects, shapes, colors that would disappear if I also lost my sight, and how helpless I would be trying to make our my around and function.

All five of our senses have special properties that allow us to experience reality in different ways, and to lose even one would have a profound effect on our lives. For me, the senses I most value, in order of importance would be sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. I feel there are even more physical senses that we possess, it’s just that we don’t know how, or we can’t use them at the present moment. I feel they are much like how we can use technology to expand our awareness, but we would not need technology to experience them, as we would be able to have these abilities naturally.