This is just another New Age part-truth that I have come across. While it is true that others will be attracted to the frequency you are vibrating, what most are attracted to are judgments and denials that resonate with theirs. Start vibrating truth (unconditional love) and see how many friends you have, or people that want to be near you. You will be a beacon… but they will be avoiding you, and not one that they want to tune in to.
I don’t know what it is, but at the beginning of February I got the strong feeling that something major was about to happen on 2017 Feb. 17. I don’t know if it’s personal or on a global level, but whatever it is, it was with me constantly for several days. Now that the date is getting closer, it’s back in my mind again. I’ll just have to wait and see what it’s all about. If any of you reading this have any feelings about this date, please post a comment.
This post is in reference to what I am becoming aware of as I’m becoming more physically active. My mind finds it confusing when my Body disagrees with what the Mind thinks it should do physically, but I am learning to trust my Body that it knows what it needs and how it needs any physical activity. Some days my Body wants both exercise and the walk, and other days it’s either or, and some days, like today, it’s neither, a day of rest.
Our physical Body (matter) is really a form of energy, of frequency and vibration that manifests as our dense physical Body with which we experience our reality. While the body can heal itself, it needs the Mind (Spirit) to help it, to have the intent to help the body heal itself, and to do what it needs to do to fulfill that desire. Like the Will (Soul) the Body is at the mercy of the Mind (Spirit) which can override any information it receives and controls both these aspects of its Being. It’s the Mind that sets in motion what the Will and Body can do and express. Yes, there are automatic functions that the Body does without apparent direction from the Mind, but in reality, the Mind is also in control of these on a sub-conscious level.
If the Mind wants the Body to do something against its will, the Body is forced to OBEY the Mind until such point that the Body is unable to physically do what the Mind demands and is either exhausted, injured, sick, or even at the point of dying. The Mind has been programmed, or it has programmed itself to be MASTER of its Will (Soul) and Body and so it finds it confusing and difficult to think, to reason, to fathom and consider that what it believes to be the truth and loving – isn’t. And if it accepts that it isn’t, then how does it change its programming, imprints and beliefs? It’s not good enough to simply recite some positive affirmations as the Mind needs to have the intent to be aware of when it is overpowering the Body’s information, and then it needs to choose to listen and accept what the Body is telling it what it wants and can do. In other words, it needs to be self aware that it is running on old imprints, programs and beliefs, and then choose to experience a different reality before it can really begin to let the old programming go, and to allow the Body to begin its healing process.
I’ve been going to the walk, jog, run track for almost 2 months and I’ve gradually worked my way up to a 6 km walk in just under an hour. It feels good to be able to walk without having to watch where you step, or adjust to different inclines. It’s all smooth going and your only concerns are the turns and the people traffic. While it feels good to be able to walk at a good pace, I find that I still can’t jog or run as even this cushioned track jolts my head and brain and I have to go back to walking. The reason I would like to run is to get my cardio going, as I haven’t done any cardio since my accident over two years ago.
While doing my walk, I observed the variety of people using it; from people using walkers, cane or another person for support, to healthy and fit runners. There are also all body types, male and female, and all ages including those that are mentally and physically handicapped; all taking “the walk of life.” It’s part of their “journey” like it is mine. Each has their personal experiences and reasons for being there, and their story to tell.
It’s interesting as after the recent realizations and looking back on my life, I seriously doubt that my ex-wife was what the medical establishment classified as bi-polar disorder, whose classic definition is a series of “emotional” ups and downs, as when they get what they want, they’re happy and when they don’t, they’re sad.
I feel that we both suffered from childhood abuse or neglect, but we learned opposite techniques to try to solve our issues. She, being an only child, she was spoiled (imprinted and programmed) to act out so that she could get the superficial quick fix attention she desired to make her happy. My imprint and program was to do what I could to make others happy, as when they were happy, I was happy in that they weren’t attacking and blaming me. I now feel she is more of a Narcissist or having what they now LABEL as having NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Saying that doesn’t mean that I approve or agree with the so-called medical establishment and their diagnosis and clinical solution for a person suffering with any of their labels.
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A person with NDP is narcissistic personality disorder has the following characteristic traits:
Sure, everyone has their days when they feel fine, and others days that are not so good, and still others that are just bad, but that doesn’t mean we are helpless to overcome these experiences, maybe not in the moment, but when we are ready, and that may take years. Many look for a quick fix with drugs (including prescription) alcohol, smoking, sex, exercise, work, partying, food, hobbies, pets, music, reading, TV, shopping, cleaning, etc., etc. It took me years to finally not only get to the root cause of some of my emotional issues and problems, but also learn how to heal them.
I’m not going to go into all the details that played themselves out over the past few months suffice to say that they all came to a head within three days. What became clear was that she was not as helpless as she pretended to be, and that a lot of her lies, secrets, avoidance, omissions and denials were exposed for what they were. She was not only playing me, but my son and daughter, her friends and even acquaintances on the internet. She was acting out the “oh poor me” and using whoever and whatever she could to get attention, even if it was negative, it was still attention. She is a self-centered self-absorbed Narcissist and an energy vampire. Her house of cards is crumbling and her reality is quickly changing. As I now see it, she has two choices;
It will be interesting to see what develops in the coming months now that her little game has blown up in her face.
Attachments that are OBVIOUS are easy to spot and release, but it’s the little issues that you don’t see that still form the attachment. In uncovering my attachments and ending my denials, I realized that as we were still on a friendly basis and since she is what is considered bi-polar, and has other illnesses, (judgments and attachments) and so I silently (in denial) put up with her blatant lies and denials, saying that is just the way she is, and instead, focused on trying to help her and find the good in her.
Not challenging her blatant denial, lies, omission and avoidance, as in not wanting to upset her, I was in denial and unconsciously allowed her to use those against me. The sick “twist” in all this is that at times she really needed help, but other times it was just a game and she was acting the “oh poor me” to get whatever power she could by knowing she was controlling the another being. The more I allowed, the more she used them against me in the form of getting me to do things for her that affected my time, energy and money, to the point that this past weekend, I saw exactly what she was doing and what I was allowing her to do, via the unseen role of denial, judgments and attachments. When I called her out on her denials and lies, and stated that I was finished helping her and empowering her “oh poor me” reality, our attachments were broken and I was free, while she was left to deal with her denials in your own way and to take, or not take, responsibility for her well being.
The unseen role of denial that I didn’t see with my ex-wife’s scenario was that in my Spirit (mind) and the Spirit polarity aspect of my Heart, that defines love by words and deeds and not by how it feels, thought that I was being kind, caring, sharing, considerate, compassionate, etc., etc., for those that I judged to be less fortunate. That “less fortunate” judgment (that I now release) has an unloving aspect to it that of a false sense of pride, in that it silently and smugly deems me to be superior or better than, or in a better position than another. The opposite side of my outer judgments says that if I have judgments of being better than others, I must also have the judgment on self that I’m not as fortunate as good as some other people.
So the realization was that this doesn’t just apply to my ex-wife, but to everyone that I’m in contact with. The subtle judgments, the false pride, the trying to be nice, even to an asshole because he/she is drunk or on drugs or whatever, are all things that I need to release to really empower myself on all levels. How this played out in my outer reality was that my ex-wife was ACTING like she needed help and asking for it, either directly or indirectly. These weren’t an “in the moment” type situations or experiences of helping another that you could see and feel were in need of help, but on an attachment and judgment level based on past experiences and old imprints, programs and beliefs of what the person appeared to be going through and needing help with.
While this may seem like it’s not a big deal, I assure you it is, as guilt and shame are constantly at me, trying to get me to reverse my position, to be responsible and be the “nice” guy again. Like I said, this isn’t just about my ex-wife, but how I respond to all that I come in contact with. It’s a new way of seeing that just because someone looks like they are the victim and in need of help, doesn’t mean that they are. They just play the “Oh poor me” game from another angle and don’t be fooled, it is effective. Besides the Oh poor me, the other major game players in the energy sucking power game are the intimidator, the interrogator, and the aloft. Some are quite good at using two or more power plays to get what they want and will flip back and forth at easy. Recognizing them is the first step at ending their control over you. . It’s been a while since I read it, but I think these are outlined in the book, “Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield.
While we were married for 20 years, and divorced now for almost 27 years, I’ve managed to remain on friendly terms with my ex-wife. While I’ve been aware of her blatant lies and denials, I didn’t realize that I had unconsciously programmed myself and made exceptions for her behavior. In doing so, I had also given her power and control over me. Interestingly enough, these programs were not made after our divorce, but during our marriage. Since we weren’t in each others lives for years, I thought nothing of it, as most of my dealings with her were more of a handyman nature, doing things I knew she couldn’t do around her house or apartment. That was until recently, with her health declining, her calls for help were more personal in nature.
During our marriage, she had been diagnosed with postpartum depression and then later as being bi-polar. Not understanding the causes and naively believing medical doctors, I molded my life around trying to make her happy and to understand what was going on with her different moods. One of her favorite lines was, “You don’t understand.” I didn’t realize it until now, but it’s a phrase to make me doubt what I was seeing, hearing and feeling, and to fall for the story she was giving me. Her next favorite line was, “You don’t care,” which is an invitation for guilt and shame to attack me.
Recently I was feeling more and more under pressure and I noticed that she was a master at manipulating and twisting facts to get what she wanted. Giving me the, “oh poor me” speech, whether it was about her bi-polar condition, meds, back, shoulder or arm pain, diabetes, weight, money issues, living conditions or whatever she found to bitch about that was not to her liking. If I asked questions or contradicted her, all I got back was, “You don’t understand, you never understood.” I realized that she was not taking responsibility for her well being and her personal experiences, but expected other to either make them right, to help her in her time of need.
What part of my issues were that allowed me to get sucked into this “game” was that even though she had all these issues, I was still the eternal optimist, full of false hope, looking for the best in people and hoping that they will change. I was also programmed to deny my true expression in favor of making another happy. I thought I had dealt with this a few years back during my healing experiences, but this was on a new level.
A life based on lies, omission, avoidance and denial is really very fragile, like a pyramid build of a deck of playing cards. All it takes is for the bottom foundation on which the rest is balanced to be removed and the whole thing comes tumbling down. When the truth is revealed there is nothing to support the rest, and they too fall.
Until the truth is finally recognized and revealed, not by the person doing the lying and denying, but the one that is the unwitting object of the deceit. While blatant and obvious denials can be spotted in others, it’s the unseen role that denial plays in the self that is the key issue. To empower yourself, you need to not only see the denial in others, but also your part in it. In the next few posts, I’ll be sharing a person experience that I had the past weekend.
I can’t believe how fast this month is flying by. Back in December I mentioned that I had joined a walk, jog and run club. I’ve been going to it 4-5 times a week and in a little over a month, I’ve worked my way up to walking 5km (~3miles) and it feels good. It’s nice walking on a smooth padded surface without having to worry where I’m stepping and jarring my body that then affects my brain and headache that was the result of a MVA and a concussion I had a couple of years ago. I guess that will just take time to heal, but being able to walk, and get some exercise without adding to my issues is a bonus.
I took the weekend of the 13th – 15th off from the track, and on Monday, I woke up in the middle of the night with a cold, the first I’ve had in a long time and it really put me under for a three days and I’m just now beginning to feel alive again and getting my energy back. I’m going to drop back to 4km, then, if I feel like it without pushing myself, I’ll try to get back to my 5 km., later this coming week. The exercise I mentioned in my previous post Says 245 is also helping my neck and shoulder issues as I can feel a shift. I’ve found that the first few days after a series of stretching exercises, there is added pain and my mobility is also more limited, but then it slowly shifts to less pain and more mobility. I’m feeling my neck crack in ways it never has. There is still a long way to go, but there is movement and hope.
A couple of weeks ago, as I was waking up and feeling my neck and right shoulder achy and sore, I had a realization. Since my car accident back in December of 2014, I’ve been having issues with my neck and right shoulder / arm. Physiotherapy was of no help, in fact it caused more damage. Since then, I’ve searched the internet for exercises and stretches that would help, but none have worked, or if they did, it was only temporary.
What I realized is that they all require you to contract some muscles while trying to stretch others and that doesn’t work as you are working against yourself. Routines like holding a strap tied to a fixed object and then trying to stretch the arm with the same hand and arm doesn’t work as one set of muscles is holding the strap, while the others are stretching. The thing is that they are all muscles are interconnected and go into the shoulder, upper back, and neck that then creates tension and pain and makes matters worse.
What I found was to clasp my hands together, inter locking my fingers, and then grabbing my knees and letting my leg exert pressure to stretch my arm, shoulder and neck. BINGO .! It works. All the muscles in my arm, shoulder and neck are relaxed and when I begin to push out with my knee, I can feel the stretch in all those parts. I can control the tension with my knee and I can also control the rotation to the sides, using either my right or left knee to do the stretching.
While my arm, shoulder and neck are sorer than before the stretch, I can feel and hear my neck vertebra cracking more than before, while at the same time I feel I have more mobility and can move my head easier with less pain. I feel it’s now stretching the knots and scar tissue that has formed in the muscles and ligaments during the past two years. Yesterday, I saw my chiropractor and told him about my findings, and he noticed an improvement since the last time I saw him before Christmas.
This picture is actually of a guy pulling his leg toward his chest. It was the only one I could find where he had his fingers interlocked over his knee. So in my case, instead of pulling the knee with my arms, I use my leg to pull my arms, shoulders and neck muscles.
I feel that people have a misguided sense, or use of the word awakening… or maybe I just look at it a different way. I feel that what people are presently going through is what I call a “quickening,” an acceleration process in recognizing what is not life, or contributing to life. Denials are being exposed and the truth revealed, but that doesn’t mean that people are awaking to end their own denials and begin to live life, and not the illusion as has been the case.
People get caught up in the New Age mumbo jumbo and hype, and talk of awakening and ascension, not unlike a born again Christian that claims to be “saved,” and yet they are oblivious to what truth, love and life are. They are still disconnected from recognizing the Divine aspects of their Physical Being, or how denial of these are being reflected in their experiences and reality. Yes, their consciousness is stirring, but by no means are they wake as they claim to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being fully awakened, but I have done a lot of personal inner work and healing on ending my denials that is being reflected in my outer reality. What I see people going through is what I went through years ago, “Been there done that.” While they are becoming aware of the issues in their OUTER reality, or the blatant lies and denials of others, they are still oblivious as to how to heal their personal inner issues by recognizing and choosing to end their denials. They wear masks to hide the truth and act the role that their altered ego ignorantly believes will make them happy.
“If I were the Devil” ~ A prophetic essay written and recorded by radio commentator Paul Harvey in 1965.https://www.facebook.com/IndependentStream/videos/131619900596272/
I don’t know what happened, but I’ve lost a few posts. I’m updating the ones I have copies of – others are just lost.
This video clip reminds me of how government, religion and the media work. What they show is how they would like you to perceive the event…. The last part of the clip shows what is really going on.. If you just believe what you are shown and told, you will never know the truth..
Of course all the followers (sheeple) would cheer and clap and would deny anything that didn’t portray their leader in a favorable “god like” light. Perception is a commodity and can be used to manipulate, persuade and control people that buy into the presented reality.
Things have been kind-of slow the past few days in that I feel I’m in an in-between phase. I had a Chiropractic treatment on Friday, Dec. 09 and the next one won’t be until Dec. 30. I’m phasing out my external help, and focusing on listening to my body and what it wants, although I still find myself falling back into my old routines.
On Friday I also joined a local Walk, Jog and Run Club that is part of a local Soccer Club. It has an upper level that overlooks the indoor soccer pitches that has a three lane track. I signed up for a four month unlimited membership that is open 7 days a week from7:00 am to 11:00 pm. The track is basically a 220 yard oval, I tried it out and did a 1k walk. I decided to do 1Km for three times, and then up by .5km in sets of 3 until I reached 5km. I might decide to add a jog or run, if I find that my head doesn’t hurt, but in the mean time, it’s just as brisk a walk as I feel comfortable doing which I feel is about 4mph (6.5km/hour) It’s nice being able to walk without having to watch where you are stepping, or to worry about traffic. When I went today, walking and focusing on my stride reminded me of my teen years and marching in the Air Cadets or Militia
Dec. 05 – 6:10 pm – I just did a meditation and again it was Heart speaking to Spirit (Mind) and how Mind and it’s altered ego controls the body to do what it wants out of false pride and vanity, and stubbornness to admit defeat and not be ashamed and ridiculed. I wish I had written this all down right after the meditation as now most of it is gone from my memory. I know that Spirit also answered and asked for help in letting of its imprints, programs and beliefs that control it, and in turn, control the Will, Body and Heart. That it wants to know what it needs to see and feel in order to heal all aspects of self.
Body also spoke, telling Mind where it had pain. That there was pain in the head, neck, shoulder, back, lower back and legs and that Mind was to also look at the aneurysm, prostate and sex drive issues. My Body was doing some major movement during these dialogues.
I also flashed back to the contest between the light and dark Wizards and how I was stuck in dense matter, in the Amethyst Crystal and that I couldn’t get myself out. At the time, I blamed Form (Body) but I realize it was my expectations and my false pride and denials that dis-empowered me and allowed me to become stuck, and where I lost a good part of my Essence.
As I was typing and editing this for my Blog I realized that I was imprinted and programmed by my mother and father to “Make them proud.” With that program, I had to do everything in my power to not disappoint them, and to make them ashamed of me. That’s heartbreaking and I feel it in this moment.. What a burden to put on a child that is just starting school and doesn’t know how to speak the language, or even have a clue as to what school was about and what was expected of me. Everything negative that happened to me, I tried my best to deny and not show it, as I didn’t want to disappoint them. Self sacrifice and a false pride to maintain an image that I felt was acceptable. Sadly, that program carried on throughout my life affecting not only my feelings and emotions, but my body as well, as it too had to be strong, even when it wasn’t. And that is what I’m now in the process of uncovering and healing..
2016 Dec.03 – Today is the second anniversary since my car accident. I just realized that for the past year, ever since I had the unexpected heater and electrical issues with my Hyundai Santa Fe, that my MIND has been looking at used vehicles on Kijiji. I just realized that my Mind is doing the same thing to my Body. Both have issues that are triggering the Minds (Spirit) imprints, programs and beliefs, that they are falling apart, dying, and that it’s time to get rid of them rather than work on fixing the issues. It’s so subtle how things are inter-related, yet the Mind isn’t consciously aware of what it is doing and why.
As I was making my way to the bathroom, I realized that my Mind was thinking of yet another quick fix, of seeing another alternative medicine facilitator that he had heard was good at stretching and manipulating the neck. Again, the Mind is looking for outside help instead of seeing what his CAUSAL role is with the damage to the neck and to allow the Body to heal itself naturally.
Dec 01 3:35 pm – I began what I thought would be a meditation and suddenly became aware that my Heart was talking to my Spirit (Mind). I’m writing this after the fact as I didn’t want to disrupt the dialogue. Heart was asking it to stop running and busying itself with things that didn’t matter and to do what it says it wants to do, that of healing the Body and Will and that every time the real issues are brought up, it runs and distracts itself.
What Spirit is afraid of is DEATH and so a weak, ill and hurting Body is a sign that death is near and as Spirit has never experienced death as the Will (Soul) and Body have, it is terrified to even try to understand what is happening and why, and how its denials of the Will and Body have been causal and have created the illness, injury and aging and the slow decent toward death.
It’s time that Spirit honor its INTENT to heal the Will and Body and to see and feel what it has never seen and felt because it was afraid it would not survive if it did. But now, if it doesn’t, there is a good chance that it will just keep repeating the cycle of reincarnation.
Hearts message was that it is also time to heal all aspects of our Being, Will, Body, Heart and Spirit that has also lost Essence, power, gifts and talents. That it is now time to accept all things that Spirit has feared, rejected, denied and cut off from its love and light. All lost parts of the Will are scattered and held in the Body. That where Spirit and Spirit Heart had judgments on the Will and Body, that there are either only partial connections there or none at all and only Heartlessness and indifference. There was no bonding and so there isn’t any love or life in these areas, only unlovingness and mistrust.
I can’t remember all that was said as I just went with the flow and was feeling and expressing any emotions that were coming up. But afterwards, I did feel a shift in energy, now how it plays out will need to be seen and felt.
Fears are what the Mind (Spirit) tries to turn a blind eye to, that it tries to deny as it doesn’t want to deal with them. Part of the reason is that it fears its very survival depends on not re-creating the experience. Fear is rooted in past experiences and projected into the future, and holds the Mind in a state of constant alert, vigilant and fearful of the unknown. The Mind, in a state of fear, is not living in the present “now” moment, but either in the past or the future.
While not a fear, but just as damaging are the Minds desires that are either reenactments of pleasant past experiences, or expectations and projections of future experiences. This includes any number of scenarios, including past pleasant physical or sexual experiences that the Mind would like to re-create. Included in this are regrets and lost opportunities where there was the desire to experience something new, but it was denied and suppressed for any number of reasons, and are now being fantasized and played out in the Mind with re-enactments of what it could be like. In both cases, the Mind is preoccupied with either living in the past or the future, and also misses living in the present “NOW” moment where its true power is, along with the power to manifest its desires.
It’s ironic in that both the fear of the past that is projected into the future, and the desire to re-live the past are what keeps the Mind (Spirit) locked in a constant struggle to control and change its outer reality, oblivious that its power lies in the present moment. Trying to live in the past or future means that one is projecting part of their Essence to that space and time, and in doing so, they are not fully present in the now moment. They live in the present moment with only a fraction of their true Essence and so it is no wonder that they are confused and bewildered as to why they are on this not-so-merry-go-round called life.
I was chatting with a friend yesterday and she said that I needed to go into a meditation and see and release the blockage, the kink on a nerve in my spinal column that is affecting my neck, shoulders, back and legs. I did a meditation in the afternoon and tried to access my neck and the pinched nerve but I feel I didn’t get there.
Later that morning I meditated again and I didn’t feel I succeeded as I wanted to see what was wrong and heal it like I did for a woman years ago. That time, I experienced myself as a infinitesimally small speck of light. I saw the cells in her body that were as big as apartment buildings and I could easily move between them like a person would. I saw her spinal cord damaged and some fine strands were emitting bright coloured lights. The strands on the other side of the break had the same colour hue, but were dull and pale. It reminded me of a fiber optic cable. I knew I had to rejoin then, so just using my mind; I matched colours and rejoined then, and then looked for the reason they had been cut and found a bone spur that I simply dissolved. I then scanned her body and found a green blob like growth that I also dissolved. I scanned her body again and found nothing so I returned to my body. With that, I came out of my meditation. Hummmmm? Maybe my issues in healing my body are EXPECTATION.
Later that afternoon I had my fourth craniosacral therapy session. This session was different that all the rest. While I had a few body twitches and spasms, they were mild compared to what I have been experiencing. And overall it was quite peaceful.
Before the session, I told my therapist of my friends advice and said that I would like to use this session to try and access and heal my damaged discs and nerves and she agreed. Early in the session I tried to meditate and do the healing as to how my Mind thought it should be done. I then realized that I did have EXPECTATION and so I stated out loud that I release my expectations on how healing should be and to just allow it to be. I took a deep breath and relaxed.
As I relaxed, I felt an energy move into the room and I told my therapist what I was picking up. A moment later I told her it was my guides and that this was all a lesson to see what doesn’t work. To get the Mind to try the things that it believes should work or that others have told the Mind works, and that everything it thinks and believes should work, is not working because it is wrong. I chuckled as I heard my guide say, It’s only taken you two years to figure that out.” I told my therapist that and she laughed too.
“Doctors had given Anita Moorjani just hours to live when she arrived at the hospital in a coma on the morning of February 2nd, 2006…”
This is a good video watch to expand your mind… (Video at bottom of page) She gives an interesting metaphor, and also gives an example.. She also shares the five most important things you can do with your life, although she misses out on how you can free your mind from the imprints, programs and beliefs to enable you to do that, as your FEARS are what your mind doesn’t want to deal with. Notice that she doesn’t once mention RELIGION.
I had my 3rd craniosacral therapy on Wednesday Nov 23, and before we started, I briefly told her about my experiences that I shared in Post Says 230. I also showed her my three books (in print) and briefly described what each was about. I told her I was taking all these sessions seriously and that the results would be in the book following my next one which will be called, “The Empaths Dilemma.”
When she was working on me, I was running more energy than before, but also in a different way, similar, yet different. Near the end, she had her hands on my head and I felt how I have purposely I denied my body. Keeping it under control so as to not be too good at anything physical, not run too fast, jump too far or high, catch a ball, throw a ball, ride a bike, play a game or sport. I had to limit myself so that others would not be upset and unhappy with me, or not allow me to play.
I flashed to the first day of school. Not being able to speak or understand English, I was in a living hell. I remembered my father telling me that I would be OK, if I listened and did as the other kids did, to learn to be like them. I realized that imprinted and programmed me and set me up to be a victim for most of my life.
I ended the session by formally releasing and giving back all the energy I took in from others and sent it back to whom it belonged to, or that it be moved to its right place. I also took back any energy others took from me or that I gave them, and also gave back any energy that I took from others or that they gave me. I asked that the polarity of all my energy that attacked and controlled my Body and Emotions be reversed, and that it realign with my true Essence.
I was a bit disoriented after the session and made an appointment for another one next week. I look forward to what this will bring up in me in the days to come.
This imprinted and programed dog video clip just shows you how powerful your Minds imprints and programs and beliefs are. Things can only be done one way and they can NOT change.. Politics, religion, food, medicine, or whatever you have been programed to believe is the TRUTH…. that is what is RUNNING your mind and body.. And no matter what anyone else says or does… you refuse to believe them and see a new truth….. And the more dumbed down you get, the more you are unable to change..
It’s interesting that this Meme came up on my Facebook page as I’m presently working on healing my Body. I don’t mean heal in the present social mindset, I mean heal on all levels. What I’ve discovered before in healing my emotions, was that what we deny, basically begins to die. Now I’m finding out that we do the same with our Body.
When our Body is sick or injured, we THINK we are helping our body by giving it medicine or whatever: However this is what the MIND believes (imprints, programs and beliefs) will FIX the Body and get it back to doing what the Mind wants it to do, so that the Mind can be happy. Illness and injury is the Body’s way of trying to tell the Mind that something is wrong that the Mind needs to look at. When the Mind denies the Body’s needs, the Mind does the same thing to the Body that it does with the Emotions, KILL it.. and so the Body slowly dies, and with it, a part of our Spiritual Essence is lost.
I spent more than two hours (in the middle of the night) writing 11 1/2 pages in my journal. I’m posting it in its entirety as I want you to see how the thought/feeling process unfolded and how I gained realizations as to how to heal my Body. The story begins with a recount Saturday afternoon experiences that triggered the middle of the night writings. Sorry that it’s kind of long. I was going to break this down into two or three segments, but felt it would fragment the flow of acquiring this realization.
2016 November 19 Saturday 2:30 pm – I had gone to the farmers market and while there I got a pain behind my right shoulder blade and spine that ran up to my neck. It was especially painful and felt like a knot or kink, but I don’t know what caused it. Another thing is that my right hip was also sore and hurting.
I lay down to have a brief nap and reflect on my shoulder and I got that it’s involved with a car accident, and more. I flashed to seeing the woman in her SUV going through the intersection and I slammed on the brakes. On impact, my right leg was pressing on the brake pedal and that resulted in my right hip not moving forward like my left one as my left leg was not braced in the same way. This, and the fact that I was thrown into the driver’s door helped to twist my hip. In a similar fashion, my right and left arm were braced for impact and the jarring impact, followed by the twisting action of being hurled into the driver’s door twisted my right shoulder neck and spine.
But, there’s more. While all this was going on, my mind was thinking of survival and denied any emotional and physical expression except those that supported its survival mentality, like focusing on things that were OK, with little consideration or recognition of the real pain in the body that was numb and in shock, and unable to express itself as it needed to. It was only hours and days after the accident when the shock wore off that my mind became aware of the damage that had been inflicted on my Body, and even then, it was only related to the pain that the body was feeling at the time, that the Mind didn’t want to feel, and not what actually happened to the body, or what help the body needed to allow it to heal itself.
I got up and did two exercises from the Rudolph Stone Polarity Therapy book, chart 63 and 64, and my shoulders and lower back feel a bit better. I still feel a pinched nerve in my left shoulder but overall, I’m not in the pain I was in before.
So now the question is how do I heal my physical body?, When I was working on healing my emotions, I would remember the traumatic experiences, and my Spirit (Mind) would allow my Soul [Will] to express everything that it never got to express during the original experiences, like heartbreak, terror, anger, rage, aloneness, unloved, betrayal, manipulated, etc. As I wrote that, I flashed to some of the healing experiences I witnessed when working with others, and while some of the previous mentioned emotions were involved, it was guilt and shame that were stored in the body, that negatively affected the physical body with aches, pains, and disabilities. Once they released the guilt and shame energy they had been holding, the body immediately responded with health and well being. So now the questions are; where does the body store any so-called negative feelings and emotions like heartbreak, betrayal, unloved, alone, etc., and how does one release them? Also, where and how does the body’s own feelings, emotions and pain get stored [trapped] in the body, and how does one release them?
November 20, Sunday 2:50 AM
2:50 am – As mentioned, I had a real pain in my back between my shoulder blades and into my neck yesterday. I just got up now to go to the bathroom, and my back felt a bit better. I also got the feeling that it’s associated with the betrayal and heartbreak of getting blindsided and stabbed in the back. Not expecting to be hurt that way from people I loved and trusted. Suddenly feeling flooded with pain, disbelief and shock, and heartbroken and betrayed and not knowing what to say in a moment as you are too numb to even respond and so you react and pretend [deny] that it’s not happening and that its normal, going to be OK, that it’s just a dream, that you were wrong, or that they did mean it and were just joking.
I just remembered a poem I wrote in my teens and early twenties, that I shared in my third book. The poem is titled, Temp/Anger, and it’s basically all about this issue. Wow! It’s all about SURVIVAL, and how I have taken in unloving energy and have been holding it in my spine, my chakras, and other parts of my body.
3:10 am – I just had a brief flutter of heartbreak but it came and went just as fast, but at least it moved.
I just flashed different [unexpected and unpleasant] experiences that I’ve had, and also good experiences, where I deliberately shot myself down for fear of getting hurt again, so it’s a better that I ended as it will hurt less. This was mainly with relationships, especially female, where I’d either convinced myself they were not interested in me, or that they were too good for me, or that I wasn’t good enough for them. I flashed through my teenage years of feeling ashamed of not only me, but my parents as well for being poor. I didn’t want to have a girlfriend for fear of having her find out how poor we were.
Starting school was a big time shock for me. Besides the physical, mental and emotional abuse, I felt heartbreak and betrayed by my parents, teachers and peers. I also felt an overwhelming feeling of heartlessness being directed at me with no real way of not taking it in. In believing that what was happening to me was my fault, and also based on my religious indoctrination (RC) beliefs of TRUSTING PEOPLE, thinking that they were as loving as I was. Giving them the benefit of the doubt time and time again that I heard known, or convincing myself to wait and see what else they had the say that would clear up my doubts.
3:25 am – This seems like a repeat of what I went through in healing my Will, but yet it seems like on a different level, as the feelings and emotions are more like shadows, and not as strong and powerful like I had previously experience. Aha! – I just realized that while I was able to move my emotions that I had denied expression, I hadn’t moved all the unloving denial energy that I had taken in during and after those experiences. I hadn’t moved the feelings my Body had experienced. I denied myself even to the point of shutting down my physical talents and gifts so that I wouldn’t upset people, so that they would like and accept me.
I just felt more feelings of heartbreak that came and went again just as quickly.
I feel I’ve cut off and denied so much of myself, my innocence, that if I compare all my Essence when I incarnated to what I have left now, it’s like my physical body compared to my left hand. I’ve lost almost all of me, not lost, more like I can’t find. But yes, lost in that I denied and cut them off. Aha! I just realized that it’s more like this is how much unloving denial energy of others that my physical body is holding in these parts of me, energy that is not mine and is of reversed polarity.
It is my intent to move any and all unloving energy and Essence that is not mine from my body. From my physical, mental, emotional and etheric bodies and chakras, and to send it back to where it came from or to its right place, so that I can heal all aspects of me.
I just added that I want to transform my own reversed polarity unloving energy that is in the form of an attachment to people places and things. That while I had no conscious intent to harm or over-power, it still is unloving through the unseen role of denial and needs to be transformed. Connections yes, attachments no.
3:45 am – I was just thinking of how I hated my body for being small, weak, different, and unacceptable. I even remember going through a stage where I wanted to change my name, thinking that would change things. I hated my body for being sick, hurt, or injured as if it was my body’s fault for what it was experiencing and for not being able to do what I (my Mind) wanted it to do.
(Again I felt some emotions move briefly.)
I pushed my body even when it was sick or hurt to do what I felt I needed to do, which was to SURVIVE this fucking cruel world. Humph!!! I have to die to live and isn’t that fucked up?
(Now I’m feeling and expressing some anger and rage.)
Whoa! I just realized that I unconsciously kill my essence in order to do what I believe is needed to live. I cut off and deny parts of me that are hurt and wounded so that the rest of me can go on with this illusion called life. WTF! Now I feel numb. I’m in shock at that realization and how close I’ve come to almost having to leave my physical body and the Essence I’ve abandoned and denied, thereby giving Lucifer what he wants.
FUCK THAT! FUCK YOU LUCIFER! You’re not going to win.
I just flashed to the light and dark wizards duel and how I lost a major part of my Essence there. I intend to get those parts back also. I’m getting all parts of me that I’ve denied and lost in all time, and dimensions. I intend to recover all parts of my Being. I will not stop until every last part of me that is out there and being held by unloving light is back into my Essence. I will move any and all unloving light back to whom or where it belongs, to its right place. I no longer accept it in and upon me. I ask for help from Mother and Father and all my guides that are here to assist me to help me in whatever way is appropriate and serves my highest purpose, love, and light.
4:10 am – I just realized that taking medicine, pain relievers, and even chiropractic treatments and massage, etc., and even using heat and baths are unloving and controlling. While it APPEARS you are loving yourself, it is in reality [through the unseen role of denial] actually your mind trying to force the body not to be sick, weak, or in pain.
FUCK this is SUBTLE!
But the underlying intent is still unloving if it’s not what the Body is asking for, but what the Mind wants the Body to do so that it can do what it wants and be happy. It’s more unloving light that is actually the Mind that has been imprinted and program; that it is in control, that it is the master, that it knows what is best for all. I now recognize that it is my light that has reversed its polarity and has become unloving light and has been slowly killing me, although it was unconscious and unaware that it was doing so.
Aha! I realize that by denial, I’ve taken in, accepted; unloving light that has imprinted and programmed my Mind to control the rest of my Being. The more I denied, (what I believed was wrong with me) the more I changed from the loving light I was, to become what I am now. I thought my light was wrong and that this unloving light that I took in was right. That I needed to be like the others in order to live and be happy like them and that is totally FUCKED! My intent is to let go of any and all unloving imprints, programs, and beliefs that would have me reverse my lights polarity, from loving to unloving. I ask for help to become aware when I’m doing this so that I can end this action that has been slowly killing me, as what I desire is life and love.
4:30 am – Having to go to school to learn things so that you can get a job and earn money, to pay for things that enable you to survive for a few years, until you grow sick and old and are of no further use and die. This reality is forced upon us the day we are born. We grow old and these imprints, programs, and beliefs are what we take to the grave, or rather have been. I’m not buying that reality any longer and I let go of those imprints, programs and beliefs.
You force your Mind to control your emotions, and you force your Body to do the things it does not want to do so that the Mind can get what it believes is the power [money] to enable it to do what it thinks it needs and wants to be happy, and to also support the family with shelter, food, clothing, and the pleasures of this so called life. This reality is actually a hideous energy form sucking the life out of our loving Bodies through our denials and willingness to be like them, the “Otherkin,” those that do not belong in this universe and that need to be moved to the right place.
4:40 am – This is somewhat of a rehash of what I went through and know several years ago, but now it takes on a new feeling and meaning. I’m also beginning to feel a new life force rising in me, a new conviction and determination, and new purpose, or maybe it’s just a rekindling of an old flame that has been put aside to finish the books and that part of my journey. Whatever it is, I like it.
4:50 am – I asked my Body to show me what it needs to show me, to move any unloving light that it is holding and help me transform any reversed polarity parts of my light. I asked it also to show me any lost Will energy that it is holding and the unloving energy that is associated with it, so that I can recover lost Will Essence and move out unloving energy.
5:05 am -I closed my eyes and saw several dark forms moving before me. Lucifer, Baal, Melchizedek, and others, hovering over me, cussing and name calling, stating that I can’t do what I’m doing and that they are not through with me, that they will stop me. I smiled as that was what they were saying the last time I was close to a breakthrough. This time I rolled over and went to sleep, and woke up at 9:15 am.
To understand what life is, you need to understand what Death is.
