It’s not really about what is being said, but what is not being said. I could give you a list of judgments and denials, but I feel it’s important that one should become aware of the hidden language within our words. – Food for thought – or not
I find it interesting that a few of the New Agers and RUOW people I know are turning toward organized religion. I don’t mean in an exploratory way, I mean getting right into the Christian saved and born again bible thumpers, or into Hinduism, Buddhism, or Muslim religions with a gung ho attitude that they’ve finally found their community, a sense of commonality, and their calling. I feel they were searching for a common thread that would unite them with other like minded / feeling people where everyone had a so-called “positive” attitude and supported one another. A community where they would feel loved, wanted, and protected, and not alone, unwanted, or in fear of being attacked. Once your Spirit is broken and you have given in to the outer reflection that you are powerless, your mind no longer challenges or searches for answers, but blindly accepts what it is told as the truth. You become part of the flock with herd mentality.
On the other hand, I’m also witnessing some friends and family members that were “born again,” saved, church going, praying, and gospel singing Christians that have lost their “faith” in their church (aka religion) and are trying to come to terms with that. I feel these people have a better chance of healing and empowering themselves, as now they are unsure of their beliefs about what love and life are all about and are willing to question what they previously called truth.
Overall, even if you are not a devoutly religious person, (including atheists and agnostics) there is this social “religious” mindset that while it may not be obvious, has a sinister undercurrent that dictates social morals and behavior. Until one is able to let go of their religious beliefs they will be controlled by them and will also try to control others around them, thus creating conflict. They try to solve the conflict by either changing the rules or adding new and improved ones hoping that it will create peace and that things in their life will change for the better. Besides letting go of one’s religious imprints, programs and beliefs, one needs to explore and let go of, or change the social imprints and programs that are embedded in their mind that unconsciously control one’s thoughts, words and deeds. Politics, government, education, media, police and the military are but a few major players that dictate social experience and reality.
I was watching the movie “King Arthur – Legend of the Sword,” and a comment by the present king piqued my interest. I can’t remember the exact words, but they were along the lines that he thrives on another’s fear; that even though they may hate him, it feeds him energy and power. Another comment was, “You have to break his old self completely, wear him down.”
Later, I thought about the comment and the people that feed off your fears and control you and have power over you, can only do so as long as you are denying the fear that they are activating. Say you have a fear (terror) of confrontation, then they will use whatever they can to activate your fear, be it mental, emotional, physical, or any combination thereof. Anything that threatens you; that you are afraid to face or challenge, will and can over-power and control you.
The other things people use to control and over-power you is guilt and shame. They make you think, feel, and believe that your words or actions are wrong and even hurtful to the one that is trying to control you. They are using your minds twisted beliefs of what love is, what is right and wrong, along with your false emotions that are aligned with your minds beliefs to get you to re-act in the way they want you to.
In order to activate you into your denied issues and fear (terror) as a means to control and over-power you, there are four basic tactics that others use. They are the intimidator, the interrogator, the “oh poor me,” and the aloft or withdrawn approach. If one tactic doesn’t work they will try another until they wear you down and break you, and you re-act in one of three different ways according to your imprinting and programming. You either fight, (that you can’t win) run, or you just give in to their demands to stop the conflict. In doing any of these you give them your power.
To follow or not to follow
It’s easy to say, but it’s also one of the most difficult things to do, as it goes against all your imprints and programs of wanting to fit in, to be accepted and loved and not be shunned, scorned and attacked for being different. Religion, politics, and customs and traditions are key elements that we feel forced to adhere to as best we can to minimize conflict.
We long for a community, for others that think, feel, and do as we do, where there is commonality. BUT in that, is also the death creating unseen role of denial as it locks you in to following the crowd, and not being the individual, the you that would deviate from the “normal,” as you fear to stand out and be noticed and shunned and rejected.
Another way to say it is that you are giving more energy to “denying” your fears, than in facing and healing them… So the reflection (reality) you create and experience are your denials and NOT your desires. Once you have truly faced and healed your fears (shadows) at the causal level, your outer reality also changes, and what was a fear and issue, no longer is.
Saying that is easy, doing it is quite another thing as it’s something that you have NEVER done before, or you wouldn’t be having the outer reflections you do. Ending your denial of a particular fear or issue also allows you to feel what unconditional love really feels like, and not what you presently believe it is based on some religious rhetoric.
Religion and politics (government) are the two major players that control your life through the social illusion that they have the “authority” to make rules, laws, and conditions that “others” must follow. They both control your physical life, mentally, emotionally and physically. The government controls your physical activities through laws, rules, taxes, etc., while religion has rules and conditions that you must adhere to ensure that when you physically die, that you will have a happy afterlife.
You are lead to believe that you must accept their “authority” over you, to unquestionably follow their instructions and have faith that “they” know what is good for you. If you don’t follow your various governments’ rules, conditions and orders, you will be harassed, intimated, incarcerated or even put to death. If you don’t follow your religions voice of “authority,” they would have you believe that your Soul and Spirit will be dammed in the afterlife.
I was thinking that the main issue in healing that Empaths have in empowering themselves is their religious beliefs. I was going to say that the second thing is seeing and knowing what denial is, but as I thought that, I knew it also related to their religious beliefs that had to do with love and what a loving person is. As long as you belief that denial (of self expression) is love, you are, as the saying goes, “Screwed, glued and tattooed.” Even if you are an atheist or agnostic, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have any religious beliefs, it’s just that your beliefs are opposed to organized religion. You were raised in a society where people had religious beliefs, customs and traditions, and your parents, and their parents and so on. All were imprinted and programmed with beliefs of what is loving or not, moral standards, and codes of behavior, etc.
The second thing that controls you is the various forms of government and their agencies. If you are not a so-called “conspiracy theorist,” then you aren’t even aware of the blatant social denials that are in politics and government, military, media, food, medical, big business, etc., etc. If you can’t see the obvious lies, denials, and deception going on in your outer reality, it’s even harder to begin to see your own lies and denials, and how you are deceiving yourself. It’s far easier to pick up on what others are, or are not saying or doing, than it is with yourself. It’s sad to think that over 95% of the population is so brainwashed and in denial that they can’t see the obvious and blatant lies and denials in their outer reality (religion and politics) that is controlling them. The irony is that in ending ones denials, one begins to break away from both these illusions that control us, and that we call natural, a way of life, and the way things are.
The other day I met a woman on Facebook that was in a group I was in. She liked my posts and comments and contacted me, and we chatted for over two hours. She’s an attractive 45 year old widow, with three grown children. She lives in the US; is an artist, musician, dancer, and was a child actor. She owns her own home and her father runs a new age church and her mother has her business.
We got talking about relationships and she made a comment that age doesn’t matter, and with the other comments and questions, and I got the feeling that she was interested in me. As we chatted, I noticed and felt shame coming up for me. Feeling that I wasn’t good enough, not talented, not popular, not good looking, no money, no home, too old and the list goes on and on.
These shame feelings and judgments that I was experiencing now were similar to the shame I had in my childhood. On top of that, I also remembered being shamed by my mother if a girl showed interest in me. I took her shame comments as having a girlfriend was a bad thing and that I was wrong and bad. This was also associated with my religious beliefs at the time that you had to honor your father and mother and they knew what was good for you.
The next day, I spoke with her again and thanked her for activating me into my shame and childhood memories, and that I was working on it. We chatted off and on, but we never got into any lengthy discussion.
Whenever I go shopping and am cashing out, I hear the same robotic message from the cashier as they greet the customers in front of me.
“Hi, How are you?”
The customer smiles and relies, “Fine, and you/”
The cashier says, “Fine. Nice day isn’t it” – or something to that effect.
This is how people set themselves up to carry on being in denial of how they really feel.. Sure, it’s a socially acceptable custom and tradition, but that doesn’t mean it is right, real, or loving. This is part and parcel of the unseen role of denial that literally sucks the life out of us.
The FINE picture is another aspect of the unseen role of denial, and how we unconsciously live our lives as a lie.
I continued reading my RUOW book, and when I turned the page, there was another paragraph that stood out to me. RUOW Book 1 – pg 112
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I also want everyone that is wanting to stay on Earth to agree to end personal denial and accept the self completely.
You need to start with yourself and make an unconditional acceptance of how it really feels to be you. Instead of feeling you must heal everything immediately, you need not. You must however, have a completely committed intent to end denial and heal all the separations of consciousness that this created. This includes:Pain of experiences that the Body holds. Pain of emotions that the Will holds. Loss of Love that Heart holds. Misunderstandings and limitations that the Mind holds disconnection from the Spirit that originated all of it.
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What really caught my attention and got me thinking was this sentence.
<> Misunderstandings and limitations that the Mind holds disconnection from the Spirit that originated all of it. <>
I had associated Mind as Spirit, but I’m now thinking/feeling it in a whole new way. That Mind is our Ego or rather Altered Ego, altered by our imprints, programs and beliefs and also by “misunderstandings,” “limitations,” and judgments. That maybe the “Spirit” that is referred to, is really our Higher Self that is trying to guide and heal our Mind (and the rest of our Being.)
We associate our mind/Spirit as our I AM being, but it’s really just an aspect of our Higher Self made manifest in the physical world. While our Higher Self KNOWS things, (past, present and future)… our mind is ignorant, as part of the process of understanding and healing is to unravel the puzzle of love and life, and not have another do it for us. To do that we need to know all the aspects of denial that have created our present situation
When we originally manifested in the physical, we were not as disconnected from our Higher Self as we are now, and it’s our denials that have created this fragmentation that now needs to be healed in order to recover lost Essence and the lost parts of our Being. This is getting deep, but I know there is a lot more to it.
In recognition of International Women’s Day, this is dedicated to all women. May you recognize that you now have the ability and power to do what you were unable to do as a girl. To be there for those lost aspects of your Being that have so desperately wanted and needed your unconditional love.
A life based on lies, omission, avoidance and denial is really very fragile, like a pyramid build of a deck of playing cards. All it takes is for the bottom foundation on which the rest is balanced to be removed and the whole thing comes tumbling down. When the truth is revealed there is nothing to support the rest, and they too fall.
Until the truth is finally recognized and revealed, not by the person doing the lying and denying, but the one that is the unwitting object of the deceit. While blatant and obvious denials can be spotted in others, it’s the unseen role that denial plays in the self that is the key issue. To empower yourself, you need to not only see the denial in others, but also your part in it. In the next few posts, I’ll be sharing a person experience that I had the past weekend.
I feel that people have a misguided sense, or use of the word awakening… or maybe I just look at it a different way. I feel that what people are presently going through is what I call a “quickening,” an acceleration process in recognizing what is not life, or contributing to life. Denials are being exposed and the truth revealed, but that doesn’t mean that people are awaking to end their own denials and begin to live life, and not the illusion as has been the case.
People get caught up in the New Age mumbo jumbo and hype, and talk of awakening and ascension, not unlike a born again Christian that claims to be “saved,” and yet they are oblivious to what truth, love and life are. They are still disconnected from recognizing the Divine aspects of their Physical Being, or how denial of these are being reflected in their experiences and reality. Yes, their consciousness is stirring, but by no means are they wake as they claim to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from being fully awakened, but I have done a lot of personal inner work and healing on ending my denials that is being reflected in my outer reality. What I see people going through is what I went through years ago, “Been there done that.” While they are becoming aware of the issues in their OUTER reality, or the blatant lies and denials of others, they are still oblivious as to how to heal their personal inner issues by recognizing and choosing to end their denials. They wear masks to hide the truth and act the role that their altered ego ignorantly believes will make them happy.
Dec. 05 – 6:10 pm – I just did a meditation and again it was Heart speaking to Spirit (Mind) and how Mind and it’s altered ego controls the body to do what it wants out of false pride and vanity, and stubbornness to admit defeat and not be ashamed and ridiculed. I wish I had written this all down right after the meditation as now most of it is gone from my memory. I know that Spirit also answered and asked for help in letting of its imprints, programs and beliefs that control it, and in turn, control the Will, Body and Heart. That it wants to know what it needs to see and feel in order to heal all aspects of self.
Body also spoke, telling Mind where it had pain. That there was pain in the head, neck, shoulder, back, lower back and legs and that Mind was to also look at the aneurysm, prostate and sex drive issues. My Body was doing some major movement during these dialogues.
I also flashed back to the contest between the light and dark Wizards and how I was stuck in dense matter, in the Amethyst Crystal and that I couldn’t get myself out. At the time, I blamed Form (Body) but I realize it was my expectations and my false pride and denials that dis-empowered me and allowed me to become stuck, and where I lost a good part of my Essence.
As I was typing and editing this for my Blog I realized that I was imprinted and programmed by my mother and father to “Make them proud.” With that program, I had to do everything in my power to not disappoint them, and to make them ashamed of me. That’s heartbreaking and I feel it in this moment.. What a burden to put on a child that is just starting school and doesn’t know how to speak the language, or even have a clue as to what school was about and what was expected of me. Everything negative that happened to me, I tried my best to deny and not show it, as I didn’t want to disappoint them. Self sacrifice and a false pride to maintain an image that I felt was acceptable. Sadly, that program carried on throughout my life affecting not only my feelings and emotions, but my body as well, as it too had to be strong, even when it wasn’t. And that is what I’m now in the process of uncovering and healing..
Dec 01 3:35 pm – I began what I thought would be a meditation and suddenly became aware that my Heart was talking to my Spirit (Mind). I’m writing this after the fact as I didn’t want to disrupt the dialogue. Heart was asking it to stop running and busying itself with things that didn’t matter and to do what it says it wants to do, that of healing the Body and Will and that every time the real issues are brought up, it runs and distracts itself.
What Spirit is afraid of is DEATH and so a weak, ill and hurting Body is a sign that death is near and as Spirit has never experienced death as the Will (Soul) and Body have, it is terrified to even try to understand what is happening and why, and how its denials of the Will and Body have been causal and have created the illness, injury and aging and the slow decent toward death.
It’s time that Spirit honor its INTENT to heal the Will and Body and to see and feel what it has never seen and felt because it was afraid it would not survive if it did. But now, if it doesn’t, there is a good chance that it will just keep repeating the cycle of reincarnation.
Hearts message was that it is also time to heal all aspects of our Being, Will, Body, Heart and Spirit that has also lost Essence, power, gifts and talents. That it is now time to accept all things that Spirit has feared, rejected, denied and cut off from its love and light. All lost parts of the Will are scattered and held in the Body. That where Spirit and Spirit Heart had judgments on the Will and Body, that there are either only partial connections there or none at all and only Heartlessness and indifference. There was no bonding and so there isn’t any love or life in these areas, only unlovingness and mistrust.
I can’t remember all that was said as I just went with the flow and was feeling and expressing any emotions that were coming up. But afterwards, I did feel a shift in energy, now how it plays out will need to be seen and felt.
Fears are what the Mind (Spirit) tries to turn a blind eye to, that it tries to deny as it doesn’t want to deal with them. Part of the reason is that it fears its very survival depends on not re-creating the experience. Fear is rooted in past experiences and projected into the future, and holds the Mind in a state of constant alert, vigilant and fearful of the unknown. The Mind, in a state of fear, is not living in the present “now” moment, but either in the past or the future.
While not a fear, but just as damaging are the Minds desires that are either reenactments of pleasant past experiences, or expectations and projections of future experiences. This includes any number of scenarios, including past pleasant physical or sexual experiences that the Mind would like to re-create. Included in this are regrets and lost opportunities where there was the desire to experience something new, but it was denied and suppressed for any number of reasons, and are now being fantasized and played out in the Mind with re-enactments of what it could be like. In both cases, the Mind is preoccupied with either living in the past or the future, and also misses living in the present “NOW” moment where its true power is, along with the power to manifest its desires.
It’s ironic in that both the fear of the past that is projected into the future, and the desire to re-live the past are what keeps the Mind (Spirit) locked in a constant struggle to control and change its outer reality, oblivious that its power lies in the present moment. Trying to live in the past or future means that one is projecting part of their Essence to that space and time, and in doing so, they are not fully present in the now moment. They live in the present moment with only a fraction of their true Essence and so it is no wonder that they are confused and bewildered as to why they are on this not-so-merry-go-round called life.
I was chatting with a friend yesterday and she said that I needed to go into a meditation and see and release the blockage, the kink on a nerve in my spinal column that is affecting my neck, shoulders, back and legs. I did a meditation in the afternoon and tried to access my neck and the pinched nerve but I feel I didn’t get there.
Later that morning I meditated again and I didn’t feel I succeeded as I wanted to see what was wrong and heal it like I did for a woman years ago. That time, I experienced myself as a infinitesimally small speck of light. I saw the cells in her body that were as big as apartment buildings and I could easily move between them like a person would. I saw her spinal cord damaged and some fine strands were emitting bright coloured lights. The strands on the other side of the break had the same colour hue, but were dull and pale. It reminded me of a fiber optic cable. I knew I had to rejoin then, so just using my mind; I matched colours and rejoined then, and then looked for the reason they had been cut and found a bone spur that I simply dissolved. I then scanned her body and found a green blob like growth that I also dissolved. I scanned her body again and found nothing so I returned to my body. With that, I came out of my meditation. Hummmmm? Maybe my issues in healing my body are EXPECTATION.
Later that afternoon I had my fourth craniosacral therapy session. This session was different that all the rest. While I had a few body twitches and spasms, they were mild compared to what I have been experiencing. And overall it was quite peaceful.
Before the session, I told my therapist of my friends advice and said that I would like to use this session to try and access and heal my damaged discs and nerves and she agreed. Early in the session I tried to meditate and do the healing as to how my Mind thought it should be done. I then realized that I did have EXPECTATION and so I stated out loud that I release my expectations on how healing should be and to just allow it to be. I took a deep breath and relaxed.
As I relaxed, I felt an energy move into the room and I told my therapist what I was picking up. A moment later I told her it was my guides and that this was all a lesson to see what doesn’t work. To get the Mind to try the things that it believes should work or that others have told the Mind works, and that everything it thinks and believes should work, is not working because it is wrong. I chuckled as I heard my guide say, It’s only taken you two years to figure that out.” I told my therapist that and she laughed too.
“Doctors had given Anita Moorjani just hours to live when she arrived at the hospital in a coma on the morning of February 2nd, 2006…”
This is a good video watch to expand your mind… (Video at bottom of page) She gives an interesting metaphor, and also gives an example.. She also shares the five most important things you can do with your life, although she misses out on how you can free your mind from the imprints, programs and beliefs to enable you to do that, as your FEARS are what your mind doesn’t want to deal with. Notice that she doesn’t once mention RELIGION.
I had my 3rd craniosacral therapy on Wednesday Nov 23, and before we started, I briefly told her about my experiences that I shared in Post Says 230. I also showed her my three books (in print) and briefly described what each was about. I told her I was taking all these sessions seriously and that the results would be in the book following my next one which will be called, “The Empaths Dilemma.”
When she was working on me, I was running more energy than before, but also in a different way, similar, yet different. Near the end, she had her hands on my head and I felt how I have purposely I denied my body. Keeping it under control so as to not be too good at anything physical, not run too fast, jump too far or high, catch a ball, throw a ball, ride a bike, play a game or sport. I had to limit myself so that others would not be upset and unhappy with me, or not allow me to play.
I flashed to the first day of school. Not being able to speak or understand English, I was in a living hell. I remembered my father telling me that I would be OK, if I listened and did as the other kids did, to learn to be like them. I realized that imprinted and programmed me and set me up to be a victim for most of my life.
I ended the session by formally releasing and giving back all the energy I took in from others and sent it back to whom it belonged to, or that it be moved to its right place. I also took back any energy others took from me or that I gave them, and also gave back any energy that I took from others or that they gave me. I asked that the polarity of all my energy that attacked and controlled my Body and Emotions be reversed, and that it realign with my true Essence.
I was a bit disoriented after the session and made an appointment for another one next week. I look forward to what this will bring up in me in the days to come.
I spent more than two hours (in the middle of the night) writing 11 1/2 pages in my journal. I’m posting it in its entirety as I want you to see how the thought/feeling process unfolded and how I gained realizations as to how to heal my Body. The story begins with a recount Saturday afternoon experiences that triggered the middle of the night writings. Sorry that it’s kind of long. I was going to break this down into two or three segments, but felt it would fragment the flow of acquiring this realization.
2016 November 19 Saturday 2:30 pm – I had gone to the farmers market and while there I got a pain behind my right shoulder blade and spine that ran up to my neck. It was especially painful and felt like a knot or kink, but I don’t know what caused it. Another thing is that my right hip was also sore and hurting.
I lay down to have a brief nap and reflect on my shoulder and I got that it’s involved with a car accident, and more. I flashed to seeing the woman in her SUV going through the intersection and I slammed on the brakes. On impact, my right leg was pressing on the brake pedal and that resulted in my right hip not moving forward like my left one as my left leg was not braced in the same way. This, and the fact that I was thrown into the driver’s door helped to twist my hip. In a similar fashion, my right and left arm were braced for impact and the jarring impact, followed by the twisting action of being hurled into the driver’s door twisted my right shoulder neck and spine.
But, there’s more. While all this was going on, my mind was thinking of survival and denied any emotional and physical expression except those that supported its survival mentality, like focusing on things that were OK, with little consideration or recognition of the real pain in the body that was numb and in shock, and unable to express itself as it needed to. It was only hours and days after the accident when the shock wore off that my mind became aware of the damage that had been inflicted on my Body, and even then, it was only related to the pain that the body was feeling at the time, that the Mind didn’t want to feel, and not what actually happened to the body, or what help the body needed to allow it to heal itself.
I got up and did two exercises from the Rudolph Stone Polarity Therapy book, chart 63 and 64, and my shoulders and lower back feel a bit better. I still feel a pinched nerve in my left shoulder but overall, I’m not in the pain I was in before.
So now the question is how do I heal my physical body?, When I was working on healing my emotions, I would remember the traumatic experiences, and my Spirit (Mind) would allow my Soul [Will] to express everything that it never got to express during the original experiences, like heartbreak, terror, anger, rage, aloneness, unloved, betrayal, manipulated, etc. As I wrote that, I flashed to some of the healing experiences I witnessed when working with others, and while some of the previous mentioned emotions were involved, it was guilt and shame that were stored in the body, that negatively affected the physical body with aches, pains, and disabilities. Once they released the guilt and shame energy they had been holding, the body immediately responded with health and well being. So now the questions are; where does the body store any so-called negative feelings and emotions like heartbreak, betrayal, unloved, alone, etc., and how does one release them? Also, where and how does the body’s own feelings, emotions and pain get stored [trapped] in the body, and how does one release them?
November 20, Sunday 2:50 AM
2:50 am – As mentioned, I had a real pain in my back between my shoulder blades and into my neck yesterday. I just got up now to go to the bathroom, and my back felt a bit better. I also got the feeling that it’s associated with the betrayal and heartbreak of getting blindsided and stabbed in the back. Not expecting to be hurt that way from people I loved and trusted. Suddenly feeling flooded with pain, disbelief and shock, and heartbroken and betrayed and not knowing what to say in a moment as you are too numb to even respond and so you react and pretend [deny] that it’s not happening and that its normal, going to be OK, that it’s just a dream, that you were wrong, or that they did mean it and were just joking.
I just remembered a poem I wrote in my teens and early twenties, that I shared in my third book. The poem is titled, Temp/Anger, and it’s basically all about this issue. Wow! It’s all about SURVIVAL, and how I have taken in unloving energy and have been holding it in my spine, my chakras, and other parts of my body.
3:10 am – I just had a brief flutter of heartbreak but it came and went just as fast, but at least it moved.
I just flashed different [unexpected and unpleasant] experiences that I’ve had, and also good experiences, where I deliberately shot myself down for fear of getting hurt again, so it’s a better that I ended as it will hurt less. This was mainly with relationships, especially female, where I’d either convinced myself they were not interested in me, or that they were too good for me, or that I wasn’t good enough for them. I flashed through my teenage years of feeling ashamed of not only me, but my parents as well for being poor. I didn’t want to have a girlfriend for fear of having her find out how poor we were.
Starting school was a big time shock for me. Besides the physical, mental and emotional abuse, I felt heartbreak and betrayed by my parents, teachers and peers. I also felt an overwhelming feeling of heartlessness being directed at me with no real way of not taking it in. In believing that what was happening to me was my fault, and also based on my religious indoctrination (RC) beliefs of TRUSTING PEOPLE, thinking that they were as loving as I was. Giving them the benefit of the doubt time and time again that I heard known, or convincing myself to wait and see what else they had the say that would clear up my doubts.
3:25 am – This seems like a repeat of what I went through in healing my Will, but yet it seems like on a different level, as the feelings and emotions are more like shadows, and not as strong and powerful like I had previously experience. Aha! – I just realized that while I was able to move my emotions that I had denied expression, I hadn’t moved all the unloving denial energy that I had taken in during and after those experiences. I hadn’t moved the feelings my Body had experienced. I denied myself even to the point of shutting down my physical talents and gifts so that I wouldn’t upset people, so that they would like and accept me.
I just felt more feelings of heartbreak that came and went again just as quickly.
I feel I’ve cut off and denied so much of myself, my innocence, that if I compare all my Essence when I incarnated to what I have left now, it’s like my physical body compared to my left hand. I’ve lost almost all of me, not lost, more like I can’t find. But yes, lost in that I denied and cut them off. Aha! I just realized that it’s more like this is how much unloving denial energy of others that my physical body is holding in these parts of me, energy that is not mine and is of reversed polarity.
It is my intent to move any and all unloving energy and Essence that is not mine from my body. From my physical, mental, emotional and etheric bodies and chakras, and to send it back to where it came from or to its right place, so that I can heal all aspects of me.
I just added that I want to transform my own reversed polarity unloving energy that is in the form of an attachment to people places and things. That while I had no conscious intent to harm or over-power, it still is unloving through the unseen role of denial and needs to be transformed. Connections yes, attachments no.
3:45 am – I was just thinking of how I hated my body for being small, weak, different, and unacceptable. I even remember going through a stage where I wanted to change my name, thinking that would change things. I hated my body for being sick, hurt, or injured as if it was my body’s fault for what it was experiencing and for not being able to do what I (my Mind) wanted it to do.
(Again I felt some emotions move briefly.)
I pushed my body even when it was sick or hurt to do what I felt I needed to do, which was to SURVIVE this fucking cruel world. Humph!!! I have to die to live and isn’t that fucked up?
(Now I’m feeling and expressing some anger and rage.)
Whoa! I just realized that I unconsciously kill my essence in order to do what I believe is needed to live. I cut off and deny parts of me that are hurt and wounded so that the rest of me can go on with this illusion called life. WTF! Now I feel numb. I’m in shock at that realization and how close I’ve come to almost having to leave my physical body and the Essence I’ve abandoned and denied, thereby giving Lucifer what he wants.
FUCK THAT! FUCK YOU LUCIFER! You’re not going to win.
I just flashed to the light and dark wizards duel and how I lost a major part of my Essence there. I intend to get those parts back also. I’m getting all parts of me that I’ve denied and lost in all time, and dimensions. I intend to recover all parts of my Being. I will not stop until every last part of me that is out there and being held by unloving light is back into my Essence. I will move any and all unloving light back to whom or where it belongs, to its right place. I no longer accept it in and upon me. I ask for help from Mother and Father and all my guides that are here to assist me to help me in whatever way is appropriate and serves my highest purpose, love, and light.
4:10 am – I just realized that taking medicine, pain relievers, and even chiropractic treatments and massage, etc., and even using heat and baths are unloving and controlling. While it APPEARS you are loving yourself, it is in reality [through the unseen role of denial] actually your mind trying to force the body not to be sick, weak, or in pain.
FUCK this is SUBTLE!
But the underlying intent is still unloving if it’s not what the Body is asking for, but what the Mind wants the Body to do so that it can do what it wants and be happy. It’s more unloving light that is actually the Mind that has been imprinted and program; that it is in control, that it is the master, that it knows what is best for all. I now recognize that it is my light that has reversed its polarity and has become unloving light and has been slowly killing me, although it was unconscious and unaware that it was doing so.
Aha! I realize that by denial, I’ve taken in, accepted; unloving light that has imprinted and programmed my Mind to control the rest of my Being. The more I denied, (what I believed was wrong with me) the more I changed from the loving light I was, to become what I am now. I thought my light was wrong and that this unloving light that I took in was right. That I needed to be like the others in order to live and be happy like them and that is totally FUCKED! My intent is to let go of any and all unloving imprints, programs, and beliefs that would have me reverse my lights polarity, from loving to unloving. I ask for help to become aware when I’m doing this so that I can end this action that has been slowly killing me, as what I desire is life and love.
4:30 am – Having to go to school to learn things so that you can get a job and earn money, to pay for things that enable you to survive for a few years, until you grow sick and old and are of no further use and die. This reality is forced upon us the day we are born. We grow old and these imprints, programs, and beliefs are what we take to the grave, or rather have been. I’m not buying that reality any longer and I let go of those imprints, programs and beliefs.
You force your Mind to control your emotions, and you force your Body to do the things it does not want to do so that the Mind can get what it believes is the power [money] to enable it to do what it thinks it needs and wants to be happy, and to also support the family with shelter, food, clothing, and the pleasures of this so called life. This reality is actually a hideous energy form sucking the life out of our loving Bodies through our denials and willingness to be like them, the “Otherkin,” those that do not belong in this universe and that need to be moved to the right place.
4:40 am – This is somewhat of a rehash of what I went through and know several years ago, but now it takes on a new feeling and meaning. I’m also beginning to feel a new life force rising in me, a new conviction and determination, and new purpose, or maybe it’s just a rekindling of an old flame that has been put aside to finish the books and that part of my journey. Whatever it is, I like it.
4:50 am – I asked my Body to show me what it needs to show me, to move any unloving light that it is holding and help me transform any reversed polarity parts of my light. I asked it also to show me any lost Will energy that it is holding and the unloving energy that is associated with it, so that I can recover lost Will Essence and move out unloving energy.
5:05 am -I closed my eyes and saw several dark forms moving before me. Lucifer, Baal, Melchizedek, and others, hovering over me, cussing and name calling, stating that I can’t do what I’m doing and that they are not through with me, that they will stop me. I smiled as that was what they were saying the last time I was close to a breakthrough. This time I rolled over and went to sleep, and woke up at 9:15 am.
To understand what life is, you need to understand what Death is.
I had my second session on Wednesday and before we started, my therapist stated that this session was about me, and not her, referring to our first session. I mentioned that you didn’t have anything planned and didn’t know what to expect, and neither did I. I said I had not planned on picking up on her, it just happened and I felt I needed to express it, otherwise, by denial, I’d be holding it in my energy field. She kind-of nodded her head like she knew what I meant, but I felt she didn’t get it. I said I have no problem not including you in the session, if that is your intent. She nodded in agreement and we went into her room.
The session was basically the same as last time, except that my physical reactions to moving energy were a lot less, and lest dramatic. I did however feel heartbreak when she was working on my sacral, and also pain in my right shoulder when she was working on my jaw. The thing that I noticed is when she was finishing up and got to my shoulders, she didn’t stay long and ended the session rather quickly. I felt she didn’t want to give me the opportunity to pick up on her again, but my intuition and her actions, told me she was in fear.
As a footnote: I’ve also been working on a couple of exercises I found in my Polarity 
Therapy book as I’m curious as to what my physical and other reactions will be.
Polarity Therapy Volume 1, Book 2
Chart No. 63 – The Ideal Posture and Rocking Balance Stretch for the Release of the Downward Airy Currents of Energy in the Body Which Govern All Expelling Functions of Gases, Liquids and Solids. Frees the Back Pressure from the Heart.
Chart No. 64 – A Posture Stretch for Youthful Elasticity through the Release of Vital Force and Blocked Energy Circuits in the Heavy Pelvic Muscles, Freeing the Hip Joints by Gentle Stretching through Rocking Motions.
After my massage treatment, I decided to stop in at McDonalds and have a coffee and a muffin. When I went in, I found the people watching TV and standing, waiting to the minute of silence at 11:00 am to remember and honour the Canadian and Commonwealth armed forces killed in WWI and WWII. The counter girl refused to take my order, citing that it was almost time. I don’t believe in the traditions of Remembrance Day, any more than I believe in Xmas, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Canada day, etc. etc. so I turned and left.
I decided to drive a few blocks to Giant Tiger and pick up a few items they had on sale. When I walked in, there were people standing at attention waiting for 11:00 am. I was confused. I was going to turn around and leave, but the exit door was on the other side of the store. I started to walk down the aisle and a young female clerk, turned and put up her hand up for me to stop. She gave me a stern look looked and showed me her poppy, and pointed to a TV in the corner of the store. Not wanting to make a scene, although I felt controlled and trapped, I stopped, but casually looked at display bins beside me until the “patriotic” moment was over.
Later when I got home, I was feeling pissed off and I thought I had maybe picked up energy from my massage therapist, McDonalds, or the people at Giant Tiger. I tried to remove them, but it wasn’t them.
In hindsight I realized that it was my denials. What set me up was my confusion when I entered Giant Tiger as I was sure the televised propaganda was over, as they were into it when I was at McDonalds, and when I pulled into Giant Tiger my SUV said it was 11:05 am, so I was sure it was over as it only lasts one minute. Another was that of OBEYING the young woman and observing a patriotic tradition that I no longer believed in, and of not wanting to have her make a scene, and just because it only lasts a minute I also thought it’s no BIG deal, and not something to make a scene about as there were other customers nearby, and some were wearing poppies. It just goes to show that any denial is a BIG deal.
Later, I felt that this experience was just a dry run, a test for things to come, to prepare me that so the next time I experience something that confuses me, and I may think it’s no big deal, and I don’t want to make a scene, I’ll remember this experience and choose not to deny myself again.
PS: So guess what popped up on my Facebook page this morning..? Coincidence? … NOT !
lol
I had previously searched the internet for what cranial therapy was, and there were several descriptions, so I didn’t know what to expect. I’m not going to go into all the details I wrote in my journal, just enough to give you an idea of what I experienced. I had booked a 45 minute session and so after about 15 minutes of chit chat, she began the session. She said she had no idea what she was going to be doing and was just going to see what happens. I was fully clothed, shoes off, and lying on my back on a massage table. She began by placing her hands on my feet and after a couple of minutes, I felt myself becoming grounded, a feeling that I’m familiar with during meditation. After a few minutes, I felt my arms, shoulders begin to twitch and spasm, without pain. I wasn’t getting any feeling as to what they were related to past physical trauma.
Next she placed her right hand under the sheets and under my sacral lower back and again after a couple of minutes, I began to run energy from my arms and chest, down to my legs. She then moved to my neck and it was at this point I told her of the door and key issue and what I felt it was, and I felt another shift in my body. As I did, I realized that what I was releasing was SHOCK energy that was stored in my body; shock at a being hurt either physically, or of experiencing something not pleasant and unexpected. After that, she moved to my head (temple) where I felt the sensation of gratitude and also excitement from my body. She then moved to sides of my jaw, where I felt I was holding all the things that I should of said but didn’t.
Finally she placed her hands on my shoulders and while I still had a few muscle twitches and spasms, I began picking up on the therapist. I told her I was and mentioned that it was fear, and at that, my body reacted with a series of the yet most violent full body spasms and twitches, that lasted several seconds. I commented that these went back to when she was three or four years old, at which point I felt her feeling all alone and unloved, so I reached back with my left hand and placed it on hers for a minute or so as my body slowly returned to normal. I didn’t feel I was talking on her energy, just allowing it to move though me and into the Earth.
We finished the session and she didn’t say a word about what she experienced. She left the room and after a minute or so, I sat up, put on my shoes, and left to pay for my session and make another appointment for next week. Afterwards I felt good, (for a while) and then around 3:00 pm, I crashed for an hour. Afterwards, I felt a whole lot better than I was before I saw her, as I was in a lot of discomfort and pain.
This is a little off topic, but I saw this link to Thinking Humanity on my FaceBook page, and the words of the 17th century philosopher Blaise Pascal. As I read it, I was immediately aware of this devious Mind control ploy to manipulate another’s behavior and actions. I can see where this has been used, or tried on me by doctors, lawyers, teachers, cops, priests and ministers, used car salesman and even some politicians to name a few.
By having the person agree with your perception and comment, you get the false feeling that you are understood, and so you feel less threatened and defensive. But that is just a ploy to set up the framework to create self-doubt, and for you to question your point-of-view, especially if it was just a so-called “gut feeling.” This self-doubt then allows you to be persuaded to listen to and accept their point of view as also being valid, even to the point of negating, over-riding and even denying yours. It’s similar to the tools that a magician uses to get you to see what he wants you to see and believe. Distract, confuse and befuddle, but the intent now is to twist the words and truth to their advantage. If their first maneuver fails, then they may accuse you of not being willing to see their side, the opposite, the bigger picture, or not focusing on the details. Other phrases might be that you are too sensitive, too emotional, unreasonable, narrow or closed minded in not seeing and agreeing to their side of the argument, since they see yours.
While at first I thought this was off topic, I now see that it is another aspect of how our Mind controls our Will (intuition, feelings and emotions) and our Body, by implying that what they are suggesting is not accurate or appropriate, and that the Mind is correct in its assessment of the situation and that its decision is the justified and right action for all involved. Of course the Mind is not only running on its old imprints, programs and beliefs, but is also being coached by other “voices,” like that of denied anger and rage, guilt, shame, and of course, unloving voices from other realms. I say unloving as any loving Spirit guide would not be looking to get the Mind to CONTROL the other aspects of its Being.
I found this video You are two that discusses our left and right brain and thought I’d say a few words. Modern medicine and psychiatrists, would have us believe that only our Mind our left Brain, that which thinks, is the only part of our Being that matters as it is the master controller. They would also have us believe that our feelings and emotions are part of the Mind and therefor, under its control, just as is the Body. While there is some truth in that concept, it is also deeply flawed and inaccurate.
True, we have two parts to your brain… a left and right hemisphere. The left side controls speech, language, thoughts, ideas, logic and reason, while the right side is responsible for our intuition and knowing as well as our feelings and emotions and is also involved with our creative processes. What is important to recognize is that the right side of the brain can’t talk, and therefore, it needs the acceptance and cooperation of the left brain in order to express itself. That last sentence is crucial in understanding the dynamic workings of our Being and why we have the problems, fears and issues that we do. I’m not going to go into it here, but this is just to give you some food for thought.