2012 Nov. 05 Monday Last night I went downstairs to make supper and I smelt hash/marijuana. I decided to make a quick supper of coleslaw and raw veggies and a dip and took it upstairs to my room to eat it there. I kept my door closed so that it didn’t get any worse but I had a headache for several hours. When I was downstairs, I also noticed that the dirty dishes from last night were still in the sink and on the counter. Not only that, but the toothbrushes and toothpaste are back on the window sill and behind the kitchen sink. As I was eating my supper, I decided to take my old toothbrush and put it on the kitchen window sill along with the others. I have no intention of using it but I hope it will make him think.

This reminds me of my roommates when I was going to DeVry Tech http://bachelors-degrees.devry.ca/ and when I was working before I got married. At that time, all that my roommates seemed to think and care about was getting drunk, drugs, sex, cars and partying. It’s like nothing else in the world mattered except feeling good and doing what gave them physical pleasure and made them happy, even if it was short lived, they just repeated the cycle. They also liked to present the illusion that they were capable of more thought and physical action, but that’s just how twisted their reality was and how they saw themselves as being something they are not. It’s like their mind is in a fog and they can’t seem to see through it, or rise above it by stopping the substance and physical habits that are creating the fog. The only things they can see are what is in front of their nose, and even then, they only see what they want to see.

Hummmmm. As this issue is reoccurring, it means that this is not the real issue. So what is it that I am not seeing? Humm? That I’m different, that I don’t feel like running with the crowd and doing the things that they are doing. Is that why I never had any real male friends and never had that so called, “male bonding experience?” I believe that female bonding is similar to male bonding, where girls and women need to do similar things that men do, just in a feminine way. It’s like a herd and pack mentality where one just follows and mimics the actions of the leader of the pack. Is this like the dance issue, where I was afraid to be me and that I had to be like the others. YES! I think/feel that is it. It’s just another version of the same program.