Daily Archives: 2012/12/05

Says 119 – Dumbed down Society – Frat boy mentality

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December 3 Monday, On Saturday night Paul was in his room smoking weed and playing loud music until just past 11:00 pm. On Sunday morning, he and his girlfriend went out for breakfast and when they returned they smoked up again. I was getting a headache and decided to get out of the house for a while. I went downstairs to put on my shoes and his girlfriend was vacuuming the carpet by the front door. As I put my shoes on, I sarcastically said to her that Paul must really have a sore hand today with all the pot that he’s been smoking. She looked puzzled at first but then got to gist of my words as he had told me he only smokes because his right hand hurts and has arthritis. After supper, they smoked another doobie. It’s like now that I’m moving out, he doesn’t care what he does . I’ve also noticed that when I’m around him and he knows he’s did something, like smoking weed in the house, he whistles or hums which is also a sign of being activated and in denial.

Today, a roommate that was returning from work brought in a hand-delivered letter that had been stuck in the front door, and put it on the kitchen counter. I glanced at it and saw that it was from the local hydroelectric company and had the word URGENT stamped on it in big red letters. It was addressed to the owner and in the lower right hand corner of the address box, I could clearly see the words arrears and disconnect in bold red letters. For him to get such a letter, he has to be a good 2 to 3 months behind in payment. A couple of weeks ago, it was the Internet that was cut off, and now this. That makes me wonder what else is he behind in paying, his mortgage?

It’s interesting that all this is happening as I’m observing that he has a self-centered frat boy mentality and only pretends to be interested in other people if it serves his purpose. While he has a construction type job where he says he is making $25.00/hour, he is just in it for whatever money he can make to help keep him in his life style. I assume that it’s not enough because he also has three room-mates that help pay the bills. What he really likes is just to have fun with his buds, get high, have some drinks, get laid, play sports, add bling to his car, and pretend he has all the money in the world. His girlfriend, that I’ve talked to and call Cinderella, is his lover and mother figure as she picks up after him and cleans the house, while he busies himself looking over his stuff. Besides smoking, he is also brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink again as well as dirty dishes in the sink and on the counter. l know he isn’t stupid, and that what he is doing or not doing is what he has learned and has gotten away with as being acceptable behavior and all this self-centeredness is compounded by the use of pot, hard liquor and beer that clouds his thinking, reasoning and problem solving abilities.

Says118 – Avoidance and the unseen role of Denial

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I saw a program on TV about a dog whisperer and during his interview, he used the word avoidance along with three other words, fight, flight and surrender that I often use to describe what happens when people get activated into their issues. While those three words describes their actions once they have been activated, it doesn’t describe how they are re-acting when they are not activated and that is where the word AVOIDANCE comes in. When he mentioned avoidance, it really struck a chord in me as it was another piece of the puzzle that I needed to see in a different light. With avoidance, there is also the use of lies, omission as well as outright denial. While I knew that avoidance was a form of denial, I’ve never really associated it with a three other reactions that people have when they are being activated or triggered. When he used the word avoidance, it became blatantly obvious that avoidance is the main method used to avoid having to face what you are denying and not wanting to face, because if you did, you would get activated you then react with the other three choices.

The avoidance I’m talking about isn’t running when you have been activated, but what you are doing and saying to avoid any situation that you know will activate you. Like when you have a fear of heights, water, knives, guns, fire, crowds, conflict, saying no, getting attention, public speaking, etc, and you avoid any experiences that will trigger that issue. There are countless ways and means to avoid things, from moving around or away from something or someone , procrastinating, deflecting, invalidating, keeping busy, using drugs, alcohol, work, sex, exercise, hobbies, crafts, TV, eating, and the list goes on and on. This avoidance also includes all the different forms of lies, omission and denial that a person can use to avoid an unpleasant situation and be activated. I never really felt how avoidance was linked to the unseen role of denial, but it hit home as I saw how I have been procrastinating and avoiding finishing my books.